Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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deleted_user 03/18/2007

I am wondering about something. How long did any of you who lost your spouses wear your wedding rings after you lost your husband or wife and if you are still wearing them how long do you plan to wear them? Do you think it is OK to keep them on forever? And at the same time do you think it is OK to take them off and if so when? It is something I wrestle with lately because I feel like it is kind of like living a lie or living in the past and not being willing to move on with my life to keep them on and at the same time I feel like it is somehow a betrayal of Paul to take them off. I feel so confused. I do wear his ring on a gold chain around my neck and will continue to do so as that does not indicate to the world that I am something I am not.It does show perhaps what my situation really is.Does anyone have any feelings they can share on this. I really would appreciate some dialouge on it.My family is no help at all as they are so biased that they can't think logically.I look forward to some ideas from others in the same situation I am in. Thanks

deleted_user 03/18/2007

While Cory and myself were never married. I plan on purchasing one, just cause we were very close to our marriage date. Is that a healthy thing to do? I don't know. But its what I want. As far as how long you should wear your wedding rings, well I think thats up to each person. My grandmother still wears her's and my grandfather has been dead about 11 years. I think when you're ready you will know. And I think your husband would understand. Goodluck *hugs*

deleted_user 03/18/2007

I wear my wife's ring on a chain along with a Miraculous Medal. I think I took mine off after about 6 months. I was just washing my hands and didn't put it back on, but see it every day near the sink. I say wear it as long as you like. Who cares what others think or say about it. Your husband, like my wife was half of who we are for a long time. Wearing a ring isn't going to change how we think, feel, or act, because it was the other half that helped define us. And here is a scarey thought, if someone else is attracted to you, ring or no, it will be partly because of your husband, since the relationship you two built is a reflection of who you are.

deleted_user 03/18/2007

You have to do what feels right for you. I also wear my hubbys ring on a gold chain he bought me on our first anniversary. and I havent taken it off since. I still wear my wedding ring. I started wearing it on my right hand on new years day. I cant bring myself to NOT wear it. just take it one day at time and make the decision when you are ready. I will keep my ring and give it to my daughter when she marries. and hopefully she will do the same.

deleted_user 03/18/2007

I have to agree with CntryGirlMeg. Although my D and i never got the chance, as he died before the date I have been considering alot to buy one anyway.I want it as a reminder kind of but also because I dont want to be with anyone who isnt my d. even if it means being alone for the rest of my life.

deleted_user 03/19/2007

my jude has been gone 10 months and i will never take off my wedding ring,i will take it to my grave because he loved me enough to marry me and put that ring on my finger-he will always have his on and i will always have mine on,i will take it to my grave like he did,because those rings were meant only for us ,never to be taken off,because it is a symbol of our love for each other and i have always liked having it on my hand and always will because it came from him and his spirit is always with me as well-everyone is entitled to their own feelings about it but that is my story....

deleted_user 03/20/2007

I am like you on this one...I don't know what to do. Not too long ago my left hand swelled so bad that the ring actually was cutting my circulation off, so I pryed it off for 2 days and cried every time I looked down at my empty finger. I put it back on when the swelling went down.
I wish I had the answer for ya, just wanted to let you know you are not alone on this one! Love ya, Kat

deleted_user 03/20/2007

I would still be wearing mine but I lost alot of weight since my husbands eath and need to just get them sized or a ring guard on them so I can wear them. I do have the both of our rings in a special box that I keep right next to me when I sleep for now. When you are ready you will know and do whats best for you

deleted_user 03/21/2007

We all grieve in our own way and I don't think anyone can really answer that question for you. If it feels right for you to take it off then I don't think there is anything wrong or disrespectfu in doing that. I loved my rings and wore them for two years. But, because of those rings people were constantly asking me things like "what my husband did for a living" or "do you have any children". It was torcher for me to have to tell a stranger that I was a widow. I even started to isolate myself from casual conversation because I knew the questions were coming. That is why after two years I decided to have my wedding band stretched so that I could wear it along with his band on my middle finger. I also had a third band made with a personal inscription, and wore it between the two. It was my way of honoring my soul mate without drawing attention to it or prompting heart wrenching questions. You do what feels right for you, no one has the right to judge it.

deleted_user 03/21/2007

I agree with everyone else. Take it off when you feel like you should, or keep it on for the rest of your life. There is no rule book answer. I kept mine on for four months. Now I wear her ring inside of my ring on a chain. It still amazes me that her fingers were so small that her ring fits inside of mine with room to spare. Sometimes I miss wearing it on my finger.

deleted_user 03/22/2007

It's been six months and I still wear the ring. I too am contimplating moving it to the other hand. I have also have a lot of inquiries about my husband because of the ring and it's hard to answer them. On Christmas day, just two months after he passed I looked down and my main diamond was gone. I was and am devestated, I had to go without if for several weeks while it got fixed, a different diamond replaced the one he picked out so it lessened my emotional attachment. I plan on giving this ring to my daughter so I think soon that I will put it away for safe keeping. Our love is forever held in my heart, I know that. And in MY grief that is what counts. You do what feels right for YOU!!

deleted_user 03/24/2007

I don't think there is a right answer or a wrong one. I wore my original wedding ring for 30 years. We bought new ones then because my husband's ring was so worn I thought it was going to break. When he was dying, he asked me where my ring was and I put the original one back on. After he died, I took it off and never put it back on. I think I felt guilty because he only bought the new ones to please me. We put ourselves through a lot of emotions when we are grieving. He is not going to care if you have it on or take it off because he knows how much you love him.

deleted_user 03/25/2007

Good question. Shortly after my wife died, I went to a local jeweler and had them link our 2 matching bands together. I now wear them on a gold chain almost constantly. Ya gotta do what YOU feel is the right thing to do. Don't let anyone tell you what is right or wrong - go with your heart.

deleted_user 03/26/2007

I am still wearing my ring and I am just not sure when I will change it to the other hand. I also where her wedding ring on a chain around my neck.

deleted_user 03/31/2007

My husband has been gone for almost 15 months. I wear his ring and mine on my finger. I am not sure how long i will wear them but i plan to have them sized so they will fit the same finger on the other hand. It is the only solution that i can live with for now.

deleted_user 03/31/2007

Oh dear do I have to decide that too?

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