i wasnt calling you a moron, i was trying to make a point, you expect her to keep a roof over his head and take care of everything but if she is not working she is not suppose to use anything all that child support you pay buys. you will one day grow up and see that you are wrong about this. if you were paying lets say, 500 week, i could almost understand, but i seriously doubt if that is what you pay. all this time you have been watching this group you could have been spending time with you son.

Skimmed over this briefly, so while I agree to a certain point that may or may not have been clearly made somewhere in this post, let me be clear in saying I'm supporting this point, not any particular person.

***
A child should never be used in any way or form, in part or in whole, as a "paycheck". That should never happen as our kids deserve better than this.
***

A child's CS is %100 for the child. If a parent needs new clothes, they get their own money for it. I don't care if the kid ate that week, has an outfit to wear already, etc. There is always going to be something available to spend CS money on for the child. Even if it's the difference of fresh fruit for the week instead of single can of pears. Budget where ya have to, but in ways that provide the most for the child in regards to CS. Keeping a car in good running order is one thing. Deciding to have yer entire engine of the car chromed using the CS $$ is completely wrong.

If it's not directly benefiting the child beyond the child's basic needs then that money is being spent wrong. Not only that, but if there's only $500/month being actually spent on the child when the CS is actually $800, then there is either $300/month going into a college savings account, or the CS is being spent in the wrong way.

There are plenty of other legal options to pursue for one parent to get $$ from the other. If a one parent needs $$ directly from another, then use whatever legal options seem best during a divorce or separation. The child should not be used in that way ever.

-Gil

I don't think that anyone having an opinion is wrong. I think I've been misunderstood by a couple of narrow minded people. If you don't agree with my opinion that doesn't mean any one is wrong about anything, just a difference of opinion. I guess some people have to be right about everything, or at least think that they are, it was one of the main reasons I am now divorced. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but difference of opinion is far different from right and wrong. I stand firm in my belief that any child deserves to be provided for by both parents to maximize quality of life and sense of security. If one parent or the other needs life support for themselves, they should not take it away from the child. I agree with Gil.... %100 should be for the child, not the custodial parent.

WHOA this thread is neverending lol. Gilano child support is for whatever is needed for that child to survive. Not about cloths etc.. If i go out with my money, buy cloths, pay mortgage, utilities and im going to stop their and ur check comes the next week ill spend that check however i want because my checks have covered everything already. See the problem with the idea of her living with her parents seems to bother some of u and what i don't think u understand is that if she lives with her parents they are covering whatever is needed to survive that money that child gets is probably just what i consider "play money" not enough to do much with but use on whatever. I do know how men believe they can tell u how to spend their money when what they don't realize it's not their money it's for whatever is needed in the other household for their child including a roof over their head!

I agree with Marysmum. It is perfectly logical to say that what ever money you have left over from the combined income of cs and income earned is yours to do with how ever you please if the childs needs are met. I agree with this because in most cases cs support amount are based on two incomes therefor cs alone is not enough for there to be an excess and it's set up like that for a reason! If you do not have an income you have no choice but to use the some of the child support on yourself simply to survive, then you are feeding your child ramen noodles and hot dogs, shopping at yard sales for clothes and toys, and living in a one room apartment with no A/C, when that child should have their own room, and a healthy diet.

seems like unless someone parrots your opinion they are narrow minded, you just dont get it. you know what, i wish you had full custody of your child, cause the first thing that would happen is you will not get a cent in cs, if she wont work now she certainly wont work if you have the child. child support office wont go after her no more then they will go after a man so you can count that out. then you will work long hrs to make ends meet and pay a sitter to watch your child while u do all that working and when are home you will be too tired from working so much to spend quality time and as for her visitng, lol, she will, when she needs her ego stroked or has a new bf to show her son off too, you have no idea what it is like to raise a child alone, big deal she lives with her parents and so what if someone has a one bedroom apartment with a child, if the child is taken care of and loved what does it matter....be very careful what you wish for, you just might get it. dont bite off anymore then you can chew, you are bitter, you need to talk to someone about it, and then go have a good visit with your son.

Priscila...... oh, wise and knowing priscila........

I did have a nice visit with my son this afternoon for as long as my ex would let me. I'm well aware that I would have to bust my ass if I had custody and I would too. I'm not above working to provide. I may have custody someday, I may not. It's not about what is best for her or me but for him. When she wasn't working and living off of child support that was not what's best for him. I wish you were on the other side too, paying your children's father 40% of your income while he doesn't work and living off of money meant for them.

