Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I am wondering about something. How long did any of you who lost your spouses wear your wedding rings after you lost your husband or wife and if you are still wearing them how long do you plan to wear them? Do you think it is OK to keep them on forever? And at the same time do you think it is OK to take them off and if so when? It is something I wrestle with lately because I feel like it is kind of like living a lie or living in the past and not being willing to move on with my life to keep them on and at the same time I feel like it is somehow a betrayal of Paul to take them off. I feel so confused. I do wear his ring on a gold chain around my neck and will continue to do so as that does not indicate to the world that I am something I am not.It does show perhaps what my situation really is.Does anyone have any feelings they can share on this. I really would appreciate some dialouge on it.My family is no help at all as they are so biased that they can't think logically.I look forward to some ideas from others in the same situation I am in. Thanks
deleted_user
My husband just passed away on February 18, 2007. At this point I can't bear to leave home w/o my ring. I take it off at night because I swell. At first I would have a fit and my whole day would be blown if I forgot it. I would just about have a nervous breakdown. Now if I forget it, I'm upset but I handle it until I get home and then put it on. I don't feel comfortable w/o it. I don't know how long that'll be. But I'll love my baby for the rest of my life. I'm his wife forever, no matter what I decide to do with the ring in the future.
deleted_user
i don't know that i will ever take off my rings...as far as i'm concerned i'm still married. i wear his on a chain on my neck too
deleted_user
Well, at this point I am not sure I'll be much help. It has been 4 mos since Tim died and I still wear my ring plus I wear his ring around my neck. My heart says that I'll where them forever, my head says that realistacally one day I will know it's time to take them off. If you take it off and you don't feel right then it is not time. If wearing it on your wedding finger doesn't feel right then try it on the other hand. I know that all of us has said the same thing but I really believe that when it is time to take it off you will know it. I hope that our words have helped atleast a little bit. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers
deleted_user
My ring will never leave my finger! it is like i have her with me!
deleted_user
I had that decision taken out of my hands. I broke my wrist a week after The funeral and the doctor cut my ring off due to swelling. I was so hurt and upset, I was worried that I would be seen as unfaithful to our vows and somehow nullify the past 37 years. Then the jeweler told me that I needed to wait till the swelling went down in my hand, that took about a month after the cast came off. I'm not sure that I will put the band on my left hand, but I will wear it on my right hand. It is a beautiful piece of jewelry and it will help me keep a piece of the "us" with me all of the time. I have had friends that have had the stones set in a different ring that they can wear all of the time. Don't worry about what others may think, this is your life and your decision. You have to do what is right for you. Do what feels right to you and you will have a better feeling about it.
deleted_user
I still, on my left hand , tote his and my band. I feel , and this is just me ! I feel as if I am " still married in the eyes of God" I will keep the two bands of gold on till I too a placed in the arms of God
deleted_user
I took mine off very shortly after my husband died. However, when we married I originally used a mother's ring that had been bought for me by my daughter and his for Christmas the year before we married. We felt we were marrying two families not just us. My husband never wore a wedding ring. It's a symbol but what's in your heart is what's important. Wear it until you are ready to take it off. It's totally your decision. Never feel bad about wearing it or not wearing it. When you feel comfortable take it off. People who haven't been there can't sometimes understand.
deleted_user
I often wonder that myself. My husband died in March and we were married for 34 years. I was not one to wear rings all the time only when we went away. It wasn't because I didn't love him but, the job I did my dad always told me never wear rings with what you do and I never did. So now I still do the same when I go out I wear them and then sometimes I don't and I don't feel any different either way. I guess there is nothing written you must keep them on for this amount of time it is what ever you feel in your heart your spouse I'm sure is not going to think any less of you and I know my husband would want me to get on with my life since I am a young widow but, I know in my heart he will always be my first love and if I should meet someone he will have to understand that my true love is with god and there is room in heart for someone else.
deleted_user
I have removed my wedding ring from my left ring finger to my right and my diamond is on the middle finger of my left hand. I wear my husbands ring around my neck on his gold chain he cherished. I also wear a red leukemia support bracelet on my right wrist. So no matter what he is still with me. I removed the ring form my left hand because if I do meet someone new, I want them to know I am ready to go with my life, and will tel them the reason why i wear it on the right hand now. I will always have him with me no matter what and when that person comes into my life, he must understand the reasoning for this if he doesn't then he will not be part of my life.
deleted_user
I lost my ring a couple years back. Now I wear his on my left hand, held down by a tighter ring. In my heart I am still married to Brian. My heart tells me that I am still so in love with him that why let people think that I am not. My heart will tell me if and when to take it off. I think you heart will do the same.
deleted_user
I still wear my husbands ring on his gold chain around my neck and my ring is on my right ring finger, I have thought of putting it on the chain along with his, but havent been able to remove it completely from my finger, I wear my engagement ring on my right hand middle finger , mostly because I have lost so much weight , it slips off my ring finger. You will know when to remove them completely, I feel when I wear them even though they are not on the ring finger onthe left hand, I feel I still have part of him with me. Someday i am sure i will remove them and put them away , but not yet.. My husband died 6 months ago. I hope this kind of tells you that its ok to still wear then until you are ready to remove them..
deleted_user
I still wear my husbands ring on his gold chain around my neck and my ring is on my right ring finger, I have thought of putting it on the chain along with his, but havent been able to remove it completely from my finger, I wear my engagement ring on my right hand middle finger , mostly because I have lost so much weight , it slips off my ring finger. You will know when to remove them completely, I feel when I wear them even though they are not on the ring finger onthe left hand, I feel I still have part of him with me. Someday i am sure i will remove them and put them away , but not yet.. My husband died 6 months ago. I hope this kind of tells you that its ok to still wear then until you are ready to remove them..
LindaJean
my husband has been gone for over 20 years and I wear my wedding rings on my right hand. I don't expect to ever take it off. I'm still having issues which surprise me as to how sad I am that I lost him. To remove my rings just would not feel right.
deleted_user
I think this must be decided on an individual basis. I took mine off after a month and felt very odd and naked without it. So after a few days I put it back on. Same thing. Very akward. I don't know if it is "hanging on" or "denial" to wear them but if it makes you feel better than wear them. My friend suggested I wear mine on a necklace around my neck and close to my heart. I like that idea because then it's like I'm keeping him with me and not holding on to the whole ring---do I or don't I thing cause it is just too confusing!!!! And it wears on my emotions to struggle with it. I need to simplify my life for awhile. So I am going to get a chain and try it. For me it may be the solution to my confusion but for you, you have to decide for yourself........Good Luck!!! :)
deleted_user
Oh you most definitely have to do whats most comfortable for you. Its been 6 mths and I can't imagine going out the door w/o mine on. I carry his around in my wallet, just because I'm not a necklace person. But its with me everyday. You can't worry about what anyone thinks, YOU HAVE TO DO YOU!
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