This may shock you marysmum but you are right. BUT she dont pay RENT,ELECT,CABLE,FOOD,INTRENET,PHONE,SCHOOL SUPPLYS,EDUCATIONAL EXPENDSES,COPAYS AND MEDICAL EXPENDSES. My ins covers all medical, my mom works at target so I get discount I bought 200. in clothes for them, I bought there school supplys, Her father buy his choice pay for the living expendses. She does pay for her car ins and gas for it and cell phone.So if both parents are to put into the pot. How is she spending 276. a week for the kids. I will tell you by not letting me see kids more because she wants max, by her going to college for the next 1 1/2 years, by taking my kids with the boyfriend ( that I know nothing about) on trips. 4th one in 2 years. I am 5000. in debt for them. The kids get more than I make in a year. We still have to support them when they are with us.

I would like to make something clear. If she was making 200,000. a year she still would not move out of her fathers.

I started this because I had an issue with my son not receiving what the court awarded to my ex for HIS SUPPORT.

marysmum...... rent is a major part of the support, SO if you want to talk numbers you can take your figures and cut most of them in half since the mother should be paying for her own part of the rent, utilities, groceries, etc.... The CS is meant to help support the cost of raising children. It is not meant to be spent on a house for my ex to live in, food for my ex to eat, clothes for my ex to wear, heating and cooling for my ex, transportation for my ex, beauty care services for my ex, it's for my kid, there's no doubt about that. It's not for getting my ex's nails done or gas for my ex to go to her friends house every day, or for my ex to buy new clothes, or for my ex to travel out of state for 5 days and leave our child behind. My child does not require any of those things to provide the lifestyle HE had before his mother and I were divorced. My ex needs to be an adult and support herself instead of taking things away from our child. If she can't get a job she should get assistance from the government, her family, whatever. The judge did not order child support for her to use on herself.

Priscila....... you will never change my mind on this, you may just want to stop trying to. I'm not trying to win anything. It's not win or lose to me. It's a discussion, not a debate. If we disagree and you think my ex should spend CHILD support on herself, then we'll just agree to disagree. Every situation is different as you can see from reading this discussion. There is no winning or losing when it comes to raising a child.

single mothers reading this...... PLEASE don't let your children go without because you refuse to support yourself. Don't use child support as your support, it's wrong. I understand some people fall on hard times, but TRY to take care of yourself and TRY to help provide for your children. If you're not working, get assistance from family, friends, and/or the government and don't spend the child support on yourself, it's for your children! If you receive spousal support, THAT is for you, if not then the judge concluded that you can support yourself.

Maysmom I am not picking on you. You are pregnant. Did you know since you have so much money that there can be a chance that you will have to pay him cs. Because the child has to have a close standard of living the child has with you. He can do what ever he wants with it. That is 25 to 40%. So let me know how it goes and good luck.

Brandon...as a single mother who is receiving next to no child support..I can for sure see your point! I stuggle, fight and live on a prayer constantly!

But, let's be realistic here...does the fact that she is the one that lives with him change how much things cost??

I am a WORKING mother...so for me the playing field is completely different! My wages plus the child support is all pooled together..what difference does it matter if it comes out of MY account or HIS child support?? It's all going toward the betterment of OUR children...

If you feel you are beeing duped by her because of the amount of child support you are paying...simply take her back to court to have the amount reviewed and amended as necessary...the court has the final say..not you or her...IF the court decides that the amount you are currently paying is a fair amount, you have got to let go of it...and let it be....until then...you do have the right to have a case review every 24 mos.

good luck!!

the problem is you have not answered the question that has been asked several times by seveal ppl, is you child going without his needs being met? is he neglected? honestly i dont understand, i personally thinnk your child is lucky, his mom is home with him, not working 50-60 hr a week to make ends meet, while he is with a sitter. this smells more like jealousy to me, i think that if it were the other way around she would be complaining about paying too and you not spending it exactly the way she thinks it can be spent. once again, if your child is going without, take her to court. one more thing, when you met her did she have a job? did she have her on place? if she did not, exactly what makes you think she is going to do it now? she sounds young to me, you do too, not a bad thing, just an inexperienced thing, be happy your son has his mommy with him. half the kids in this country dont have their mommy with them, even the ones that have mommy and daddy together. you seem so bitter about paying child support, i assure you what you pay is not enough to support her and your son, you are hell bent on her working and the fact is, you do not get to control her anymore, which it seems to me that is what this is probably all about, you dont have control. move on, have fun, and make every minute with your son the best it can be!

