I find this such a valuable asset to the group, I wanted to bring it back to the top of the board for others to share if you wish. Sharon

I have not visited in a while, but here goes. I lost the love of my life on February 18, 2010. Our mothers had watched us together in our church nursery. He was my best friend and soulmate. Roger was a Guillian-Barre patient in 1998 this and his diabetes impacted his physical health severely. In 2009 we had seen all 3 of our sons graduate from college, marry and even had our first grand child. We were settling into our new unfettered life when he had the first of five heart attacks. Over the next year, he had to undergo several cardiac dye tests which eventually caused kidney failure and he went on dialyisis. Three nights a week i would take him and go back at 3 a.m. to pick him up. Then go to work the next morning. His heart could not take shorter sessions so they put him on the long night ones. His arithmia got progressively worse and he was scheduled to have a pace maker implanted on the 22nd. After I dropped him off that night he called to make sure I made it home okay,we told each other good night and how much we loved each other. An hour later they called to say they were rushing him to the hospital his heart had stopped. By the time I got there he was gone.he was only 57 yrs old. I was 55. We now know that the medicine they used in the machine was causing heart attacks. Unfortunately, the state where I live has a strict time limit on tort lawsuits so my hands are tied in getting any justice for what they did, I can only leave it in God's hands. My son's and their families have helped me tremendously and being able to read other people's blogs on here was a huge help when I needed it. It has now been almost six years and no the loss has not lessened, but I am better at dealing with it. I still go to work and church activities and try to live each day for both of us, because I know that is what he would have wanted.

My husband died in March of this year of a very aggressive form of prostate cancer - he was diagnosed about 7 months earlier - it was already stage 4 when diagnosed. A million treatments - the brain tumors made him erratic, and unfortunately my mother died 2 weeks before he did - she was elderly but no known medical problems - sudden death. Many post death issues to deal with - getting through it day by day.

I loved him dearly but he left all life insurance proceeds to his estranged daughter - so I had to do the funeral burial etc on my own. Wouldn't have been so bad if I had known and planned for it - didn't because he said I was beneficiary. Also left me some wonderful credit card bills. Digging out. I guess my feelings would be a combination of sad, hurt, resentful and angry about my late husband.

My mother was different - she left next to nothing but enough to have her last wishes honored. I knew she was dead before they told me - was trying to get her on the phone for a couple of days - nothing - my aunt said sometimes she doesn't hear it so I thought I'd give it another day. I was in Sloan Kettering with my husband when they called me and told me she was dead - had top go immediately and ID the body. I do have a brother who is of no help whatsoever. I have cut myself off from him - all he does is make me angry or sad. - Not worth it.

Am still dealing with many residual issues to much to even list here - but plugging away. All anyone can do is hope for better days. There must be a reason why we're still here - just need to find it.

My beloved hubby of 33 years came home from work with a cough on Monday by Sunday he was dead. Pancreatic cancer w/mets...no clue. 58 years young and full of life and vigor :( am an RN still in shock 4 years later... God hold us !

to update everyone on the COD my husband Kennon died on Aug 19th 2015. He died in his sleep so his cause of death was pending until recently. He died of an accidental drug overdose. Heroin and 4 different kinds of pill with an alcohol chaser. I'm devistated. I didn't know he was that depressed in his life. I didn't know he went back to heroin, he used it when he was younger. Depression is so devistating. If you know anyone that has depression make sure they are getting the help they need. Hugs, Donna

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I have read so many people say that their spouse died unexpectedly.
Mine did too. He had 2 heart attacks already. 2011 age 39 and 2014 age 42. His heart attack the 2nd time did lots of damage and weakened his heart. Both of them he said I can't breath take me hospital. But never had chest pain just shortness of breath. On July 29,2015 ,he said he was having one of his spells and started to go down outside on steps and helped him up ,he walked about 20 feet and got into living and said "this is it" and collapsed onto the living room floor and I had to call 911and call my friend to come back the house and start CPR. He was seady so purple. We only seen him breath one time but it was agnol breathing. I looked at his eyes and they were glassy and set. I realized what happened. We were both nurses. EMS got their attempted to shock him. He had a rhythm but no pulse. They got him to the hospital and we went to go pickup my daughter at work who was 17 at the time. When they arrived to hospital with him they continued to work on him and called me back. The ER doctor said that he was in PEA state and brain damage was already setting in. I called 911 at 1140am and they pronounced him at 12:27pm. I knew even if they would have got him back ,I wasn't gonna gonna put him on lifesupport and he wouldn't have wanted it either. We talked about that years ago. No lifesupport ever. As a nurse I wouldn't want that for myself. Someone just lifeless and no hope of ever being able to be the same. It was better that he passed suddenly and didn't suffer. Then too had to suffer and live in that kind of shape. PEA (pulse electrically activity), which can have me causes. He actually didn't have a rhythm problem but we think that with his past history of heart attacks , that this time his heart couldn't keep up. We think he had another heart attack or the old scar tissue caused the electrical shortage this time and this was the first time his heart rhythm had go out of rhythm.

