As others have expressed, I am very sorry for your loss. My husband Rodney died February 26, 2015. He had a heart attack at work. They tried reviving him until the paramedics came and took him to the hospital. By the time I got to the emergency room, he was gone. My life has been altered forever-by his life and his death. He was and is my joy. He's my best friend and soul mate. The love of my life. I look forward to being reunited with him one day. Until then, I am grieving and taking it one day at a time. My days are filled with tears but also laughter and smiles. It is much less than before but that is to be expected. I imagine him holding me and kissing me once more. I want him to interrupt me while I am watching one of my favorite shows. I want to hear him snore at night or remind me to drink water or tell me he doesn't like what I am wearing. I want him to encourage me again or call me at work to say how much he loves me. I want him to scratch my back and cover me with kisses. I want him. I always will. I am so blessed to have a husband that loved me unconditionally. It's because of that love, and all that my family and friends have poured into me all my life, that I will continue to fill my days with more laughs than tears. I know one day I will be in his arms again and I will have nothing but tears of joy. My love to each of you as we try to carry on without our hearts.

Was passing thru and saw this and thought it appropriate that I respond.
My Wife died June 7th 2013. of cancer of unknown origin that had metastasized in her liver, She was given 6 months without treatment and 2 to 3 years with treatment. She never made it to treatment. She only lasted 6 weeks. the pain she went through and the frustration that I could do nothing, I think will haunt me forever. She was 70 and we had been married for 50 years. I know that's much longer than most here but the grief and the pain is no different.

My husband Larry died from bile duct cancer on May 18, 2013. We got the diagnosis on my birthday in October 2012. He was told he would probably survive about a year without treatment, and 1-5 years with treatment. He decided to treat his terminal cancer, and only lived 7 months. The doctor kept encouraging him that he would be okay and to just hang in there with the treatments. I was watching him slip away and no one would acknowledge it. I finally brought him to another doctor, who admitted him into the hospital, and he died 2 days later. Even though he had terminal cancer, there was so much left unsaid. The end came fast and with such shock that some of my biggest regrets are things I wish I had said to him at the end. Larry was 69 years old and I was 57 when he died. We had a 22 year old daughter still in college. Because of all the denial she stayed at school and only got to see him for a few brief hours before he died. To most people I look like I'm doing okay, but I'm very sad and miss my husband every day. We had a really good marriage.

7 months ago my husband died suddenly, without warning.
We were together for 42 years, Married 41 yrs.
The night before he died was just like any other. He went to bed before me.
Oh, how I wish I had known that he would never awaken to see the dawn! Instead, I heard the final breaths leave his body, and tried to wake him up. it was horrifying to slowly realize This was The End of his life, The ending of our marriage.
Had I known, I would have laid in his arms all night long. I would have had final conversations with him. I would have tried to make him talk with me all night long.
Oblivious, I did nothing unusual.
He just slipped away, forever. Into eternity.
I miss him more and more as each week, each month goes by.
Wish I had some kind of hope for my future.
I don't.
Each month gets worse. Our adult children have abandoned me, to endure this Hell all my myself. No company, no comfort.
I had no idea how cruelly they could withdraw themselves from me.
My only Hope is in God, as I have been left Alone to find my way... to find a future. Without my beloved husband.
He loved me like no one else ever did, or ever will!
God help me to go on.
Alone.

My husband, Frank, died 7 yrs. ago (2008) of AML leukemia at age 74. We were married 50 yrs + 8 mo. He was well enough to enjoy a small 50th anniv. celebration before returning to the hospital one of the last times. This is a cherished memory. I realize that this long marriage was a blessing, after reading about so many who died in their 50s and 50s. Wishing you peace and comfort as you travel this hard road.

My wife passed away Jan 4, 2013 of the most aggressive type of thyroid cancer. The battle lasted 6 months and was heart wrenching. She was only 56 and I was 50. We were married 22 years. I went from completely broken mentally, emotionally and spiritually in the early stages to a place of hope and peace. DS was instrumental in helping me through this brutal grief journey. To those in the early stages of this journey DS is truly a healing place. For those that travelled before me thank you for the inspiration and insights. There is light at the end of the tunnel but it is so damn hard to get there! God bless. Gerry

My wife, Yan, passed away from kidney cancer January 31 2015, 3.5 months after diagnosis. She was 54. She lives in my heart every single moment. Tiger

My husband died last December from cancer. He had undergone surgery and sailed through radiation--his prognosis was excellent. However, a few months later we were told that he was terminal. He taught at a local university for 45 years--his former students are still contacting me as they learn of his passing. He looked much younger than his age (71) and had tremendous energy--no one who knew him can believe that he is gone! We were together for 16 years; I knew him 28 years.

(I'm sure I have written my story a few times here already, but. . .)
My husband was hit by a car in July of last year. He was put into an induced coma due to tramatic brain injury, and was in intensive care for 3 months. The last month there, his brain slowly started to come back. He had at least some consciousess, but it was difficult to know how much. Then, after his second month in a regular room, they removed the tracheotomy tube, and a nurse showed us he could talk! Eventually he showed he recognised me, even asked me for a kiss, but physically he could barely move (he was essentially a quadraplegic). Then, quite shockingly, he passed on January 1st. His heart gave out. Two days before it had stopped, but they had resucitated him, and I hadn't freaked out because he had been in and out of te ICU a few times. . .
We had first met when I was 21, but we didn't get together until 14 years later, were a couple 1 year before tying the knot, and were married 9 years when he was hit.
A widow at 43, with a teen & a 7 year old to raise. It has been slightly less difficult because we moved to another apartment while he was in the hospital. I was only able to see him once or twice a week while he was in the hospital, and was in the process of fighting to get him a more permanent residence/hospital room when he passed. This Friday I am both signing off on a settlement with the insurance company of the man who killed him and hopefully getting his bank account freed, what little is left. It's been a hard year or so. . .

