I agree with KSprizzle , Forestfreek, ScarletAngel, and Misred, and I also think the sting that you mention that you shrug off, is part of the problem. Perhaps you should give it more thought and let that sting sink in, and question its validity, instead of shrugging it off; that's where you'll make the most progress with change. I don't believe the broken man-picker excuse, it's a poor one and it shrugs off the real reason why you, and many people, have a hard time solidifying relationships. Facing our demons is difficult and requires bravery, self-analysis, pain and discomfort. But it also makes the changes that alleviate getting yourself into these situations. I have followed your posts and each time posters offer another perspective, you shut it down, leave the site, or end the conversation, you don't look at the possible validity of the advice. Most who come here and offer advice do so from experience, and it's good advice, but you have to be brave to embrace it.

No one is saying you don't have a life, but everyone can read quite clearly your thought processes and that's all one needs to know to make a comment. You have stated that you want a relationship so very badly, and that's what drives you, not all the other things you have going. If you are not seeing a therapist, I'd really consider it, to help you alleviate your worries, because that's what they are, as he has done nothing yet to show you he is not interested. He's a busy man, and he would need to be with someone who can occupy themselves with their own things, not someone who is going to demand he spend more time with them.

Telling someone you've fallen hard for them, in the first 8 weeks, is also a lot of pressure, and it is passive aggressive behaviour, because you're expecting it to be reciprocal, and you want to hear the same thing. When you don't get the same response, you over-analyze texts, make assumptions based on your life and your views, not his, you start to pull away and say things like, 'after our such-and-such, I didn't think you'd want me to come.' This is self-defeating and exposes your insecurities, which to someone who only knows you for a short period of time, is not attractive. I'm just telling it like it is, no sweetener here. If this man has any doubts about you, I'd say it's because of this more than anything else.

I too like the jam not the bread analogy Sunny, it's fantastic, but it's also precious advice.

I wish you well.

We do all want love. But we shouldn't want love to the extent it blinds us into making poor choices or that puts us into anxiety and panic. That's need. Your man picker is not broken. That's not a thing. I think your want for love just trumps your judgement sometimes. That's all. I think it's as simple as that.

So, it's not about fixing your broken man picker. It's about learning to not feel so insecure and to manage your anxiety. He sounds like a good one, OTM. So, breath a sigh of relief about that. I get that everything that happens to us in the past informs everything we do, but letting the past define everything we do, that's actually a choice, or even a crutch. The bravest thing we can do is acknowledge we've made shitty choices and have had shitty experiences in the past, and then redefine ourselves going forward. Otherwise, we create this self proclaimed prophesy. It's almost like self sabotage.

There are never guarantees that any relationship is going to work out. So knowing that, knowing it's a crap shoot sometimes, why even fret or get worked up about the what ifs? I do believe if this doesn't work out, you will be ok. But why not aim higher and just be ok while you're actually in the relationship? That should be the goal, staying in the moment.

@Lenoire
I did say that when I read the more abrasive responses that I do think about the and consider them. Maybe you missed that part. What I meant about shrugging it off is that I don't get mad and retaliate. I just try to see where they are coming from.

I also was not being passive aggressive about telling him how I feel, I was not expecting anything in response, I was just letting him know how I feel, I was opening up to him.
See what I mean? You made an assumption that was not true. I see that on here a lot.
But it's okay, I don't get too wound up about that kind of stuff because I know where my heart is and I know my intentions and they were not to get him to say the same thing.

It's very easy for those of you in long-term marriages to insist there is no such thing as a "broken man picker." I understand all to well that choosing the wrong men can often be a reflection of where we are in our own lives. I've done a lot of hard introspective work on myself....faced my demons so to speak, shored up my esteem....and still been lured in by the charm and flattery of a snake oil salesman. Someone who my family and friends like and approved of, and were as shocked as I was to learn a year and a half into the relationship, was just a master at disguising his true self. An experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. So, no, ladies, it's not always our own problems or shortcomings that lead us to unsuitable men.

OTM, but you were hoping he'd respond in the same way, who wouldn't? What is the purpose in telling him that then, if it's not to get some response that would tell you whether or not he's as into you, as you are him?

It's not an assumption, it's knowing the human mind, and knowing that everything we do comes with a reason for doing it. This is what I mean about not being open to the advice or shrugging it off; you assume you know yourself so well that it's not what you intended, that you dismiss it, instead of admitting to yourself that yes, perhaps you were looking for recognition.

