Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So "M" and I have been dating a litle over 2 months now and I have fallen for him hook-line-and sinker.
But, I think he is losing interest. Yet he won't come right out and tell me.
He is a very busy man, he works full time as a guidance counselor at a College, he runs a non-profit and he goes around and does programs about drunk driving. He is writing a book and he just co-wrote a book that he was also asked to do the forward for. So I have been really good about giving him the time he needs to get his stuff done. I never pressure him to get together or anything like that. We are both actually very good to each other. This past weekend he came over Friday night and then left Saturday around 12:30 to head home and work on his stuff. He stayed home and watched a football game, he did not invite me over, but I figured well he needs time alone too, then Sunday he went to a friends for another football game. From Saturday morning until late last night he has ONLY texted me no phone calls.
Last night at like 10pm he texted me good night and I waited for a bit then wrote back that I was feeling sad because for the past 3 days I have only received texts from him, he immediately called me and we ended up talking for almost 40 minutes, he told me he really likes me but he feels bad because he cannot give me the time and attention I deserve. He said he is not good at telling people what is going on with him. I told him he need to communicate to me better so that I don't automatically think the worst. He agreed.
This morning he texted me just a very plain good morning, no hearts or smiley faces, he said he has been up since 4am and could not sleep after our conversation. I told him I was very sorry and that I wish I could help. I also said that he needs to know I have fallen for him hook-line and sinker and that I want him to be happy so if me leaving him alone for a few days would help that I will do that for him.
Is he just feeding me a line of crap to try to get out of this gracefully? Without hurting my feelings?
I am supposed to be working right now but instead I am sitting on my couch crying and typing.
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The weeks seem to fly by!Happy Saturday to everyoneI hope that the weekend brings some chill time and barbecuesDoes it take others what seems like forever to add a comment on the boards?I'm okay everywhere else except boards..Everywhere else adds normally but it's annoyingly slow!Have a great Saturday and do something nice for you!!Big hug...xo
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
What do you think OTM?
It took me a while to figure out my purpose and direction, its tough to think about what drives you when you are so used to being driven by caring for others.
I was/am co-dependent. I needed to feel needed. Im okay with that now. But it made it tough for me to listen to my own needs as I just wasn't used to doing that, it takes practice.
SO if you are brainstorming thats great. I figured out that I like to help others, not in a co-D way but just because I love people of all ages and am fascinated by others. I am also creative. So I retrained as an art therapist. I havent got any work yet as I jumped ship before I had a chance, but I know more about myself now to figure this out. For me, the most important thing in my work is the people. I would love to teach maybe. I don't know.
So what are your strengths and weaknesses? What brings you joy? What motivates you? What makes you jump out of bed in the morning with excitement? What is your purpose and direction?
xxx
I went back to school part time when I was around 40 to get into a field that I wanted to be in however it took time to consider and a lot of hard work.... Going to school until 10 after working all day
I found a ton of satisfaction from almost everything I have done on a volunteer basis.... I've done volunteer working starting at 13 and I have always delved into things that I really cared about... There's a lot to be said for it
I think for most people with a lack of self esteem it goes a lot deeper then a career/job
I had thought a few times about getting into fitness, I was starting to train to be a personal trainer and then I dropped out. I have one things like that many times. I think I want to do something and then I don't go through with it.
M was telling me yesterday that it would be great if I could find something career wise that I actually have passion for.
I'm at a loss. And I hate to try something only to give up again.
I think if a person is miserable at their job, sure make a change. But there are other ways to find fullfillment. I agree with Suncloud that with self esteem, it's deeper than career.
Also a lot has changed since I first started this career. Now they practically expect us to diagnose patients, we have to also question the Dr's about things to see if we can get more money...etc.. It's way too complicated to talk about here, and if you don't do this line of work you would have no idea what I was talking about anyway.
More than likely I will end up getting fired from my current job. I put in practically zero effort, I don't meet productivity and basically I really do not care. It's bad. I put EVERYTHING before my job. If I am working and something else catches my attention I will go do that instead. Hell, I have even taken naps. It's actually embarrassing to be telling you all this, but that is really how bad it is.
And to be honest I really don't know if a career change is REALLY the answer.
I wonder if I will get bored with something else as well.
And I feel so ungrateful. I mean I make really good money and I get to work from home and make my own hours and still I am miserable with it.
Perhaps I just need to change my attitude toward it? And try to think of all the things that are great about it?
I don't know.
Anyway, if you hate the work, you hate the work, but I wonder if your personality is more suited to being with others and having that kind of camaraderie with coworkers. I do think though that changing your attitude until you figure out what you want is not a bad idea, right? I mean, being negative just feeds bad habits and getting fired sucks, and I can't imagine that would do anything for your self esteem.
Some days I come home and I m like : " damn, why am i tolerating this abuse ?" And on others I get home with a huge feeling of accomplishment and pride for the teamwork that just happened and the accomplishment we had.
Maybe this is something you need as well. You have lots of time and an ability - think about what you want tondo and pick up a part time job or volunteer in that field and see if you really want the change.
Too bad I can't have a job where I am in office like twice a week and home the other days. Right now I work for a company that isn't even in the same state I am in. We are all remote.
I signed up last week for 3 months of yoga and I went last night for the first time in ages and oh man did I need that!
I felt so much better, I think it will go a long way in helping me with my anxiety.
I would love to get into something fitness wise, but I hate studying so I hate the idea of more school and I hate giving up a high paying job.
I could do coding part time, but I still will be making less money.
I think comments like that sell women short, like he's only with me because I make it easy for him. Isn't it quite possible he's delighted to be with her and wants to.make the most of it, while they both try to navigate this new relationship?
Right now I do not feel that way about him at all. I feel like he is a kind good man, however if I ever do start to feel like he just won't bend and it's always about him then I will definitely give that some thought and address it with him.
For now though we are enjoying each other very much and trying to get in time to spend with each other as much as we can. It doesn't help that we live kind of far from each other.