***
WHOA this thread is neverending lol. Gilano child support is for whatever is needed for that child to survive.
***

Really not sure what the disagreement is here as I agree completely. CS = for the child. This does include any "make up $$" that was spent earlier. The theory of CS is to provide the child a standard of living that the child would have if living in a complete household. While eventually everything can be "that was spent for the child" there are various other considerations as well. Having a child eat a sandwich with a glass of water every night while the custodial parent has steak and lobster, well there's something a bit wrong there and I don't think that's what was meant when the courts consider the "best interest of the child".

What it really comes down to this, anyone receiving CS that is fed up with their Ex's asking where the money goes should simply do this. Ask for a CS review, tell the courts directly that you want and fully intend to spend any money over basic needs on you and you alone. You'll make sure the kid is fed, has "something" to wear and some place to sleep on. The rest is going towards your clothing, jewelery, a personal vacation for you, etc. It's your money after all and being upfront about it should pretty well put an end to the CS Payee asking about it, now they'll know.

Again, this is a separate issue from using CS for the child. Even if it benefits you indirectly, as it's still directly going towards the child then that's what it should be used for. How it's spent for the child shouldn't be an issue as no one will ever agree whether the kid needed a $150 pair of shoes or 3 $50 pair of shoes. As long as the kid has shoes and the $$ went to the kid. If it's misspent and not budgeted right, it's the custodial parent that will have to make up the difference themselves. If it's too badly misspent then that'd be a case of child abuse/neglect.

For me it's a very simple matter of what's right for my child. If I have so much in resource that are supposed to benefit the child, that's where it's going. CS isn't going to "mostly" go towards my daughter and the rest for me to go out drinking that weekend. It's %100 as it should be. As I don't see many people standing up to the courts and declaring any portion of the CS is "their money" I can imagine most people would go to the courts saying %100 is going towards the child, whether or not it really is. It's the child's money for the custodial parent to spend how they see fit to benefit their child.

If CS is regularly not being spent on the child and the child is not simply getting "essential" care, but not being allowed to live in the intended environment that the CS is supposed to provide for the child, well then it's something to discuss to an attorney. If the custodial parent is unwilling or unable to "properly" care for the child as the courts intended then there's grounds to at least look into a custody evaluation.

Basically, if ya don't think %100 should go to the child, then simply talk to the courts and explain to them that whatever the portion of the $$ you feel is for you directly and ask them to clarify this to the Ex so they can leave you alone. If ya believe %100 of the CS is for the child, whether or not it benefits you indirectly, then it's the Payee that needs to understand that yer spending the CS in the best way you see fit for the child that fits in with yer current budget (no details need be given). If the other parent would like to provide something more towards the child that they feel is important they're free to do so outside and beyond the CS payments.

-Gil

Ur killin me here, ur killen me, 99 replies im done! lol can't take know more tonight lol