Priscila...... I have answered that question if you like in my posts. Marysmum also referred to it. My son is not going without. Because she is working now, paying her share of her household. I provide my son's share of her household. I provide for him now, but not her. My problem was when I posted this she was not doing her part, I'm sure things were different 30 to 50 years ago but we live in today's world, today's economy, and today's society. To answer your question she was working when I met her, she quit 2 weeks after finding out she was pregnant. She does not have to work 50-60 hours a week to pay for her part of her household, I work 40 and pay for myself and my child. I'm not sure why you can't understand that I want the child support to go to my child! It's not jealousy, it's wanting to provide for my child and not my ex wife. He has a MOM and a DAD, he's lucky to have both of us. His mother is not the only one who loves him and you make it sound like father's don't give a damn and just complain about paying support. I don't want to control her, I want her to do the right thing and use the money to provide for my son while supporting herself OR find the next poor sucker that will put up with her and support her so she can sit on the couch and watch TV, and use all the money for child support on my son AS IT WAS INTENDED!

Brandon i don't think ur fully going to understand what we are saying to u. Ur fed up period and disgusted and it's really clear, im sorry u feel so bad about this situation but i don't think it will change, if u go to court and say she gets her nails done with ur money they are probably going to say ok well what does she spend her money on, u can say she lives with her father and has to pay for nothing and they are going to say well guess what then ur getting off easy. I mean we can discuss agree disagree but as u said ur child is not going without and is doing fine and honestly thats all that matters to the courts!

kidsintowe... thanks for the advice, I have considered going back to court but it has not been 24 months. It does not matter which account it comes out of in my opinion. My concern was that she was using money meant for his betterment on herself, therefor decreasing his quality of life. It's just my opinion and I'm not sure why Marysmum and Priscila insist on debating with me about it. I admire the WORKING single mother very much. And I do not think there is anything wrong with stay at home mother when the option is available, but we can't all be wealthy by inheritance like Marysmum. If the father is wealthy and required to pay $1,666 a month for his kids, he should absolutely pay it without complaint. If the spouse is unable to spend that entire $1,666 on her children she should be receiving spousal support, they call it "maintenance" in Missouri. Point being, mother's should not use their children as paychecks. Some mother's say it's a full time job, and I do not agree. It's a gift you should cherish not a full time job, not a job that you should receive a paycheck for. Support yourself, help support your kids mother' and fathers. The children are our future, take care of them, don't steal from them.

Marysmum....... I understand what you are saying. My son is being cared for so it shouldn't matter she spends a little on herself cuz she works so hard for it, but I don't pay her for caring for her child. My son should not have to pay his mother for her caregiving with his support money. If you read back you will see a post where I stated that things have changed, but people like you and Priscila want to debate about it cuz you don't have anything better to do apparently. You have your opinion about single mothers who live off child support and I have mine. If you really think it's okay to take candy from a baby, that's your own ethical view, but I don't like anyone taking anything away from my baby.

