wow, what a topic! i feel the need to add to this again. Brandon, you say your concern is that your child is not getting what he needs because she doesnt work. exactly what is the child in need of that he doesnt get? you do realize that if she is neglecting the child you can go for custody and have him fulltime and let her pay you child support. since this is such a hot topic right now, tell me, how much do you pay in child support? i ask because it seems like the way you are explaining your concerns that you must be paying a huge amount and resent that you pay while she doesnt pay $$$. let me enlighten you on a few things. she may not be paying in $$$$, but rest asssured she is paying. like i stated before, unless she is a party girl leaving your son with sitter and partying all the time, she is paying. if you were widowed you would be paying double whatever you are paying now for childcare because no one is going to come in and take care of your child for free, some ppl do not think about the little stuff that really adds up. lets see, as a single parent you are the nurse, the cook, the sitter, the teacher, the taxi, the housekeeper, the one that has to make sure things are taken care of at all times, have any idea what it would cost to pay an outsider for those services? its like i told my husband, we have full custody of his son that has autism, i dont work i stay home and take care of him, actually i do work, i have a job at home on the internet taking the calls for the digital converterbox you keep seeing commercials about all the time, but i am only able to work when ss is in school. if my husband had to pay for the things i have done in the past 2 yrs, it would have cost him no less then $400 a week, and i am going on the cheap end on this. driving ss to dr appt, therapies, helping with homework, cooking his meals, washing his clothes, bathing him,oh wait, when i first got here he was 5 yrs old, wore diapers, didnt speak, i literally had to potty train a 5 yr old and teach him to talk as well. i had to teach him to feed himself, and just recently i had to take on the board of education to get him out of special education and into a general education classroom, advocates charge $350 an hr, i worked on this since last feb and just got every thing done last week, it was a real job but i did it. the list goes on and on. is your child in school? like i said if she is blowing the money on herself and your child is going without then you need to fight for custody. personally i smell a rat here, someone that doesnt want to pay support unless the other parent pays too, and doesnt want custody, just wants to try and control the ex's life, well guess what, if he is clean and has a full tummy and clothes on his back and has a roof over his head, even if it is her parents house, who cares, he is safe and loved, do you think she has custody just to spite you? do you think she doesnt love him? you cant put a dollar amount on loving a child. i am sorry you feel the way you do, if it bothers you that much go for custody, but be careful what you wish for, you just might get it and find that walking in her shoes is not the cake walk you thought it was. raising a child is a 24/7 job, no vacations, no benefits, other then love from the child, which is the best benefit in the world! but its not easy, i promise you, the judge was not asleep when he gave her custody or set child support, he has guidelines he had to go by, if things have changed then you need to take it back to court. so i guess what i am saying is either take her to court and get custody or stop trying to fix something that is not broken. you should be grateful your child is not in the care of strangers while mommy works, people can be very cruel to kids and you never know who might harm your child. why not talk to her about it. if your child is going without, make a list of the things he doesnt have, shoes, clothing, food, electricity, a roof over his head, medical needs not being met, document everything and take it to the judge. dont be spiteful, in the end the only one it will hurt is your child. my ss mom pays $75 a week childsupport and refuses to pay court ordered share of medical bills. that is $300 a month, she is a registered nurse that works at a major hospital in nashville tn, making some where around $60,000.00 a yr. and that is all she does, she buys him nothing, i mean nothing, talk about unfair, while she is out doing the party girl thing i am here raising her son, but that is ok, he knows he is being taken care of and he knows that his biomom does nothing for him.
i have read all the replies, everyone here live different lives, i cant say that everyone here is right or wrong, i cant say that i am right or wrong, but i can say this, if your child is going without you are obligated by law to take it to court, so if this is real neglect take action! if this is just a vent, then you are at the right place, we vent here and its ok, if this is someone who is pissed because they have to work and pay child support while mom stays at home and takes care of the child then you need to grow up, cowboy up, man up, and stop complaining and start being grateful that your child has his mother with him, he is one of the few lucky ones that has mommy at home when he gets home from school. be grateful that he knows he is loved. take all that resentment and put it into showing your child just how much you love hi when you have him. there was a time when you loved this woman, she is the mother of your child, you dont have to love her now, but you must respect her because if you disrespect her infront of your son i promise you that he will remember it when he gets older and he will hold it against you for the rest of your life. dont do that to him, he is an innocent child. if there is not neglect or abuse and his needs are met, leave well enough alone and get on with your life and love your son with all you have, he needs it from you too!

I didn't read all of your post priscila as it is way too long and looks like a rant from someone who has too much time on their hands. If I recall you are the one asked if you had ever paid child support and your answer was no. That being said; I'm not angry or bitter about paying child support as I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to do so. I also believe that she has some responsibility also. She complains about what she has to spend on him and says that it's too much but she will only work part time. My honest opinion is this.... Father's who don't support their children give us a bad name. Mother's who use their children as a paycheck and sit on the couch all day give good mothers a bad name. Every situation is different. Things have improved, she's working part time and I get to see my son when she's working. However, if I deny any request from her that I pay for something that should be paid for with the child support funds she denies me any time with him not ordered by the court. By doing this, she also denies him a healthier relationship with his Father.

