It would be cool if this got to 100 replies...:)

I feel like we have unfinished business. I want so bad to call you, to hug you, to make love to you again, but I know it will only hurt me. I must move on. I wanted to see how far we could take us

What a great idea and thank you everyone for sharing. I can't believe how similar our stories are.I am getting pressure from his sister now. Poor pitiful man, he is suffering so much. But who cared when I was suffering? Who was there when he was hurling insults and accusations and misinterpreting my motives. Who was there when he tried to tell me what I think and feel. How I should think and feel. I was going through pictures today and saw some of our pictures from happier days, before I knew the REAL person he is. I just keep reminding myself that that wonderful, kind, loving man is just an illusion. I am SO grateful that I woke up to the truth that my spirit kept trying to get me to accept. I know that God has a better plan for my life. I just need to stop being so impatient and getting in His way. I need to work on myself, find healing for my wounded spirit. I definitely recommend reading the articles found in the "NEWS" tab. Very insightful. Anyway, next time I am tempted to text him, I will post it here instead. Thanks again.

I miss you so much it hurts.

I miss hearing your voice.

I miss feeling you next to me.

I don't miss how you treated me a couple of months ago. I don't know if you were finally showing me your true colors or if that's the man you have become lately.

I miss the man I fell in love with. Who cared about me and was truly interested in everything I had to say.

Not this man, who can't seem to shut up talking about himself, his job and his life and not once ask how I am doing.

Even though you won't ask I would still like to tell you how I am doing. After you broke my heart for what seems like the millionth time. I thougt I would never recover again. But, with the help of a few caring people I am recoveing and really learning how toxic having you in my life has been.

I am here to tell you that I am surviving this and I will come out of this a whole lot better than you. One day, I will love again and be loved in return. I truly believe that I still have the capacity to and you didn't completely take that away from me.

There will come a day when I will wish you light, love, blessings and all the best. But, I am not quite there yet.

Dear Mr. Ex Spouse and Mr. Ex Boyfriend: I have nothing of substance to say to either of you.

Farewell, adieu, goodbye-
The Little Engine

I'm sick of reading your stupid poetry. I'm sick of how ambiguous you are and were. I'm sick of your photos in which you look like a desperate poser. I'm sick of your tacky dating profile you take up and down every few months. I don't know what the hell happened between us. I don't know why you treated me like you didn't want me, and then made such a big fucking deal when I left and kept coming back and now you're writing all these stupid poems about us. You mystify me.

Its hard sometimes because we were so competitive, and it was that competition which motivated me for so long. Now I struggle to find motivation sometimes. Sometimes I still inexplicably miss you. Even though I don't even feel like I'd ever want to be with you ever again. I'm so angry with you I could punch your face in. I feel like our whole relationship was such a waste of time. All we did was obsess over each other, lust over each other, and compete with each other, and play with each other's hearts and nothing is left at the end of the day for either of us except pain. All i have from that game now is pain and a shredded heart. And most of it is your fault because it was your jackassery that started things down a bad road in the first place. I'm just angry, so angry.

Dear douchebag,
Happy birthday to you. I hope you enjoy this day without me in it. I was the one who would buy you great gifts and gloat on you all day. I was the one who would tell you first thing how lucky I was to have you in my life. Now who knows who or if you have someone else in your life ( I could care less) but I know when or if you do they won't treat you near as good as I did. They won't put up with your belittling or criticizing comments about how much they weight, their clothes or what they are or are not doing in their life because your mr. Perfect. You know exactly what they should be doing. I loved you more than you ever deserved and i know that you will end up a sad, old pathetic man. So for your birthday I am going to get my hair done. Then this weekend I am going to get as dark as possible while tanning just because you said I couldn't. Also for your birthday this is the only time today I will think of you. I have my life to live and it doesn't seem to include you in it. Again happy birthday to the a-hole who has everything a man could hope for, not.

D

this is a good one. thanks for sharing.

I gave you the best of me every single day...all the love in my heart. I forgave you again and again...forgave you for cheating, for all the lies and for all the heartache you caused me. But I see now, you were never going to change. Oprah's life lesson #13" When someone shows you who they are, believe them" AMEN. You showed me you were a cheater and a liar. You didnt deserve all my love, my time, my energy. I hate that I wasted so much of my life on loving someone who cant love me back the way I deserve to be loved.
I hope you realize one day what you lost....because I am a good woman...a strong woman but I refuse to sit around and be hurt again and again, let down by your empty promises. Every single time you want to reconcile it always leads to some type of deception....the truth always comes out in the end....Thank you for breaking my heart...it only made me stronger.

