being a mother or a dad is a real job, if it was in 1950 or 2008, the kids are the same, they still have the same needs, the only thing that has changed is inflation and the skyrocketing divorce rate due to various reasons. men are no worse then women in my book. some men stand up to the plate and do the best they can, some dont. some women step up to the plate and do the best that they can, some dont. in the end its the kids that suffer, one full time parent one part time parent (if their lucky) the full time parent feels the brunt of it all. taking care of your kids every need is no picnic, believe me on that. taking care of a special needs child is a job very few will every understand just how trying it is.
and yes, i am going to tell you, it is wrong to expect every cent of child support to go on the child exclusively, on clothing, toys, trips to mcdonalds, theme parks, junk, whatever, because that child also needs electricty, a roof, a way to dr appts. food, shoes, and when school jumps in the picture it gets to be a whole lot more. i just do not understand why any parent, man or woman, would be resentful of the custodial parent that for whatever reason (as long as its legal) is able to spend time with the child to love and care for them and help them grow to be productive citizens of the community. it baffles me why the non-custodial parent complains so much about every move the ex makes, especially the ones that did not even consider taking custody of the child themselves. and if they did and the judge didnt allow it, you can rest assured the judge was follow the law and saw a reason to not allow it. my ss eggdonor biomom could go to a judge right now and ask for cusotdy and i promise you he would not only deny it, he would scold her like a dog for what she did to her son when she walked out on him and probably raise her childsupport to what it should be. it just baffles me. when i divorced my first husband, my kids dad, i made it very clear to him, he will pay, he can see the kids, but he will not interfer with how i raise them, why? because he does not get to control MY life. he did not pay, i gave him 2 yrs to act right and be a dad to the girls, he thought i was bluffing i guess, i left the state and nev er looked back. best thing i could have done for my girls, as for your situation brandon, i hate it for you, i really do, but you have to just let it go. do you not get visitation? how often do you see your son? use your rights, go get him when its time for your visitation. do you have any idea how much it infuriates me to know i am taking care of another womans special needs child while she frolics around with no resposibilities to him and pays a quarter of the amount of support she should be paying? with the medical needs and medicines he has her childsupport should be more like 200-250 a week, and as a child with a disability, its lifetime childsupport, when he turns 18 the support continues as long as she draws a breath, on her income she could easily do it too, but she is selfish and wants her cake and eat it too. even went to the school one day, hubby put a fast stop to that, she has a right, but her rights are not anything if it interfers with his progress, and there is not a judge out there that wouldnt tell her that as well. so, instead of putting so much time into dwelling on the unimportant stuff, live your life, love your child, and if you think you are being done wrong, take it to court!

Priscila..... my son is with me every other weekend and at least one evening a week. I also take him when she is working and sacrifice any sleep I would get so she doesn't have to get a sitter. I'm not sure why you keep saying the same thing in EVERY post. I think anyone who's been watching this gets it. We're beating a dead horse here. I can not afford a lawyer to take her to court, that is why I'm in this situation in the first place, is not having a lawyer. So the discussion about my situation is over. The topic of single mothers living off of child support is what this is about, if you want you can start your own discussion about special needs kids. I sounds to me like the non custodial parents such as yourself can be bitter also. You've said that you have to do everything and complain that is mother only pays child support. You are lucky to have custody of your children if you are single in my opinion. I miss my child very much and I did ask for joint custody in court. I was denied time with my son and he has been denied time with me in turn. So, whenever you start think how hard you have it Priscila, just think YOU could be the one that only gets to see him during visitation, YOU could be the one that is hoping that his mom is doing the right thing and not taking money away from your child's well being. YOU could be the one that has to sit on the sideline and pay to do it. I am not nearly as involved in my son's life as I would like to be because my ex's lawyers are total scum and they represent my wife, not my son.

As far as the parenting not being a job... I said it's not a job that you get a paycheck for. Some people would love the gift of a child and taking care of that child and not ask for a dime from anyone because they know that raising a child is it's own reward, they wouldn't need to be paid. But, some people are not able to recieve the gift of having children.

