Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
So "M" and I have been dating a litle over 2 months now and I have fallen for him hook-line-and sinker.
But, I think he is losing interest. Yet he won't come right out and tell me.
He is a very busy man, he works full time as a guidance counselor at a College, he runs a non-profit and he goes around and does programs about drunk driving. He is writing a book and he just co-wrote a book that he was also asked to do the forward for. So I have been really good about giving him the time he needs to get his stuff done. I never pressure him to get together or anything like that. We are both actually very good to each other. This past weekend he came over Friday night and then left Saturday around 12:30 to head home and work on his stuff. He stayed home and watched a football game, he did not invite me over, but I figured well he needs time alone too, then Sunday he went to a friends for another football game. From Saturday morning until late last night he has ONLY texted me no phone calls.
Last night at like 10pm he texted me good night and I waited for a bit then wrote back that I was feeling sad because for the past 3 days I have only received texts from him, he immediately called me and we ended up talking for almost 40 minutes, he told me he really likes me but he feels bad because he cannot give me the time and attention I deserve. He said he is not good at telling people what is going on with him. I told him he need to communicate to me better so that I don't automatically think the worst. He agreed.
This morning he texted me just a very plain good morning, no hearts or smiley faces, he said he has been up since 4am and could not sleep after our conversation. I told him I was very sorry and that I wish I could help. I also said that he needs to know I have fallen for him hook-line and sinker and that I want him to be happy so if me leaving him alone for a few days would help that I will do that for him.
Is he just feeding me a line of crap to try to get out of this gracefully? Without hurting my feelings?
I am supposed to be working right now but instead I am sitting on my couch crying and typing.
I think it might be good to get out and have some fun casual dates. Maybe this guy isn't at the same place as you. From what you have said it feels like this guy is more up for friends rather than a fully committed partnership.
Just live your life. A relationship should be the jam on the bread not the bread!
sunny jax, I like that - "A relationship should be the jam on the bread not the bread". So true. You have to be happy with yourself and your life WITHOUT a man before you can be happy with one.
I have a broken man picker, I have chosen a lot of assholes. I really don't think he is an asshole, he seems like a good guy so I am not understanding where anyone is getting the idea that I am wavering on that part, I am not.
And if I am not going to ask my friends what they think then I should not be on here asking what you all think either.
Today he has been texting me as usual and I have responded. He is in his hotel room now getting ready to do his presentation and he called me to see if I was coming to tomorrow's presentation when he gets back into town. I said "I was not sure you still wanted me to come" and he said "Of course I do"
Then I said "Well after our conversation I was not sure what is going on between us" and he said "I can't talk about that now" which of course I understand because he is getting ready to leave to go to the college.
But I don't really know if I want to go tomorrow night, It's an hour away, the presentation is an hour, then I am sure after we will grab dinner or something.....What if after all of that he sits me down to say "Look this is all I can give you, if it isn't enough then I guess we should stop seeing each other"
Then I get to drive back home another hour!
The first sing that you are going to get dumped is change in behavior - less phone calls, less lovey dovey, etc and then he tells he he doesn't know if he has enough time for her.
I don't see why she has to be slammed for it.
This is a typical emotion of a person who has anxiety and has been rejected by so many important people in her or his life.
It is so easy to say " just get a grip" but this genius suggestion doesn't work when you felt like this your whole life.
Healing is a process and yes, some people are still healing at 50 and are still traumatized by old experiences . This doesn't mean she should lock herself in with a therapist and quit dating .
Yup still out there trying to find love!
Thank you for your positive words I appreciate it.
I do think I am going to try and make a very conscious effort to not talk about my relationship anymore. To keep things between me and my partner. I think it's better that way. Plus I won't get 100 different opinions, that only makes me more confused.
I think I don't trust my own judgement and I need to do that more.
Thanks to all!
(((hugs)))
I do struggle with anxiety and sometimes all I can do is vent about it. My meds don't always help all that much. I may need to have them changed.
If people don't want the honest opinion of, what I believe to be, well-meaning supporters on this site than perhaps they should just stick to posting in their journal and letting their friends comment there. Otherwise, it should be a given that everyone is not going view a situation from the same lens. For example, I don't agree with your definitive statement that "the first sign that you are going to get dumped is a change in behaviour......" I think that's generalizing an awful lot. This man that she is dating has ALOT on his plate and his retreat of communication could be based on many things - stress, depression, business. To assume that it's an automatic death sentence to the fate of their relationship is really jumping the gun. But whatever....
OTM, sorry if you are stumbled by the many opinions. I guess I'm baffled as to what a public forum board is for? LOL.
Good luck and I hope things work out for you:)
Jen
I've followed OTM's adventures for a really long time and this relationship is actually very different than any other one she had and I really hope it works out .
I do realize that putting something on a public forum can have some not so nice responses.
I also realize that most of the people on here are only seeing this one small specific part of my life they don't know the rest of me so it would be easy to make certain assumptions that are not true.
That is probably why for me it does sting for a second but then I just shrug it off and move on, because I know that they don't know me. But I also take into consideration the things they say to reflect on myself and see where I am in the wrong. Trust me I am not perfect either and I am sure I do things that cause some of my trouble. I am working on it. One of those things is my anxiety.
We are all a work in progress and have issues and quirks. Then there are some people who are just angry in general and love to say crappy things, but that is their problem not mine.
I also hope things work out with this man, he is very different then my usual. Matter of fact when we first met I really didn't think it would go anywhere, but because he was nice and funny I decided to give something very different a chance (he is not a bad boy), and to my surprise my feelings started to really grow for him.
I have never had a really healthy relationship, with a healthy man. So I feel I need help navigating things so that I don't screw them up. That is why I come here so that I can get some feed back to make sure that it isn't something I am doing wrong and if it is I can look at that and act in a different manner.
We all just want love don't we?
Go for it