My husband will be gone two years in January, I still wear mine, and his as well at times, I may be wrong, crazy or still in shock, but is just seems wrong for me to take them off. i loved him too much.

I struggled with what to do with my rings as well. I had them resized and wore them on my right hand for a while. That didn't feel right so then I had them resized again, wore my engagement ring back on my left hand, but this time had my wedding ring sized to wear on my left pinky finger. Today I only wear the wedding ring on my left pinky finger. (On special occasions I will wear the engagement ring - for example at a family wedding, graduation, etc.) And I can't believe it but some people have commented on the fact that there was something wrong with me for doing so. It's just a beautiful ring with many diamonds and it feels good to wear it, as I do not have alot of jewellry. And I tbink wearing it helps me get through the special occasions that can no longer be shared with my husband, if that makes sense. Although it has been many years and I have moved on with my life (am dating), I think I will always wear the wedding ring on my left pinky finger. Perhaps if a person was to remarry they would consider taking them off, I don't know as I have never reached that point.

Formal Reply:

http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/life/stories/2008/08/21/2_MANN0821.ART_ART_08-21-08_D2_E1B2G6S.html

EXCERPTS from the above source follow. Miss Manners' entire answer is worth reading

Dear Miss Manners: My husband passed away at the end of last year, and I want to know the protocol for a spouse in mourning as far as wearing black or mourning colors.

Can you tell me how long I should wear my wedding band, or can I continue to wear it?

Gentle Reader: No, and neither can anyone else.

... mourning rituals serve a purpose. They comfort the bereaved in providing a sign of respect for the dead, and they protect them from people who want to explain the stages of grief to them.

It seems to Miss Manners that sensible mourning, in modern times, would be black clothes during the time that you don't want to have people urging you to get over it, then quiet colors until you feel ready to re-enter normal social life.

Whether you remove your wedding ring is entirely up to you. The only thing the Victorians had to say was that it should absolutely be done by the morning of a wedding ceremony with a subsequent gentleman.

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In my family, the women do not remove their rings from their left hand unless they have become close enough to someone to consider marriage.

My wedding ring is where my husband put it so many years ago. In a few weeks, it will be six months since he passed. At this point the thought of dating and/or marrying again is the furthest thing from my mind.

I doubt that I will ever want to remarry - but that could be grief talking. In any case, there is no rule set in stone that's says a widow must remove her rings unless she remarries. The co-worker mentioned in one of the replies was off-base (sorry).

I agree with alot of you, when the time is right. I lost my husband 9 months ago. I wore my rings for about 2 months, then I removed mine, but I had his ring on my gold chain for a while. Now, I wear a georgous chain, that I gave him, with a gun charm, which he loved, and I wear that now, around my neck. I feel, he is protecting my heart.

I lost my husband a little over 8 months ago, I am still undecided as to the right time. About a month ago we had the same discussion in my grief group during that meeting I explained that I was forced to move my ring to my right hand a little over a year ago because my ring started fitting to tight. While talking about it I looked at my wedding ring and remembered my diamond being in the ring (around 5 pm) The next morning I went to get in my car for work and noticed that my diamond was gone. I was horrified. A miracle happened that evening I retraced my steps and I was just about to give up when I saw something shiny in the carpet. It was my diamond. I haven't had the time or $ to have it repaired so I guess for now the decision was made for me. I do however wear his wedding ring on my middle finger of my left hand. The only place it will fit. Not sure how long I will do that. I do like the idea of wearing it on a chain. I think it is up to each individual. No point in rushing it. For me it helps me to still feel a connection to him.

I agree with you and Miss Manners. The decision belongs solely to the widow or widower... and no one else.

On the 29th of Aug. my husband had been gone for 8 months. I went to visit a friend over the hoilday weekend and before I left I looked at my hand and made the choice to take it off. Over the past 5 days I look down at my hand a touch the white ring around where it use to be. For me it was time, I also realized for the 1st time in the 8 months I am a single woman WOW how wierd is that......

On August 20th was our 15th wedding anniversary. It was also 9 months since his burial. I did write him a letter and at that time took off my rings and put them in his memorial box. It is a wierd feeling. I still look at my finger and touch the bareness and think the rings should be there. Moving on is very difficult but it is something we need to continue to work towards. The words 'Widow' or 'single' still do not feel right to me.

I know how crazy this sounds but I feel somewhat like I am cheating on my husband when I do not have it on...even though I know he has passed away. So I chose to wear my wedding ring forever and his band in on a necklace which I wore everyday for about 2 months and then I decided to just keep it in a safe place so I will never have to worry about losing it. Oh yeah and by the way my family looks at my ring and they look at me like I have flipped out and it hurts but I am still wearing it.

Funny, I never thought of myself as single, married, etc. So I see no reason to start labeling myself now. Unless I have to check a box, I'm just going to ignore that aspect of my situation. Besides, I still feel connected to my husband... Have a feeling I always will.

BTW MrsMill, It's your choice to wear your wedding ring. Not your families, or anyone elses. If it helps, you're not alone. Many of us continue to wear their rings - some never take them off.

Funny how something comes up that is on one's mind. I was discussing this same subject yesterday. In 1986, for his birthday, I surprised my then boyfriend, Chuck, a gold chain and a golden Scapular that he said really would like to find. I had to have it special ordered. Most jewelers had no idea what I was talking about. But anyway, from that day on June 30, 1986 when I put it around his neck, he NEVER took it off until I took it off of him in his coffin. I now have his wedding ring on that chain with the scapular that I wear around my neck. I still wear my wedding rings. Chuck died 8/24/07, and I cannot think of any reason I would want to take them off. Of course, I'm 63, and have no intention of marrying again. If I was 20, 30 years younger, the situitation might be different. I have no desire to even date and don't expect to ever want to. Chuck and I loved each other at first sight in 1985, and it never ceased. Everyone who knew us, from friends, coworkers, clergy, said ours was a love made in heaven, and a marriage destined by God. How can anyone top that. So after a very long answer to the question, the only way anyone will get my rings off my fingers is when they pry them off of my cold, dead fingers. Then I will have our rings buried with my ashes.

There is no right or wrong, do what feels right in your heart. As for me my husband os forty years went to be with the Lord 5 months ago. I have worn my weddings rings so long,My had would feel strange without them. I will never take mine off. I feel I am stil married to him although he went to Heaven before me. I will meet him there.

Christine

It's been a while since this string was active, and yet the subject has reappeared for some us yet again.

I recently read the journal of a woman - close to my age - whose husband passed away around the same time as mine did. She has been talking about her desire to remarry; she recently joined a new religious group, removed her rings, and is in the process of removing her late husband's belongings.

I was unable to comment - pro or con - to her entry. Reading the most recent comments has helped me to think this thru so that I can honestly respond to her.

Personally, I am not anywhere near ready to think of remarrying. I may never be. I see no reason to remove my wedding ring. I may never remove it.

But I am not her, nor is she me. So I will wish her well, and hope she is not jumping the gun because she is lonely, or because others planted these ideas in her head.

Since I plan on being cremated when my time comes, I will leave my ring, and his, to the one who inherits from me to do with as she will.

As others have said, I will never take off my rings. I wear my husband first and mine on second. For us marriage did not end at death, in our vows we removed till death do us part and put in for all eternity. When I see him again I'll give his back. That's my choice and I am comfortable with it. You have to do what's right in your heart. Goodluck.

My mother lost my father after 30 years of marriage. He died 16 years ago and she STILL wears her wedding ring.