Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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How long to wear your wedding rings?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am wondering about something. How long did any of you who lost your spouses wear your wedding rings after you lost your husband or wife and if you are still wearing them how long do you plan to wear them? Do you think it is OK to keep them on forever? And at the same time do you think it is OK to take them off and if so when? It is something I wrestle with lately because I feel like it is kind of like living a lie or living in the past and not being willing to move on with my life to keep them on and at the same time I feel like it is somehow a betrayal of Paul to take them off. I feel so confused. I do wear his ring on a gold chain around my neck and will continue to do so as that does not indicate to the world that I am something I am not.It does show perhaps what my situation really is.Does anyone have any feelings they can share on this. I really would appreciate some dialouge on it.My family is no help at all as they are so biased that they can't think logically.I look forward to some ideas from others in the same situation I am in. Thanks
deleted_user
deleted_user
I still wear my engagement ring on my left hand and his gold chain given to me at the hospital when he was gone. It has been 6months and I have no plans to take them off. People say "You'll know when your ready" - I don't know if I'll ever be ready!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have lost almost 50 lbs since the death of my beautiful Irene. The ring just fell off my finger. I lost it a couple of times while sleeping and once in the house. It always fell off in the shower or while washing my hands. I was afraid I would be out somewhere and lose if forever. I attached it to a cremation cross that I carry in my pocket everywhere I go. I feel guilty that it is not on my finger. If I ever start eating properly again and gain the weight back I will put it on my finger where it will stay until my death.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I stopped wearing his ring on his chain about 2 weeks ago, the clasp broke for the second time and i put it away with the other jewelery of his.. i now wear a tiny silver cross on a tiny silver chain around my neck.. but he is in my heart forever..
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband has only been gone for 3 months and I plan on wearing mine forever. I know I say this now but that is how I feel. I wear my husbands on a chain because it makes me feel close to him. And I wear mine because I said it would be forever.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband Jesse died 18 months ago and I still wear mine. Some think that by wearing them your still living in the past, but I don't think so. For me being married 33 years it was a sign of our love and I can't remove them, so I will continue to wear them for the rest of my life and take them to my grave, but that's me.

As far as how long one should wear them, it's up to that person, everybody is different. You will know if it will be right for you to remove them.
I know you are struggling with this decision, but I would turn to God and ask him what you should do, he will answer you in his own way. Godd luck......Hugs...Stella
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
I did move my wedding band to my right hand. I had a 'family ring' (similar to a mother's ring) custom made with stones to represent my husband, me, and both of our sons. I wear that in place of my wedding ring on my left hand. At some point, I think you have to recognize that you're a widow and not wife anymore, and our rings are symbolic of that. It's a very personal decision and you have to do what feels right for you personally. For me, it felt dishonest to continue to wear my wedding ring (and my anniversary rings) on my left hand as though I were still a wife. As hard as it is, I have to accept that Cliff isn't coming back and I have to make a new life for myself without him. My mother was married to my dad for 42 years, and after he died she moved her ring to her right hand, so perhaps it's also a bit traditional to me. (She never married again.) You'll know if and when you're ready to make any changes. It's entirely up to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dear Meg,
Mike died just a few months before our wedding day. We already had our rings and I was already wearing my engagement ring. The day he died, as soon as I got home, I put on the wedding ring and I buried him with his. I wear his St. Michael's medal on a chain around my neck every day. I'm not sure I'll ever take those rings off. It took me 50 years to find my soulmate and I can't imagine ever being with someone else.

Sue
deleted_user
deleted_user
You did not indicate how your family was 'biased' but I get the impression it's a view that's different from your own. Also, what I get from your post (and I could be wrong) is that you want to take off your wedding ring, otherwise, you'd just continue wearing it and not be wrestling with this issue. I'll probably wear my wedding ring until I die, but I'm much older than you. But, if you feel that wearing your ring will 'repel' prospects of meeting men and your husband has been gone for more than a 6 months, then I say take it off. If I'm 'all wet' here and you really want to continue wearing your wedding ring, then my opinion is that doing so, is solely your business and your perogative and no one else's.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband passed away in April of '07. I still wear my rings and I also wear his around my neck. I just don't feel I can take off my rings.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I will always put my ring on before going out of the house. This week will be 5 months and I am still a married woman. But have have wondered about this topic. I hope you found the answers you are looking for. Hugs
Susan
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think you have to do what you feel is right for you. I kept mine on for a year. I also had his sized to fit my thumb and wore his band also. I intend on getting a chain now and wearing them around my neck. I will love him forever rings or no rings on my hand.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you are wrestling with this, you feel guilt for some reason. I will wear mine forever as I still consider myself married, altho a widow. If you feel the need to move on, then do so.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It has been nearly 16 months now since my love passed away. When I first responded to this post it had been 6 months. Earlier this month I had my band sized to fit my left pinky and his ring sized to fit my thumb. I don't wear necklaces and I never want to remove them completely but my best friend said to me right before she passed away. "He loves you, he'll always love you. You'll always love him, but whether you want to face it right now or not you're young and you are no longer married and it's going to be okay." She passed away on April 1, 2008. Somehow that resonated within me. I always want them on, I always want to look at them, they'll always symbolize our love, but the dynamics of our love have changed. But each person HAS to make their own decision about if and when. They ultimately have to decide what is comfortable for them. PEACE & LOVE
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wear my husbands band on my right thumb. I wear my wedding band on my ring finger along with a sterling ring of his. I've put away my engagement ring. I think you should do what ever makes you feel comfortable.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have no idea what to do....after reading all these posts, I actually moved my eternity ring(20th anniversary) to my right hand, but the wedding and engagement rings don't fit (ha) do you think that's a sign? My sister suggested putting it on the same chain I wear Jeff's ring on - but I just don't feel ready...I'm in no hurry...