Ltwist, but it is our own inability to see through the facade of a snake-oil salesmen. The signs are all there, it's our state of mind, our low self-esteem, and our wants and desires, that push us to make poor decisions.

No, there is no such thing as a broken man picker. That's a thing we tell ourselves to some how make it this affliction, like I have psoriasis and I can't help it.

Listen, I didn't get married until I was in my 40s. Prior to that, for years, I dated some real turds. That had nothing to do with a faulty man picker and everything to do with me not valuing myself, feeling insecure and feeling desperate to have someone in my life. Once I worked that stuff out for myself, which took a while, not only did I not care if I ever met another man again, but when I did, it was a different kind of man. I'm not saying OTM doesn't value herself or is desperate. What I'm saying is that working on the stuff that brings you to the turds is what changes the script. And OTM is my friend, so I'm not slamming her or picking on her, but I am saying, we are in control of our choices. That's all.

I agree that there is no such thing as a broken man picker. What it is, is something inside of us that chooses these men and ultimately, we have to figure out what it is that makes us feel like we don't deserve the best and can't wait for the right one to come along. I find the best way is to not go looking for love, but to let love find you. Actually needing love from someone else is unhealthy, because all the love we need is already inside of us, if we love ourselves. OTM, I hate to say it, but I think the saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" fits in this situation of your love life. So many people have given a lot of good advice and some have validated what you are going through. The question is, do you continue on in the same pattern hoping for different results or do you do some self introspection, stop being defensive and take it all in. Focus on yourself for a while. Being alone is better than being with the wrong person. I also agree with lenoire and RMB. Working on the stuff that brings you to the turds is what it is all about!!! :D In the words of ru paul....if you can't love yourself then how the hell you gonna love somebody else?! Can I get an Amen?! Amen RuPaul...Amen. For me, loving myself meant leaving a dead end relationship, because being alone is better than being with the wrong one. It meant going to therapy to figure out why I was dating all these crappy guys that treated me like crap...aka what yall would call a broken man picker...and I learned that I made all of the choices. Whatever made me think I had a broken man picker was actually just something broken in me. We are the creators of our lives and the composer and conductors of our own symphonies.

Amen!

Anytime you can throw in a RuPaul reference, I'm yours.

Sir Winston Churchill is oft attributed with the quote "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it". Whether or not the quote is his is a moot point. The quote itself is quite valid, be it in the realm of world politics or personal relationships.

When one has a long history of unfulfilling relationships, it is obvious that one is not learning from one's mistakes. To keep repeating the same actions, hoping for different results is a well-know cliche for the definition of insanity.

It is difficult to take a deep look into oneself and acknowledge the not-so-pretty truths that keep one from growing. Refusing to accept oneself as the one common denominator is a big road block to growth and recovery. An honest appraisal of ourselves, the good, bad and the ugly, is necessary to find the behaviors and thought processes that lead us to continue to make the same mistakes and keep us in an unfulfilled rut. But until you identify the problematic issues, you have no way of fixing them.

@Scarlett, I agree with what you just said. I have gone to therapy and have done lots of introspection, and have realized that I AM the common denominator in all of this.
perhaps I do need more work.
But the reason I came here is because I do have issues with relationships and now that I have found a possibly great guy I don't want to mess it up, so I come here to make sure that what I am doing and thinking isn't way off the mark so as not to ruin a good thing.

Does that make sense?

This can definitely be a hard feeling to sort out, men don't think like woman do and are very hard to sort out. They don't show feelings like we do so trying to read between the lines does not always give us an insight on what they are trying to say. Even though we might feel like they don't care is not that way at all. If he is working two jobs and is busy he is probably just not knowing how to balance out his personal life and not really thinking about how you are feeling. Giving him his space is something that could work with him. seeing that you are not pushing any decisions on him about your relationship will make him feel more relaxed and come around to you in helping the relationship growth.

Thank you Nancy.

I have found your posts to be really interesting and enlightening in the realm of online dating.... It's something that I'm not too familiar with however is now the way things are done
It's fascinating to me to hear how people will initially present themselves only to be very different in RL... The mask of sanity online can be quite an acting job
I'm glad for you OTM if you've been able to see a therapist to work on what you needed to.... I think almost everyone feels pretty vulnerable when they are initially 'falling' for someone.... It's very human
I'm really happy for you if you've met a great guy and I hope it will work out happily for you.... Opening your heart to another takes a lot of courage... Big hug for you and a blessing....xo