Trying to stay on topic here, the child support is to support the child, not the custodial parent. Priscila, you can see non custodial parents are bitter and attack all you want, it won't change the fact that child support is exactly what is titled.... CHILD support. There is monthly maintenance or "alimony" awarded in addition to child support if a custodial parent is unable to work. A judge rarely awards maintenance in a divorce if both parties are able to work. My ex is able to work, she just doesn't do it. It would be great if we could all afford to have a parent stay at home with the child, unfortunately that's not the case in my situation. My ex is able to work and needs to help provide for our child. I can not support both of them on my income. She's working now and things are going well. If a single mom is able to work and she's not getting maintenance in addition to child support, in my opinion she should be doing her part as a parent to provide for the child. If you don't understand why non custodial parents are concerned about the well being of their children, just imagine if the court had awarded your girls to their dad or put them in the state's custody. As parent's we worry about our children whether we are custodians or not. Non custodial parents love their children also and want what's best for them. I don't believe that the custodial parent living of off child support is what's best for the child. I don't think keeping the child from visiting with the non custodial parent is good for him either. Believe me, I will be back in court one day.

Priscila I do have to commend you for what you are doing. The thing is brandon has a different situation than you, me and marysmum. What brandon is saying is that it is not fair she gets to decide to stay at home with kids and not put in to the cs. Who ever has custody should not be able to stay at home because they want to other than for medical problems. Us as the ones who are paying cs cant decide to stay home with kids when they come over. We go to jail. It takes 2. My girls are 13 & 16 they can watch themselves. My x and me worked all through the marriage and kids get straight a's and are good kids. If daycare is needed the court puts more money in for that. There are 2 men on here that do things for there childern. If you look at my pics you will see daughters with horses. Oldest wants to do that for a living. So it is to help in her future. It cost me over 150. a week to take them to do this and I dont ask x to help at all. Remember I only make 3oo. a week bring home. I dont know how much people know about cs buy one thing is clear. If you are a dad you have your rights taken away. For the record I can and would love to have my girls 50/50 but dont have the money to fight. I am involved in their lives I only live a mile away for this reason. She dont want me involved. I also can be a mr mom just as good as she can be mom.

I also asked the x to let me keep the girls and she pay me cs. Guess what she said " NO WAY " would you have guessed.

see that is where i am so confused, in most states the laws have changed to automatic 50/50 as one parent being custodial, but the time spent is split 50 50 and the cs is set to accomodate that. that is why ss mom is only pay9ing $75 a week, she is suppose to do the 50/50 thing but refuses, look up your state laws, lots of lawyers will help. join a fathers right group, i promise they have free advocates that will help you get your 50/50 and childsupport lawered to force mom to do her part. i am not saying its ok, i am saying if they can get by with it then what can ya do? when ss goes to see mom i get a much needed break, but it is not worth it in the end because he comes home so messed up because she has no clue about meeting his needs. i dont know, i hate that anyone that wants to be a part of the childrens live are denied, but as for your kids being 13 and 16, they get to decide and mom cant stop it, if the judge sees you can provide, they tell judge they want to be with you, mom will be wallking a few miles in your shoes. have you talked to the girls? ask them, if you are providing all the estra as well seems to me they would want to be with you. i dont know, i do understand. i think brandon is young and so is his ex and they are bitter, that is expected, wish they could work it out for the sons sake, but if they cant they he should go fo 50/50 and cs set to the ammount that accomodates that. so should you, i strongly urge you to ask your kids if they want to live with you. if your place is too small, well, once the tables are turned and mom is paying you child support you will be able to get a bigger place. i have never heard of a judge taking kids away from oms for living in small place so they wont do it to dads. contact the fathers righjts orgs asap. i do think dads should have equal access to the kids, but some give up too fast or they are manipulated by the ex and dont realize it til its too late. hell, even my nusbands ex tried it, till he told her he was getting married, she was always asking him for money and bs like that, the whole time she was suppose to be paying him cs, i told him, how can you to that, you are taking the food right out of your sons mouth when she is suppose to be paying you, not you paying her. he saw the light. the money she makes and asking him for money as well. woman can be very naipulative, and they use the kids, i see it every day. but i must say this, they only do what you allow them to do by not fighting back, get an advocate, advocates make things happen!

Brandon,
I can totally understand where you are coming from and I am the custodial parent who gets child support and does not have a job. What I do have is three other children with my husband and we made the decision I would stay home until they were all in school so I wouldn't have to stick them in childcare. I get about $147 every two weeks and my husband provides his insurance.
My oldest son's bio father is not in his life and just recently started paying child support. I will not get the 10yrs of back support as he wasn't on the birth certificate.
I understand your frustration and I believe their are organizations that help pay for lawyer fees for fathers who would like to gain custody of their children.

