If all i had to do was pay child support honestly i would have no problem what so ever and that is the truth i wouldn't sit here saying all this if i didn't feel this way. Unless u are with ur ex in her home 24/7 then u really can't tell us what she does unless u are stalking her, so how do u know she is not teaching ur children culture, helping him with his work, teaching him basic things etc.... how do u know the child sits in front of the t.v watching it allday eating fruits snacks or whatever? Do u ask the child at age 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 what they do allday cause just about every child would say that, they can't remember the things that were important they just remeber the things they want to rememeber so how do we really know!

marysmum did you write this to someone today?See one thing i know about myself is that ive been a mother for now six years, i never was in the system, i was born wealthy and im starting my own business so i can maintain my wealth that i inherited. My boys have never went without and i could probably have five more children and not have to worry about where their next plate will come from. Where do you get off tell people the lies you are doing. You dont live off child support. So after people find this out they should not talk to you people are on here to talk with people that are going through the same things and to get help. We are not on here for you to have fun with becaused you are bored.

GSCH....that was a bit harsh...I am wondering if you have read all the posts in this discussion? She is not telling lies....she was stating facts that were mentioned in this entire discussion...and yes some people do live off child support...I know a few myself...most of us were not born wealthy and have had to struggle....she was just giving her opinion...just like the rest of us do.

brandon: you will never win this debate, back down gracefully. the fact is a judge made an order and until you can prove that your child is neglected or abused while in the custody of his mother then the order will stand. if you were so worried about what the money would be spent on why didnt you fight with everything you had to get custody of your son in the beginning. i say pay the support, stop dwelling, use all that energy having fun with your son when you have you court ordered visits which btw if she doesnt abide by them hold her in contempt of court.

gsch thats a post in another forum, matterafact the pregnancy forum which are not lies and i have said nothing that u can prove to be a lie? U are lil peep from another forum who is very upset about a post i made in another forum and bringing it to this forum now lol wow scary. Anyways gsch now i know why ur so angry ha. Brandon came to dicuss his situation and brandon im not trying to put u down as a parents honestly im sure u do alot more than most fathers but the truth of the matter is unless u have ur child with u and the mother is willing to give u custody u shouldn't be to harsh in knowing ur child has a full time mother at home, that should be a blessing and trust me if she is living with her father she cannot be getting enough to even live on her own which u both are supose to supply that roff and everything else that comes with having a place of ur own.

Just like you she can get a place of her own. The thing is which alot of you women who are getting cs dont understand or dont care. Is we are supporting two houses. X makes 35000. a year gets 8000. from me. I make 30000. -taxes 5 to 6000. -8000. plus med ins. I have to pay taxes on that 8000. she gets it free. Also still wants lunch money and help buy school clothes. She fights me for 50/50 and more time with kids because than she wont get full cs. Cs is 50/50 for the CHILD. She can win the lottery and give me none if I win I have to give her some. So tell me that is fair. Plus when we have our kids we have to also feed them and get them things for our house. no help from you gals. CS is to give the childern the same or close to the same life style. Than how come my girls are sharing a room with mom for 2 years. They had cable and tv, and vcr in there own rooms. So you tell me why they dont now. The reason is they live in pop's house. The courts dont care. I asked her to switch to know how it feels. Guess what she said no.

I spend about a good 20k on my children per year. Ur upset about paying $8000 a year for if im correct two children? I think this is a lost battle no need for argument !

I wish I got child support....when I was a single mom for 4 years back in 1990...I got NOTHING...then after 12 years the child support office cancelled my court ordered child support completely.....now years later I am raising my 2 year old grand daughter and I do NOT get child support because sperm donor is an immature ass....my daughter suffered severe post partum for almost a year...we are totally supporting her...so I have given both parents a good talking to and got their consent that we are going to adopt her....I understand the responsibility of having to pay child support...child support is based on your income...not the custodial spouse's income...I think that's why you only pay $8000 a year...which is pretty cheap...I know people who are paying $800 a month for only one child....what it comes down to is that both parents are still held responsible for the children's needs....whether or not you live together or apart does not matter to the courts...it's the law.

Kathy my boys father my ex husband didn't want to pay child support because my family was wealthy. Can u believe that?
I took him to court and he was upset asking me why when i can just get it from their grandfather. I believe some of these men don't understand they are the fathers of these children not the grandparents, the uncles aunts, current boyfriend they are. If ur paying $8000 a month plz just close ur mouth and clapp at the justice system because they really liked u. The average cost of raising a child is like 47.000 a year he isn't even paying a quarter of that. I spend about 20k on my children a year and i don't have daycare expenses liek most mothers because i have my mother and use to have my father who is now sick. I don't have the expenses liek most or either i am not counting everything but surely it probably averages out more.

That really is rediculous.....those arehis children and he is responsible for them...not their grandfather....it's really sad how many children are being affected by deadbeat parents...there is no reason why my grand daughter's so called "father" can't help support her...he's just a lazy irresponsible ass...my daughter contributes more than he does....she cannot afford alot but she spends quality time with my grand daughter...she sees her often and does things with her....that means more to a child. But the laws need to be more strict...instead of sending the deadbeat to jail they should just force them to sign over their parental rights...it's not fair to the children. Children don't care about material things....they want quality time with the parents...but what it comes down to is responsibility...and just because the parents are no longer living together that doesn't mean the child stops needing things....you are so right about how much a year it costs to raise a child....even more if the child has disabilities....people who do not pay their child support are sending a clear message to their children...the message being is they don't care....they care more about being spiteful toward the other parent rather than doing what is best for the child....that is really sad.

