Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So "M" and I have been dating a litle over 2 months now and I have fallen for him hook-line-and sinker.
But, I think he is losing interest. Yet he won't come right out and tell me.
He is a very busy man, he works full time as a guidance counselor at a College, he runs a non-profit and he goes around and does programs about drunk driving. He is writing a book and he just co-wrote a book that he was also asked to do the forward for. So I have been really good about giving him the time he needs to get his stuff done. I never pressure him to get together or anything like that. We are both actually very good to each other. This past weekend he came over Friday night and then left Saturday around 12:30 to head home and work on his stuff. He stayed home and watched a football game, he did not invite me over, but I figured well he needs time alone too, then Sunday he went to a friends for another football game. From Saturday morning until late last night he has ONLY texted me no phone calls.
Last night at like 10pm he texted me good night and I waited for a bit then wrote back that I was feeling sad because for the past 3 days I have only received texts from him, he immediately called me and we ended up talking for almost 40 minutes, he told me he really likes me but he feels bad because he cannot give me the time and attention I deserve. He said he is not good at telling people what is going on with him. I told him he need to communicate to me better so that I don't automatically think the worst. He agreed.
This morning he texted me just a very plain good morning, no hearts or smiley faces, he said he has been up since 4am and could not sleep after our conversation. I told him I was very sorry and that I wish I could help. I also said that he needs to know I have fallen for him hook-line and sinker and that I want him to be happy so if me leaving him alone for a few days would help that I will do that for him.
Is he just feeding me a line of crap to try to get out of this gracefully? Without hurting my feelings?
I am supposed to be working right now but instead I am sitting on my couch crying and typing.
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
This has become his passion telling other about the impact on others lives when you choose to get behind the wheel impaired. This is very important to him.
We did talk for a while last night, not too much because it was getting late. I am not going into details, but yes, we like and enjoy each other and we want to work it out. He needs to communicate to me better and I need to be more understanding and independent.
He does not know this but I have decided to get back into counseling for my own issues with low self esteem and anxiety and learning how to navigate a healthy relationship.
I thank you all for your words and wisdom. And even though a few feathers were ruffled it was probably some things I needed to hear.
(((hugs)))
I hope you are feeling better today. Thank you for being transparent about your feelings. I can relate with business, however I realize as busy as most of us are, it will take extra effect to be in a reciprocal relationship. Hopefully, "M" will realize that. Have a sweet day
I think counselling will help you with this and support you in keeping your feet on the ground and finding your worth. I know I will be struggling with this when my turn comes too. Its tough working out this stuff with a new person, and all credit to you for working it out with him. I have been thinking about you and wondering if you went. Im glad you did too. This is all about forming new habits and not falling into old unhealthy patterns like you would if a guy was a Psycho - hell we know that road don't we! So just focus on today and having a great day, with or without him. If you find yourself in a spin just message me or come on here. Maybe think about what your passion is, what's your purpose?! We all need one. hugs, give yourself a pat on the back too. xxxxxx
Balance is key in a successful mutualistic relationship in which both partners work together, both benefiting equally from the relationship.
However, many people subscribe to the "you complete me" notion of a relationship. The notion that I am not a "whole" (therefore healthy) individual without close association with another. Unhealthy, co-dependent relationship are often the result of such thinking.
Individuals in a relationship should balance and complement one another, not complete each other.
@Sunny, so funny you mention the passion thing, I hate my job even though I make great money, I want out and I want to do something that I love, but am just now in the process of trying to figure that out. My job bores me because I get no real satisfaction from it.....I just don't care about medical coding. LOL!! So I am looking at different things and trying to brain storm.
Most people find a feeling of achievement, satisfaction, even self worth and self esteem when in a career that they love; "M" probably feels that way about his work and avocation.
I surmise that working in a career that you don't like, find boring and don't care about makes you feel that you are not meeting your full potential - and that probably causes those feelings of self-doubt and lack of self esteem. Doing worthy actions adds to self worth; doing esteemable things adds to self esteem. But you probably keep telling yourself that because the money is great, spending 50% of you waking time doing something you hate doing is an acceptable pay-off.
Is it possible that because you don't find achievement, satisfaction and fulfillment in your job that you attempt to find it in relationships?
Just something to think about...