brandon: just want to clarify a few things with you.
the avatar I use, is my mother, not me. as for me not having anything better to do then this bs with you, let me list the things i do everyday. lets see, first there is my ss, who has autism, 7 yrs old, that I am raising because his worthless mother walked out on him, i met him 2 yrs ago and he was like an infant, in diapers and used a sippy cup like a baby bottle and didnt talk, today he talks, he is potty trained, and he eats real food. i take him to speech therapy 2x/wk, occupational therapy 2x/wk, all his dr appts, i take care of his every need every day. then there is my mother, who had a massive stroke 3 yrs ago, she is paralyzed and cant speak, i go spend no less then two hours a day with her EVERY DAY, making sure she is treated right at the nursing him that is about 3 minutes from my house. then there is my husband that i make sure is taken care of like all good wives do. then there is the household chores, the grocery shopping, the laundry, and oh, did i mention my dad, who has one foot in the nursing home door that i also go and make sure his needs are met as well. i am also going to Vanderbilt University Childrens hospital taking classes once a week to be a certified advocate for children with disabilities, i moved a fricken mountain for my stepson, by myself, no help from anyone, to get him out of a contained classroom and into a general education classroom with the other kids, he has autism, not the plague, and i have never complained. oh wait, one more thing, i also hold a job!!!! my husband works and sleeps and plays with ss, i dont care as long as he doesnt undo all my hard work. husbands ex is registered pediatriac nurse that brings home around $60,000 a yr, she has over 20 yrs experience, could be more, she pays a whopping $75 a week. sees him every now and then when she needs her ego stroked. please do not judge me or assume you know anything about my life until you ask and are told. oh, and since i know your going to ask, i get about 4 hrs sleep a night, if i am lucky. what did you say you do with your time?

excuse me?? U had a discussion posted not a debate, i was here to help u understand better but because we don't agree no need for insults, if u cannot handle what people have to say on this discussion why even post one?Do u think everyone will agree with u?See it's really obvious to me ur just being spoiled about the situation and u want it ur way or the highway i already know the courts will probably do nothing about it but i wanted to help u understand why, now seeing u don't have it going ur way ont he board so now i must have no life. Well this clears it up for me!

Priscila... I'm sorry for the misfortune of your loved ones. My parents are ill also. And what I do with my time is spend time with my son and fight for more time with my son and work to provide for my son, any other questions?

Marysmum... You did not help me understand anything except that you are argumentative. I did receive some useful advice and support after sifting through the "bs" (as priscila called it) with you and priscila. I'm not bitter or spoiled about my situation. Thanks but no thanks for your useless posts.

I have heard all I need to hear from the two of you. I don't need help understanding why you don't understand my situation as you've made your points and I understand that it is up to the courts and not me. As far as stating your opinions about my situation, you've posted them, I've read them, and your opinions couldn't mean any less to me. I pay every thing the court as ordered me to and I've made sacrifices. I came here for support, not to be accused of being upset about paying child support, that was not my topic of discussion. Some people just like to attack when they are offended. My apologies if I offended any single mothers. It was just my opinion as related to my situation.

Every situation is different, regardless how similar they seem on the outside.

I have heard your concerns from more than one man. There was a time when I did live off of my child support..that was when he was actually paying...but it wasn't by choice..I had a broken foot and the dr. would not release me off of medical to go back to work...

Fast forward to now...he rarely sees them, he is paying *some* but is so far in arrearages that he will always owe the system and he owes his children far more than what you could put a dollar amount to. No amount of money can ever "heal" disappointments.

I will however respectfully disagree with your comment that children are not a job...they for sure are...it's deff work getting the 3 of them up by 6am M-F..it's work to get their school projects done...it's work to make sure they have clean clothes and food on the table...all the while holding down a full time job...which, I might add is a feat in itself because I have no one else to call when day care or school calls and I AGAIN have to leave work early to pick them up. I don't have sick days or vacation pay..so when I miss work..I miss the money to pay the necessities...we do not live extravagantly by any stretch.

However, I will agree that in the end...when I am old and grey and can no longer care for myself...I know in my heart that because I was the one to put their needs above all else in my life..they will in turn be there for me when I need them the most....It is a job...the payment is in knowing I will always be loved.........

kidsintow ur right about that it is for sure a job for me the hardest i have ever had. I could run a resturant, or own a clothing store and to me i would do less work than being a mother lol. My kids are my joy and i love spending every waking moment with them but truthfully they are alot of work regardless of how much i love them they wear me down everyday i feel like a old lady!