Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I see this all the time on the board, abuse victims wondering whether they are "just too sensitive", thus negating the abuse they have suffered. I have responded a few times today but wanted to put something, just my own thoughts, in a separate thread (which will, of course, be a bit repetitive of what I've said elsewhere).
Firstly, I want to say that in my view, sensitivity is a virtue to be cherished, not a flaw to be exploited. Secondly, who gets to decide how much sensitivity is enough, how much is too much, how much is not enough? It doesn't make sense to me that anyone could be too much of a good thing.
That said, even if there is some kind of objective "sensitivity limit" beyond which we are deeply flawed individuals ... surely it is the responsibility of someone who loves and cherishes us to be, themselves, sensitive to our "flaw" and so avoid exploiting it. If I have a nut allergy, wouldn't I expect my loving partner to be very careful to avoid having nuts around? Would it really be my fault if I went into anaphylactic shock after he prepared a meal for me containing peanuts, knowing of my allergy? Just because someone else would have been fine after eating the meal doesn't make my (physical) reaction my fault.
The same goes for emotional sensitivity. If someone calls me stupid or ugly, or lays a guilt trip on me, or is in some other way hurtful, is it really my fault that I'm hurt by it? Especially if that someone is my partner who professes to love me and who knows that I am sensitive and easily hurt, and who knows that I have self esteem issues? No it is not. That loving partner should be trying to build my self esteem, should be reassuring me, should be working with me not against me.
Abusers use this line a lot, as one of the most common weapons in their armoury, to avoid taking any responsibility for their actions. They say or do something hurtful, then turn around and say we are "too sensitive" and that's why we are hurt by their hurtful words or actions. But it's rubbish. The cause of our hurt is their hurtful words or actions, not our sensitivity.
I'll say it again, because I believe it to be absolutely true. Sensitivity is a virtue to be cherished, not a flaw to be exploited.
Firstly, I want to say that in my view, sensitivity is a virtue to be cherished, not a flaw to be exploited. Secondly, who gets to decide how much sensitivity is enough, how much is too much, how much is not enough? It doesn't make sense to me that anyone could be too much of a good thing.
That said, even if there is some kind of objective "sensitivity limit" beyond which we are deeply flawed individuals ... surely it is the responsibility of someone who loves and cherishes us to be, themselves, sensitive to our "flaw" and so avoid exploiting it. If I have a nut allergy, wouldn't I expect my loving partner to be very careful to avoid having nuts around? Would it really be my fault if I went into anaphylactic shock after he prepared a meal for me containing peanuts, knowing of my allergy? Just because someone else would have been fine after eating the meal doesn't make my (physical) reaction my fault.
The same goes for emotional sensitivity. If someone calls me stupid or ugly, or lays a guilt trip on me, or is in some other way hurtful, is it really my fault that I'm hurt by it? Especially if that someone is my partner who professes to love me and who knows that I am sensitive and easily hurt, and who knows that I have self esteem issues? No it is not. That loving partner should be trying to build my self esteem, should be reassuring me, should be working with me not against me.
Abusers use this line a lot, as one of the most common weapons in their armoury, to avoid taking any responsibility for their actions. They say or do something hurtful, then turn around and say we are "too sensitive" and that's why we are hurt by their hurtful words or actions. But it's rubbish. The cause of our hurt is their hurtful words or actions, not our sensitivity.
I'll say it again, because I believe it to be absolutely true. Sensitivity is a virtue to be cherished, not a flaw to be exploited.
Sometimes just saying "go fuck off" declares the independence needed to move on from toxic people.
Thanks.
I'm so glad you bumped it. Thank you.
Our society abuses/bullies each other in subtle ways all the time and it's destructive.
I also hate "I was just JOKING"!
Got your number.....