He had blackedout 17days before this. But he shook it off as his blood sugar dropping. When he had never passed out ever before from his blood sugar and never had problems with passing out before.


looking back -his body was trying to forewarn him 17 days prior to him dying that something was getting ready to happen. I have went thru all the ,could have ,should have ,would have -if he just went to doctor before that day and reported to them of this. But in all honesty he was feeling great for the next 17 days ,what would they have done that would have prevented. Maybe they would have put in an ICD (defib) but that wasn't gonna fix the underlying cause. His electricity worked fine but his heart (mechanical wise) was broke.

My husband died on Oct 18 2015. He was 61 years old and I'm 56.
We were married only 15 years. He died from Small Non Cell Cancer.
He died at home, with me & my children at his bed side. I'm still in shock. Miss him dearly!

My Ben died of Lung cancer with mets to his brain on Jan 16, 2015. I am coming up on one year soon.

I am numb, angry and physically ache at times. I still cannot wrap my mind around his death, that I won't find him sitting in his chair each morning.......he was and will always be the love of my life.

Jen

Hello. My husband was 61. He had prostate cancer. It was aggressive, because his psa was fine only 5 years ago. He was diagnosed about a year ago and was told he still had 2 years as recently as April. He was gone in September. We spent 12 weeks in the hospital because the treatments made him so sick. He was my soul mate and I am crushed.

This is a very popular post. Mine is Reply #102. I cannot talk about this, not even write about it, am haunted by it, hoping time will fade it away (4 months now). I admire everyone here who has the guts and tenacity to talk about this emotionally painful subject. Not now, maybe some other time.
Nanette

I lost my husband one month ago to a pulmonary embolism...it seems so unreal that's he's gone forever.

My husband passed Sept 21st 2015 after having 10 surgeries on his knees from mrsa and not walking after each his beginning was Jan 10 2012 and after each surgeries the patla slipped twice after reconstruing the left knee the left knee twice and froth surgery took left knee back out and put a rod in and that was to painful and had to take out because of infection again ,so in July 2014 they took back out the rod and put a spacer in, they didn't put in right knee back in till March 2013 but was not able to stand on it because no inplaint in left. in April a cist came on his right knee and drained all this fluid and was glad didn't wait till may to test his surgeon set up for took him into ER and they had to break his leg to get out inpaint out his worst surgery yet.so i n sept he started swelling in his testals from his kidney and I took him in to ER thought it would be just like in Jan when same thing happend. He as in good mood laughing with doctors nurses and his vitals started changes took him to 8th floor a part of ICU and then took him to 10 floor silver ICU and 5 something he coded and passed at 6am said his heart stopped . I have had such a hard time dealing with this . I just knew would bring him home again. the holidays will be hard . thanks for listing

My husband passed away from colon cancer Nov 28 2015, he was 55. We had been married 34 years but had met 40 years ago in August - the summer before we started high school. He battled this for almost 3 yrs - surgery that removed most of his large colon and 3 rounds of chemo and 2 of radiation. My father also passed this year, but he was 92 and had a great life.
I keep telling myself that I should be happy I was able to spend so many years with my soulmate, but I'm still so very sad when I see my empty house and the cats missing him.
I know with time the pain will improve, but am not looking forward to the holidays.
I hope the New Year provides some relief.
Julie

My lovely wife was 40 years old had an accident on 7/30, broke her shoulder and her ankle in 2 places. Had to have surgery on the ankle on the 31st. Which went good had to stay in hospital for 4 nights then transferred to a rehab/nursing facility for 2 weeks. Because she couldn't bare weight and minimal range of motion. I had to work and wouldn't be hone all the time. When she finally came home she could not do all the steps so I was at work in the am and coming home at lunch to feed her and anything else she needed, then working the rest of the day from home. On 8/27 we saw our primary care dr and he recommended we ask the surgeoun for a script for more blood thinner besides just aspirin. On 9/1 we saw the surgeoun on a follow up and asked him. He did not give us an answer then but his nurse called me on 9/2 and said he denied the script and the aspirin should be enough. She was doing so good on 9/8, the day she was released for full range of motion, even doing the stairs by herself, with a spot from the therapist and I after he left. I went to bed at 930 happy she was doing better, at 1130 she yelled my name I jumped out of bed and ran to her, she was breathing rapidly, I called 911 right away. They took her into the ambulance still alive, I followed the ambulance to the hospital and about an hour later they told me she was gone. At about 2am, I could not get a hold of anyone or anything. The loneliest feeling ever. The autopsy revealed pulmonary embolism.