He was 49.

Have you ever written a longggggg reply only to lose it prior to posting? I just wrote a book, and it is now out there in never never land never to be read or found. Man, I love this laptop - NOT! So here goes again. I am quite a bit further along than most on this site. I lost my dear John in March 2010 after a six-month battle with kidney cancer. He wasn't a big man; he had started to lose weight without trying, went to the doctor's in August 2009, and found out he had a tumor on his kidney. Unfortunately, even though there we no signs, the cancer had also spread to the lungs. I was sure he was going to survive the diagnosis. The kidney was removed, chemo followed; we had many ups and downs, but, in March 2010, he became too weak to fight any more. I was devastated when he passed away. I was sure he was going to beat the odds and survive. After all, God knew that I loved this man and needed him. Six months after John passed away, I lost my younger brother to throat cancer and my older brother to diabetes/heart disease one year after that. My younger brother's wife passed away last year, and my older brother's wife is now in hospice care. As I write this, I still can't believe I have lost so many family members. With each loss, I re-live losing my husband. I am so thankful that I found this site and visit it almost daily. I don't post often, but I find comfort in reading what others have to say. I know how difficult this journey is; and, even though I am much further along, I am still having difficulty adjusting to a life I did not choose. I recently started seeing a grief counselor, and I really think, with time, he is going to be able to help me. To all other DS members, I am so sorry that you have experienced the same loss that I have; but I am so glad that we have each other. No matter what time, day or night, we can connect with someone else that understands; and that is such a great comfort when needed. I know we will all get through this. It just takes time and a lot of it.
Roxanne

I was married to my Darlene for 28 years.. She got sick shortly after we returned from Mexico. A trip to the emergency clinic resulted in 'take tylenol3 and you will be ok in a week or so'.I returned from work a few days later to find my wife on the floor with no feeling from her waist down.She was very sick still with flu like symptoms and the hospital had no idea what was going on,even trying to send her home with no feelings in her legs or able to stand up.The virus then attacked the rest of her body,she never spoke again and was put on an endless diet of anti-biotics as they hoped to get lucky with 1 of them..They finally settled on ADEM, virus that attacks the brain shutting down many of the bodies functions. She was in ICU for 7 weeks,given a white blood cell infusion and had just barely moved her finger and 1 foot when her stomach started bleeding profusely. 3 operations,blood clotting solutions stopped the bleeding, but the time when her stomach went awry also stopped her heart from receiving oxygen for 15 mins and the possible slow recovery from ADEM was never going to occur.. The autopsy was another guesswork and they used sepsis as the final reason..My wife received 50 pints of blood,fought to the end ,and I miss and love her so much.. My only great hope is to see her again,hold her little hands,kiss her,hear her speak again and never let her go.. I also hope every 1 of you on this site ,1 day,finds the same dreams and hope as mine.. to be with our wives/husbands..r.j

My wife Capri was diagnosed was diagnosed with a very rare form of head and neck cancer in 2007. After surgery and radiation she was Told there was no longer any evidence of the disease. Two years later a chest X-ray during a routine physical showed.that it was back, stage 4. It was persistent but slow growing so she had a few years of relatively normal life. In January, 2013, after 6 months of hospice, she died on a Sunday afternoon at home with me. We'd been together 36 years.
~John

Hi, I too am new to the site.

My husband Bob was diagnosed with Stage IV non-small cell lung cancer in September of 2013. We were told he had too many tumors to count, one bigger than a softball. My ever the strong man should not have lived 6 months, fighting the odds he fought his way to live 20 months and worked for 8 of those months. Through most of those 20 months he endure various chemo regimes. Finally after a second try, in October of 2014 he was accepted into a clinical trial for immunotherapy the wonder treatment for cancer. Unfortunately, his cancer was stubborn and March of this year he was dropped from the trial and went into hospice the same day. On May 28th, he died in his sleep, in the comfort of our home, the way he wanted go. I doubt seriously I will ever recover from the loss of my love.

Cheri~

My husband died June 22, 2013. He was 48 and I was 32. We had lunch together with a bunch of friends, kissed goodbye, he told me he loved me and that he was gonna go home, shower and meet me by the beach. I was driving our car and he was driving his motorcycle. That was 5 pm. He crashed about 1 minute after you said goodbye. Simply lost control of his motorcycle without any explanation and flew over the handle, head first. No helmet. Blunt force trauma was the c.o.d. They called it 8:10 pm when his heart stopped and I told them to stop trying to revive him. Doctor had told me he had 1 change in a million of making it, but would be a vegetable forever due to the 15 minutes his brain was without oxygen during the transport from the accident scene to the hospital. As a christian, was very hard for me and it took a lot of griefshare classes and prayer to understand that God still loved me and that a lot of people go through the very same thing. I was very angry, but now I am on a much better place but still not a day goes by without me missing him.