Oprah's life lesson #13" When someone shows you who they are, believe them" AMEN

I really like this. It's totally true.

Creo....I was watching old Oprah on her network OWN and I saw this....and I said OH MY GOODNESS.
I had wasted so much time trying to talk away the red flags etc when he was basically showing me/telling me who he was and what he was really all about. Im glad this quote helped you....it really opened my eyes.
All the times he told me I deserved better and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore...I should have just listened. When he cheated on me when we were dating, I should have let him go then. When he returned an engagement ring and then broke up with me and used the ring money as a down payment on his new Dodge Charger...I should have listened to who he was. When he got a girl pregnant when we were on a 2 month break, and married me without telling me about it...I was heartbroken....and yet I stayed for 5 months thinking well he really loves me...anyhow....thank you for listening

Yes. My ex told me many, many times that he was f---d up, that he was worthless, couldn't do it, had NOTHING to give, that he couldn't give me what I needed while acknowledging what I needed was not unreasonable, that he was a loser (hate that word), etc., etc.
WHY did I not listen?
Because it just made me feel like protecting him from the world. I actually wanted to prove him wrong to himself and to me.
Absolutely intoxicating.
Not only would he tell me but he showed me in ways that were obvious to both of us and in ways that I could see and flag and stumble around in the dark over and then desperately dismiss.
My story is fairly simple by contrast--no pregnancies or weddings or promises. In fact, my guy really promised me NOTHING which is what he did and what I got. Just a lot of "Poor me." that had me hooked.
I really wanted it to work--I'm 46 to be 47 next year and my life is so ready for something of substance.
xo

Creo... I ask myself too...why didnt I just listen to him? I agree...I wanted to prove him wrong. I saw him such "potential" and I saw what he could be..as I always believed in him. He was so used to cheating, lying that it became second nature to him. And unfortunately the abnormal became the normal version of love for me. When my counselor asks me why I love him, I cant even tell her why...for whatever reason I am just drawn to him again and again, wanting so badly to believe his words/lies and making excuses in my head and rationalizing away the things he has done to hurt me. The stress from it all wore me down..at one point I lost 18 lbs and I dont have 18 lbs to lose! Also, I found just this past weekend when we were trying to make it work for the millionth time, I couldnt sleep at night with him next to me. My mind and body just knew to be on alert...it was as if my body was trying to tell me something....run Sarah...run.
Yes he is gone now...and I have to bed and house to myself...but it is comforting because at night...for the first time in a long time... I sleep peacefully.
I ask myself again and again, Why couldnt he just be honest and faithful? I was sooo goood to this man...and it was as if he intentionally sabotaged us again and again. Im 33 and just ended my 3rd marriage.
I am taking time for me...for the first time in my life. Your story and your posts are always so helpful and inspiring to me.

XOXO :)

How lovely--you are on your way. I know about the sleep thing. When I see my ex (he moved out April 1st), I sleep poorly, I am stressed and strained--my body goes into hyper-vigilance and he is not a liar or a cheater, he JUST can't do it. In his presence, my body and brain know it fully. My neck is a mess right now from holding myself. I have an image of leaning over a craggy abyss and trying to hold onto him. I have one arm (my left and right but leaning into my left) holding one of his arms and he is looking up and into my eyes. He is really looking at me but there is no pleading there or fear. I have to let go. My neck can't keep up the strain. I have hurt myself. Letting go is very hard but freeing. Lttle by little.

It is sooo hard to let go....like right now, when we tried to work it out again, he moved all his clothes back into my house. Well he refused to move them out after court as he had to go back to Louisiana to be with his children. I was tempted to drop all the clothes off at goodwill lol....but I am too kind for that. I put all his clothes in trash bags...and put them in my front room and shut the door. I just want him to come get the clothes and then we really have no reason to talk/text. He always finds a way to have contact.
My stomach gets all upset when we talk...and I always cry so hard my eyelids swell up and I get the worst migraine cry headache...horrible. I agree...I feel I am on alert and always paying attention to his words/actions.
Im so sorry about your neck....and you are right...your neck cant keep up the strain....just think about how much better you feel when you dont have him stressing you out. Although no contact is very lonely and hard...It always seems I get so much stronger and feel better about myself...hell I even gain about 5 lbs (which is a good thing for me)....and then at the worst possible time...he will call or text to just say "Hello Sarah...just wanted to check on you" UGH!