Brandon i feel for u honestly because if she uses any reason for u not to see ur son unless it's for very very very important reasons she is holding grudges, I haven't recieve a check in months and im not holding grudges against my boys father but everyone has their reasons. Brandon when it comes to her staying home i have to agree with priscilla a stay home mom is a personal assistent who never gets a day off so her working would only add to the difficults of being a single mom. I don't agree wit her having to work if she doesn't have to but i hope her part time job helps u relax alittle.

Brandon - glad to hear she is contributing now, but sorry to hear she likes to play games with the money. Some people are just evil and bitter and like to use their child as the pawn. I hope one day she realizes time with dad is imporant, not just something to toy with. Besides - two people make the baby, 2 people should raise the baby and 2 people should contribute toward the baby.

Parenting is a lot of work, but its also a blessing that we don't get paid for and shouldn't get paid for. Its work but its work we choose, not a burden. I guess people that have their children with them all the time, don't realize what a gift it is.

marysmum... as far as her staying home and not working, I have him every other weekend, so she does not go without a day off. Seems to me like some mothers who stay at home don't give any credit or respect to the father who is supporting two households.

My x does that crap to. She wont agree to let me get the kids through the court to have them more because than she wont get full child support. There is no reason that I cant. She lives with her parents and they are raising my girls not x. I pay 130 a week for 2 kids. Dont forgat she is soposed to put 130 a week to. So you tell me how she is spending 260 a week on 2 kids and dont pay rent, no elect bill, no car payment,but someone is paying for her college. Guess who. The kids are living to the parents rules not there mothers.

My fiance and I are in the same boat. He pays $1150/month for one child, and the ex doesn't work. Everyone who is saying she "couldn't possibly live off of that"...well, she does. She lives in a slum where SS can't play outside. So he rots in a one-bedroom apt watching TV all night, every night. He goes to school, comes home, gets sat in front of the TV, and is fed CANNED SOUP for dinner. I would love to give out her phone number so anyone here could call and ask, "SS, what are you doing" ('watching TV')..."What did you have for dinner" ('soup'). She takes him NOWHERE - not to the park, no vacations whatsoever, nothing. This BS about the child support providing for HIM is sick. There is not ONE thing she provides for him that we don't - bedroom, toys, clothes, food, etc. And we have him 50% of the time. In fact, we pay MORE because we keep him in clothes/shoes that FIT, actually take him places so he experiences more out of life than 4 walls, feed him healthy food, cover health insurance and expenses, contribute to a college savings plan, etc. And I say we because obviously with that amount of child support the "extras" come out of my pocket greatly.

What pisses me off is all this "quality time" she should have with him since she doesn't work...doesn't exist. She uses the TV as a babysitter, half of the time letting him sleep on the couch in front of it rather than actually putting him to BED at night.

Yes, this has been to court - the support was just upped from $708 to $1132 last month. The judge seems to be OK with this crap.

All that said...the best advice I have is (and I have to remind myself of it too)...knowing what kind of quality of life that poor child has when he is with her, as she is clearly OK with being a louse and a disappointment as a parent and a human, it's up to us to provide the guidance, structure, stability, and role modeling, or the children won't get it at all! We are trapped in this s#!%%y court system, and I know I can't change it. So I look for good sales on clothes, clip my coupons, and search the local paper for free children's festivals and events! And then I get on here and bitch every once in a while :)

Some of u are hiliarious, GSCH u pay $130 a week and ur complaining at all to me is funny for one. Omg is this what is really going through ur minds. People complaining she lives with her parents so i guess she is lucky well remember it's not her parents responsiblity to take care of ur children together it's your jobs to care for ur children. If u pay her child support and she lives with her parents then she is contributing her share relgardless if she lives with her parents, u are not putting thr roff over the childrens heads, u are not feeding them for the entire month off hwat u claiming to pay, u are not putting the cloths on their backs, u are not using ur hot water to give htem warm baths, u are not using ur heat or ur air conditioner or central air to keep them warm or cold, u are not washing their blankets every two days , u are not buying lotion supplies hair detangler etcc to keep them clean, u are not keeping them hydrated if she lives with her parents i can bet u a million it's her parents money doing all of that so WHAT ARE U COMPLAINING FOR, plz forgive me this subject is touching because i have been through it myself and i was a mother who stayed home with my boys living with my parents and was talked about by my ex because of it when his money wasn't doing anything it was my parentsmoney, his hardly came and on top of thatwhen it did i was lucky to get it and also it could only go so far i could usually only pay for some cloths and then take them out a few places and the money was through, i think u men don't know how easy u have it honestly. I don't give credit to anyone brandon who is taking care of their chidlren "it's the job" do u give urself credit for eating dinner everyday??