This can go on forever. I commend you for what you are doing for your grand daughter. I would do the same. No questions. I got this off of NJ cs sites.
How does the court set the amount of my child support?
The support amount is Generally, the court sets the amount of support using the New Jersey Child Support d on the income of both parents and the average amount that intact families spend on their children.
If you look up it is based on BOTH parents and raising a child differs from person to person. I dont mind paying it comes out of my check. What we are mad about is that live off it ,it is not to suport the mom it is for the kids. Like my x lives at home making 40000. a year and after all that I pay I live in poverty. If she was out on her own I would not have a problem. Well have to go get the girls to do my share as there father. I never missed a day. My girls are 13 & 16.

marysmum - that is great that you can spend that much on your kids a year but that is not the reality for every family. You have said you are wealthy so I don't think you should judge others who are struggling. You are very fortunate as are your children. Child support is based on income of both parents and that is their standard of living. So a child growing up with a single parent working at McDonald's is not going to have the same lifestyle or $ spent on them as a child growing up with divorced parents who are an executive and lawyer.

I think the post started because a child was going without and the mom didn't seem to care but she was still getting her nails done or whatever. That is frustrating when a the other parent sees this & also when they are struggling to give the child all they can. We all want our kids to have the best and most of us work very very hard for it. Some are lucky to be well off, others are in the middle and others have run into hard times.

Its not about the child support but wanting the best for our kids and wanting both parents to give the best. When one parent is struggling and still seeing their kid go without, its only natural to think - well why isn't the other parent contributing too? Why don't they seem to care? And sometimes they do, but its not evident. There are bad custodial parents out there, just as there are deadbeats who don't pay any support.

The people on this forum, however, all care -or they would not be on here.

gsch first ur ex made 35k a year now it has jumped five thousand to 40k a year. U have a 13-16 year old and trust me on this they are way more expensive then my children so ur ex is coming out her pocket way more than u and when u say u have to live, well so do ur children. Child support is meant for whatever needed for the children and if she is making 35-40k a year which isn't much she is spending the majority. Some people incure 8000 worth of bills a month to pay.


tjmy i know that it goes off income of these parents. Brandon stated that his child does not go without. I would go back and post it for u but my computer is lazy. If u want u can go and look back on i believe page two or three andu will see the post he said soemthing like since my child don't go without i don't ask question or something along those lines. I'm really not saying that these people should pay a million bucks or anything but complaining about 8grand a year sounds ridiculious, i would get a extra job to pay more if that was all i was giving. I spend about 20k per child a year and i have six year olds not including their fathers income or my parents money spent on them.U cannot support a child two children at that anywhere with 8000k a year and if their teens oh u really would be suffering. her income is 35,000 for two children herself and his 8grand is not enough to be comfortable. I am sure she is struggling her butt off.Tjmy what i was really trying to say before thisgot out of hand with insults (not from u) etc... is that if brandon son was comfortable and taken care and has what he needs she is doing her job and i personally would be happy if my boys had a mother in the home with them if i was a man. 2 each it's own really i don' t think they will understand me know more than i will understand them. Although this was a interesting discussion!

Marysmum - you are correct - I guess I got mixed up because other situations have been discussed as well.

I try very hard to be open minded. I guess I feel 2 people should be contributing to the roof over the head, etc.., thing. Two households are needed or visitation would never be allowed. Brandon should not have to pay 2 electric bills but if ex is living w/ her dad she doesn't have that bill.

My wish is just that both parents are looking out for the child (present & future) and that the child is not being deprived of anything. Since it is hard to live off one income, I see why people are concerned when that is all the child is getting.

I think what makes it extra frustrating for the payers on here is that they love their children and want more time with them but a lot of the custodial parents use money as a way to bribe them for that time. That's what makes is sad and unfair. Most custodial parents who are on this site are probably not like that, shoot - a lot of them on here just wish the other parent would be more invovled. So its tough to have these discussions when the real "bad guys" are not even on here because they don't care.

yes tjmy exactly. U know what i just want to say and ill try and hush after this. I know it's not appropriate for one person to pay for bills both homes etc.. If i an try and put it this way maybe i will be alittle more clear. If a mother pays rent, say $1000 dollars, pays electric$130, paysa gas$200, pays for food, cloths, household substances, gas, cable, phone, internet, school supplies, educational expenses, co pays at doctors visit, medicines etcc oh and trust i can go on here lol and the man comes out his pocket for the children only$600 dollars a month and see's them for two days every other weekend then what is he really covering, he can't even pay half the rent and child support is for that roof, gas, light, phone, educational expenses, that cellphone she needs to stay in contact so the schools can find her etc... i feel the man is getting a huge break Even if she is living with her father somoene is paying for it other than these fathers. We both are suppose to contribute to these things, that why it's harder for broken homes because they have to try and do it all alone. I think ur talking about a more personal situation which maybe unfair because ur situation is different and i wouldn't put it in this catergory because ur both doing all u can for ur stepson which is a beautiful thing and the mother seems to feel comfortable not doing anything in ur case if im correct!