Well I see your point. I've been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend who has two children and he pays child support each month and the money DOES pay her rent!! Believe it or NOT people SHE DOES and CAN LIVE OFF OF IT!! It pisses me off because even though we're not married my money goes into helping him pay his own rent or buying the kids things while we're out. The mother of the kids does NOT WORK, she's on welfare, doesn't have a license, a car, OR a JOB(and NEVER has and isn't trying to do anything)!! So a lot of these people should lay off because they obviously don't see your point. It's funny because my bf doesn't mind paying and supporting the mother of his kids and I do. I don't think that its right for her to live off of the child support and he still has to buy school clothes, school supplies, shoes, clothes, food ALL OF THE ABOVE! She's living comfortable while him and I are struggling day to day trying to put our money together to help each other out on our bills!! It sucks and its not right!!

bottom line is you need to take this back to court and have it redone. based on your income and hers (they will use 40 hrs week at min wage) and support will be set on that figure. i understand your frustration, but i will not say i think it is wrong for a mother to stay home with the child at any cost. kids need their parents, even if its just one at all times. unless she is out doing the party girl thing, leaving him with sitters while she is out laying all the time, if she is taking good care of him, spending time with him, you should not worry. be careful what you wish for, if support is lowered to a point that forces her to work, your child will become a statistic, one that goes from home to school to sitter to home and start all over next day. mom will be tired after work OR need to destress that could lead to the party girl thing, i dont think you should support your ex, but if she is able to make it on whatever the judge ordered, whats the problem? i live this everyday, i am stay at home mom, as much as i love ss it would be nice to have a little adult interaction and to be honest, if she does here and there, so what. do you sit at home when not at work? i dont know, i just dont get it, some ppl that pay child support keep up with the laws and make sure they are doing the right thing, some ppl dont. some ppl that get child support and do the right thing, some ppl dont. we can not police them as long as the children are not going without, and as long as the kids are happy, isnt that all that matters in at the end of the day?

I agree with Orange County.

Brandon my x is the same way. When we sold house money was put in to escrow for child support and was to go to child support. When she got money 1800.00 she paid lawyer and had the nerv to ask me to give the kids lunch money. She lives with dad and is going to college and x inlaws are raising my kids AND NO ONE WANT TO LISTEN.

is there a reason why she dont work?
or is it by choice
im a workaholic i love working BUT....
i cant i have to do 24/7 care for my son he is a sick child and every time i try to work i get phone calls saying something is wrong i need to come home i lost jobs caz my son is really sick and will be for a long time. i have no choice but to live off child support its a little over $500.00 a month + i get SSI caz of my son, i hate it but its life i deal with the hand i got if i cant take care of my self how am i to take care of a child

I can relate to your frustration. I am a mom who pays child support to her ex for the support of my son. I have also been on the other side of the fence, having received no support for one child and a minimal amount for the other. (that was when the system didn't go after the other parent). Now, I pay him about 1/3 of my pay, which leaves me living on a substandard level. I have a small apt, no toys, no cable, cheap car, etc. After 16 yrs of helping my ex support his son (which he never paid support for) he now reaps the benefit of not only having a hefty check coming in every week, but I also have him half the time. How is that fair? It makes me mad also to think that my ex makes the same, if not more, than me, and he lives quite nicely now. He has motorcycles, dirtbikes, nice apartment, brand new furniture, goes away every other weekend, and my son spends quite a bit of time alone, always wears the same clothes, and isn't really "taken care of" the way I would take care of him. It is frustrating. If my ex wasn't working, that would really tick me off even more. Yes, it is great that your child has a home, a parent, food, clothing, but you would also provide the same wouldn't you. We all do - whether or not we are the custodial parent or not. If we have our children visiting, we provide the transportation, food, another bedroom and all that goes with that, clothing. I don't know the age of your son, but that certainly matters too. If he's in school full time, then I would think that she should be out there looking to bring in some income. Good luck to you. Try not to let it get to you. Some things we have to almost become numb to in order to go forward with our lives.

I think just about every woman have heard this at one time. Personally when a parent is a single parent it's alot harder than if u both were married, we weren't suppose to have children living with these arrangements in the first place but since they are it puts a strain on the parent who is doing mostly everything. If she goes out and get a new pair of cloths i don't see nothign wrong with it as long as ur son is well taken care of. I wouldn't care what she spends the money on as long as my CHILD is cared for and not looking like a bum and let sbe honest if he was u would have already mentioned it. I do not have a porblem with a woman choosing to stay home and raise a child even though i don't know how to do it off child support. Really u might be consentrating on the wrong things honestly she has to pay for alot more on that list thenu realize and it never is enough or more than enough to care for ur child.

marysmum.... my concern is that my CHILD is not getting what he needs because she is not doing her part. She was not working and asking me for more money. She's an adult and no longer my spouse, I have no obligation to support her. She was spending his support on herself and I don't think that's right. I realize there is a long list which is all the more reason that she should be supporting herself and not using the child support funds for herself.