BRANDON HANG IN THERE. THE CS SYSTEM IS UNFORTUNATELY NOT WORKING TOWARD THE BEST INTEREST OF CHILDREN IN MANY CASES (A FACT NOT AN OPINION). THE CUSTODIAL PARENT GETS ALL THE PERKS THE CHILD POSSESION, FINANCIAL SUPPORT AND LAWS WHICH PROTECT THEM TO USE THESE LAWS WHEN THEY GET PISSED OFF AT YOU. THE TRUTH AND REALITY IS A CUSTODIAL PARENT CAN REALLY MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE MAN OR WOMEN REGARDLESS. THEY HAVE THE POWER TO USE THE COURTS AGAINST YOU. FIRST AND FOREMOST ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION, HOW CAN THE COURTS GIVE A NON WORKING PARENT CUSTODIAL RIGHTS IF YOU ARE A FIT PARENT? WHY IS A NON WORKING PARENT GIVEN CUSTODIAL RIGHTS? I AM SURE, YOU ARE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT THEN YOU GET VISITATIONS AND YOUR GIVING ADDITIONAL SUPPORT FOR ACTIVITIES DURING YOUR VISITATION HOW FAIR IS THIS PRACTICE? THIS IS JUST OUTRAGEOUS! TRUST ME BEING ON THE NON CUSTODIAL SIDE IS JUST BS THERE ARE SO MANY NON-CUSTODIAL PARENTS WHO ARE GETTING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BECAUSE OF HARD WORK YOU HAVE INVESTED FOR YEARS TO BECOME A PRODUCTIVE AND SUCCESSFUL INDIVIDUAL. YEAH YOU CHOSE TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD AND IF YOU ARE MORE PRODUCTIVE IN THIS WORLD YOU SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE CUSTODIAL RIGHTS NOT NON-CUSTODIAL RIGHTS BUT THE COURTS ALWAYS SIDE WITH THE MOTHER EVEN IF SHE IS NOT EMPLOYED THAT IS JUST RIDICULOUS. HOW IS THAT IN THE BEST INTEREST? IF THE CUSTODIAL PERSON HAS NO AMBITION OR DRIVE TO MAKE A BETTER FUTURE AND PREFERS JUST TO STAY HOME WITHOUT WORKING OR GETTING AN EDUCATION? REGARDLESS YOUR OPINION AND MILLIONS OF OTHER NON-CUSTODIAL PARENTS ARE EXPERIENCING EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO TRY TO GIVE OPINIONS BUT THEY HAVE PROBABLY NEVER BEING LABELED NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT ASPECT OF THIS ISSUES. I SUPPORT YOU IN HOW YOU FEEL BECAUSE THIS HAPPENS TO MILLIONS OF NON-CUSTODIAL PARENTS WHO ARE GETTING THE SHAFT!
IN TALKING TO SEVERAL NON-CUSTODIAL PARENTS I HEAR THE SAME STORY TIME AND TIME AGAIN ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE. GOOD LUCK I HOPE YOU GET OVER THE SHELL SHOCK SOONER THAN LATER BECAUSE THE REALITY IS THAT YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE IN ORDER TO LIVE A HAPPIER LIFE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. DO NOT DWELL ON THIS JUST PAY YOUR SUPPORT DO YOUR PART AND PRAY THAT YOUR CHILD IS GETTING THE BEST THINGS THAT YOU ARE PROVIDING WITH YOUR FINANCIAL SUPPORT.

there is a reason judges do not give 50/50 custody, ask yourself, what was the reason? if you know the answer then change whatever that reason was. if you dont know the answer, ask the judge. almost every state has adopted the 50/50 parenting plan and custody, if you live in a state that has and it didnt happen, the judge saw a reason for it. once again, when the younger ppl here get a little older they will understand that whtever the court says is what has to be done and if you dont agree then you fight for what you think is right. as for some ppl making statements about "i spend as much time as my ex will let me spend with my child" if you have court ordered visitation the ex cant stop you. period. if the visitation is not enough, go back and ask the judge for more time, not too many judges out there that will deny more time with your child, unless they feel, for whatever reason, that it would not benefit the child. one more thing, i have never claimed to be all knowing, but i can spot a rat a mile away. ithroughout this enitre thread i have wondered exactly how much money a month are we talking about, because it sounds like we are talking about alot of money, and if it is, then maybe things need to be readjusted. for a member to be so "pushy" about the ex not working and living off the cs i would assume the cs is a very large amount. but the i have to think, judges are not that unreasonable unless they encounter ppl that are unreasonable, so i would assume the cs in this thread is probably a fair amount, meaning, i see not reason for where it goes to be questioned because a "fair" amount of cs, doesnt touch what it really cost to raise a child. as for"i would be willing to work all those hours" talking the talk and walking the walk are two different things, like i said be careful what you wish for. raising a child is not as easy as it looks, and can wear a person down real fast, love is not the only need children have, there is so much more to it. and right now, i dont have it in me to keep repkying to such petty bickering over oaying child support, if you want to control it then go tell a judge you want to conrol, good luck with that.

I'm glad to hear that you won't be replying any more priscila. Honestly I think the only one bickering is you. I've told already, your posts are not helping anyone, and you are just plain rude. Thank GOD you don't have it in you to reply anymore, I don't know if I can stand reading another bitter, bitchy, unreasonable, unhelpful reply.... : )

you are the only one being rude and not only to me, you are being rude to this entire group.

Priscilla sometimes people have to be put in another ones shoes to fully understand, hopefully that happens to men who think liek brandon it will shut them up completely!

looks like you had another reply left in you after all. Mary's right, sometimes it takes being in someone else's shoes to change their mind. So when either of you have PAID child support to someone that doesn't spend it on the child, you might have an idea what I'm talking about. I apologize to anyone I've offended, that was not my intent when I started this thread. I was trying to get help and support. Thank You to those who provided some helpful information. For those of you that just want to bicker back and forth about it without giving any information that can help anyone, find another thread to post on. You are not helping.