marysmum... I don't see what's funny about this at all. We as father's that pay child support are providing funds necessary to provide food, clothes, shelter, etc. for our CHILDREN. These funds are not spousal support or they would be called as such. Our former spouses are responsible for providing for themselves just like we are. They should also be responsible for providing at least a portion of the support for their children. If you're living with your parents and eating their food and using the child support for other things, then the child support is not being used for what is intended for. You're an adult, get a job and take care of your kids, ask the court for wage garnishment if your ex isn't paying. You are BOTH responsible for supporting your children but not each other. If you are using the money you do get for clothes, food, etc. for yourself you are taking it away from your children. Just my opinion there, I think adults should be responsible for themselves and not use their children as paychecks.

brandon yes that is true but ur not only responsible for ur children food and cloths ur responsible for the roof over their head, for the heat that keeps them warm, for the air that keeps them from being to hot, for the food in the fridge for the soap and lotion u put on them to keep them clean, for the gas that takes them to and from school or for the babysitter u need to go to and from work, for the doctors co pays throughout their life, for the bills u inquire for that child while it's under 18 etc... and i can go on and on but i fear u won't finished reading it if i do. Brandon u are both responsible for all that so tell me how much is enough money to do all those things when ur a single parent? If i could pay my boys father $1000 a month and thats it oh ill shut my mouth and pay it and if my children came to my house neat clean and well fed i wouldn't have anything to say at all because i know that $1000 dollars is not fully covering even half their expenses. Let talk about expenses whether she lives at home or not, rent, heat, electric, water, garbage, cable, phone, internet, gas, groceries, nesscessities, educational expenses etc.. that list goes on and on to, do u really feel that ur paying for all those things honestly, tIf ur child lives with u for one week and then the mother for one week then ill shut my mouth but if he doesn't then u should shut urs.

marysmum.... I have been providing all of the things you mentioned for my son since the day he was conceived. All I'm saying is BOTH parents need to contribute to providing for the children while supporting themselves. Yes, the kids come first but we can not support our children without support ourselves, that's not how it works. BOTH parents make sacrifices not just the "single mom." I am a single parent and I have requested that my son live with me and she's denied that request. She's denied him time with his father and used the support for him on herself. I've asked her how much she spends on him and she tells me it's none of my business. That's fine, as long as she's not letting my child go without. But when she's not working I know she is buying food and clothes for herself with money meant for him. If you don't like my topic of discussion maybe you should just stop post on it.

My last comment on this...if the kids are so expensive get a job to help too. If you can't handle all the stress or extra expense, give the child to the other parent to raise. I bet if Brandon had full custody he would not even ask his ex for $$. Unfortunatly mom's usually get custody whether good or bad.

Its 2008 and most intact family homes have a working mom and dad. And they only support one household. So when there are 2 homes, 2 parents need jobs. I know of a few dad's with custody and they don't ask for any $ and they don't complain about the expense either. I have also never heard of a dad that had custody and didn't have a job.

timy so u feel if someone cannot afford to care for their child they should give the chidl to the father? if that is what u truely said then i feel really bad if u were a judge to all those mothers who are doing their best to give their child a good life on what little money they do get. Brandon im responding to ur post because u ask for advice on it and now u are turning me away because im giving it to u? This is not somthing that u needed advice on then u just wanted for people to see it ur way. Both parents do contribute to raising the children whether they have a job or not providing for ur child is not only having a job it's many other factors. U stated ur child does not go without well it's clear then theirs know need to be upset right?? tjmy if his child is not going without and he posted this just now let me copy and paste it to u. (I've asked her how much she spends on him and she tells me it's none of my business. That's fine, as long as she's not letting my child go without.) If his child is doing fine this really what is the issue really?? is it that u just want her to work? she lives with her father so that means her father is supply mostly everything and ur money is just helping. Why would i care if the father or mother of my children are not working as long as nothing illegalis happening and my childis not sitting on welfare or not being cared for properly what does it matter??Because she might buy herself a cupcake with the money that is meant for whatever ur child expenses maybe which is everything even herself eating the cupcake. Brandon usually their is a truth behind this and usually in most cases it's not her getting a job it's everything in between!

why are ppl so hung up on the child support they get anyway ppl are lucky if they get any at all. if u love ur kids you would not sit here and com plane all the time about how much you receive i would pay child support in a heart beat if it meant knowing my kids have a ruff over there head.

Brandon, some people are satisfied with the minimum necessary, and for others that's not OK. I personally find it sad and irresponsible that my SS's mother thinks her only responsiblity is to feed him *something* (i.e., junk) and make sure there's a roof, running water, and electricity. I personally would not be OK with this for my own child, and am not OK with it for my SS-to-be. He deserves more than that. I think she's ignorant and disgraceful. And the more money a judge requires to be given to her, for her to do the minimum necessary for this child, the more that is taken from OUR pockets - money that we would LIKE to use to go above and beyond just food and shelter when he is with us, and actually provide culture and experiences beyond TV. So again, it's an issue of standards and ethics, and the less money you have to spend on enriching your child's life beyond the basic necessities, the more you have to bargain hunt and keep up with local free events to provide for your child what (s)he is likely not getting at the other home, if that parent isn't working. Good luck :)