Agree with Brandon - one parent shouldn't get to decide to sit home on their butt while the other pays 100% of the child support. Seems to me that is the parent who is being irresponsible and maybe the child should be with the hard working parent. Things change with divorce - it can't be sugar coated where one works and the other stays home and plays housewife/husband, unless there is an infant or a rich person in the mix.

tjmv12 who decides if a mother should stay home with her child and raise them as a homemaker or not. Families weren't meant to be divided but they are may be know fault of our own. My mother was a homemaker and father was a provider and i know to this day we very much needed our mother in the home and thankful it was able to work out that way. Divided families are disfyunctional for the most part, both parents out of the home working, children not getting enough time spent with parents etc... the young child is only six to some that is young and if u can be home with ur child then do so. He didn't say she was spending money on her hair and nails he simple implied that she is living off his money and she should work also. Why does she have to work, to plz brandon? sorry brandon nothing against u seriously but im am always in favor of mothers being able to stay home and raise their children i always think it's a better outcome then parents who are not able to be in the home. Do the statistics, it's usually always a better outcome. My ex to my boys wanted me to work, i was living with my parents and he was so jealous that my parents were well off that i never needed for anything so he was always upset that i didn't work, now he has other children by a woman that he is married to that doesn't work i think thats a bit ironic that he was so presistent on me working and now he is married and has two other children and his wife never worked, why did he want me to work so badly? i think thats very confusing that she has to work and u would rather ur child be put in someone else care just so she is spending money she has to work for instead of being able to provide a living off what little she gets from u.

Because child support is to go to helping support the child not the mother/father.Read the laws. If the child is under 5 or 6 or has medical problems than I can understand. X and me have worked all through relationship and my girls get straight a's. You can still work and raise your kids good.If we dont pay child support than we can lose our drivers license, go to jail, get it reported to credit report, have our tax refund taken away. But if other person dont work nothing will happen. Also the one who has the child can make as much money as they can and still get child support.

Well maybe this just hits home too much for me because I feel my situation is unfair & I'm sure I'm not the only one. If a child is in school & its a hardship on one person paying the support I don't see why the other person should get the luxury of choosing not to work (keyword choosing). It frustrates me that other parent isn't trying to do something to contribute? (Just for the record I'm talking about good moms & good dads who both wish they had full custody but a judge can only give to one or the other.) What's wrong w/ a part time job? I'm still trying to figure out why my husband's ex was allowed to quit work and reduce their childrens' standard of living by 40%. Now all of the cost is put on my husband to pay 100% while she sits on her butt & the kids are in school all day. How is that "okay"? Yes - the kids are going without. To reduce their standard of living by 40% they are going w/ out something. Now my husband is laid off & what will happen w/ the kids? He has to struggle for employment & paying household bills in two homes but its okay for her to not have a job? Sorry - I don't get it. Not when the kids are in school. Not when money is tight for both. Not when it wasn't a set precedent before they split.

I work full time & my son does not go to daycare. I am there for him before school and after school, so working mom's aren't always missing. Shoot, I was a room mother in his class last year and will do it again this year.

Child support is for whatever is needed in the home of where that child resides, if u go to a thrft store and buy the children cloths and spend the rest of the money on ur rent the courts will not say anything. U are a married woman tj automatically u cannot be put int he single mothers catergory, i don't know if u were ever a single mother but things are always alot harder when it's one parent compared to two parents. If a mother can stay homew ith her child andlive of child support then why would i be bothered with that truely? Child support is not equal to what he spends in ur household daily. U get way more from ur husband than she gets in child support for that child. He is not supporting two households, he might pay her $300 in child support or more and u think that can honestly take care of a household?that isn't enough 2 care for one child alone. I understand if the child gets $800 a week but thats hardly ever the case lol. Brandon has stated that she is not his spouse anymore so she shouldn't be able to live off him basically. divided home like i said before anc the child will suffer. U work and ur also married, i was working before i started taking care of my parents trying to do what my boys father wanted to make him happy one of my boys got sick with a condition called intussception excuse my spelling. I was in and out of the hospital for so much everytime he complain about his stomach after finding out he wasn't well and my job wasn't going to keep letting me off but i had every reason to take off. When that child is sick she is the one who has to wake up in the middle of the night by herself and get that child to the hospital, or take him to his appointments make sure she is at all his recitals etc... not saying brandon don't do these things but as a sigle parent u tend not to want to bother the other parent for fear u might hear something u don't want to hear and regret calling int he first place. Its not my job to inform their father that his child has this or that happeneing he should know what is happening with his child, if the child is sick then yes tell the father but unless they have a real good friendship then usually thats never the case. I'm not argueing here im just saying i know what it's like being a single mother

Just for the record - I was a single mom for 3 yrs & the woman I am talking about has never been a single mom. She is a college educated woman working on her 3rd marriage - she was having an affair w/ this man before she was split & then they lived together and then she married him as soon as their divorce paper was signed. He makes $35K per yr so I don't know how they live off that, but my husband pays $820/mo, actually it used to be $1200 a month he paid until mom decided to stop sending her child to private school. I know what it costs to take care of a child - I have one. Plus I buy stuff for my stepdaughters so they don't go without nice things.

I just don't see why both parents should not contribute financially to their childs well being or want to give them all they can unless they are unhealthy and need the parent or very young. Your situation must be different if your son has health issues and you also need to assist your parents. I'm only speaking for situations where none of that is happening. There are good reasons not to work & there are other good reasons why both parents should be contributing. No situation is the same.

But again 1200 is not enough to survive off of either, i get alitle less than $800 and trust me it does nothing for me honestly but get their cloths or whatever items needed for them . If i take care of my parents i wouldn't be able to survive off child support so only time i would be upset about her living off child support is if she doesn't have enough money to live that way and is struggling off what she gets and the child is going without int he process. If she can survive and they have enough food etc to get by then i wouldn't care one bit. I don't want to rub off any family values on anyone but i was taught that a man is to provide for the home and the mother care for the children. I really don't see any reason why it's a problem with one parent supporting the home if the other canlive off that amount. My boys father didn't want to pay child support because he felt my parents were wealthy so he rather me get any help from them and not him. So i know how confusing and misleading some can be.