See I would not go for cs because she would need money to take care of kids just like I do.

Ok few things i want to say:

"What brandon is saying is that it is not fair she gets to decide to stay at home with kids and not put in to the cs."

answer: whetehr she is at home or living in a shelter she is putting in her amount of cs because cs alone cannot cover her and the child, itisn't even half of her bills im sure. When they take money from u they don't base child support on half and half they base it on how much u can afford to give after paying ur own bills. If ur making $500 a week that woman only probably recieves $100 from that five so u bring home $2000 a month the child gets$400 of that and she may make $1500 month and spend her entire check on the child paying for living period. So she spends all her left over money and u guys get away with $400 dollars every month no expections. She will have to come out her pocket extra whenever needed hving to go over the amount u pay every month because everyone knoes $400 a month is nothing when u have children. I woman shouldnt feel like she is lucky to get child support it's ur job to provide. By far usually the single parents spends twice as much for that child a month than the parent who is not in the home.

2
Priscila..... my son is with me every other weekend and at least one evening a week. I also take him when she is working and sacrifice any sleep I would get so she doesn't have to get a sitter.

If u sacrifice is working and working means job, so next time u say it isn't a job to raise children then i guess ur sacrifice was called play time.


No single mother can live off child support "get real" her living with her father waiting on ur money is not living off child support it's her waiting on ur check to handle whatever she needs done after her father takes care of the majority of things like the real expenses.

This is not burger king and u cannot have it ur way!

Marysmum I am glad you are on here ok lets do the math. REAL MATH. 16,013., TO DATE GROSS, 2,885. TAXES, 728. INS, 4550. CS For me to support the kids with me 7850. Get the facts about child support. For every 100. she gets 25% to 40% plus taxes. Not much left. Like I said she makes that I know of 2 years ago 35,000. + 7167. = 42,176. If I go for 50/50 than I dont have to pay cs and if she makes more than me she pays ME. Go to Barns and Noble to get a book on NY cs. You will be very suprised.

The law also states the more people get to see their kids the less cs they pay. Its the law. This does not go for parents with custody.

marysmum...... let me put this as simply as I can so that you might understand. If child support alone can not cover her and my son, then how is she covering HER expenses. My question is "Is she using money meant for my child to support herself?" If the answer is no, I don't have a problem. If the answer to my question is yes, then there is a problem because she is taking away from my son. As far as her contribution to cs, yes she's responsible for some of those expenses also, I've looked at the worksheet for cs used in my court case in the state of Missouri. It is our income and expenses compared side by side. there is a set amount based on our income and it is based on percentage of combined earned income. Example: father makes 2000 a month, mother makes 1000 a month at minimum wage as long as she is able to work. Now, total combined is 3000 father makes 67%, mother makes 33%. Set amount for my state based on this income was a set amount combined and divided by the percentage, in the example the father would pay 67% of the set amount, let's say 800 a month which would be $536 a month. Now, mary you can say that it is not enough to raise a child all you want, most of us are not wealthy and can only provide a certain low income lifestyle. NOW, if you want to continue on like this I can keep trying to explain to you that most people can not spend 20K a year on their kids. Many people in my area don't even make 20K a year total! I'm not sure where you are from or how wealthy you are but your situation is obviously different than mine. I've already told you that your posts have proved useless to me because you do not understand my situation. I did not come from a wealthy family, I work very hard for what little I do get paid and I do the best I can for my son. All I'm asking is that my ex do the same. If she was living in a shelter I would request an emergency trial and get custody. Your posts have not helped anyone looking to better their situation. Your math is based on your lifestyle I'm guessing and you don't seem to understand my situation. You've said your piece now move on!

Brandon dont let her get to you. She has no concept of it. So just wait it out because she is pregnant. She will be dealing with this soon. Lawyers fees, custody hearings, child support ( she might pay him ). Him raising your child not the way you want. Then the new girlfriend taking care her child. Lets see 20,000 per child= 40,000. @ 25% = 10,000 a year 40,000 @ 40% = 16,000 so she might pay hin between 10 to 16,000 a year. Thats off the top than take out taxes. You can not write off cs on your taxes.

I just want to say that I have taken the time to read this entire thread.

Child support can create animosity between parents of kids who still harbor animosity towards each other. I get $160/month for child support and my ex loves to tell me how I should spend it.

I also was amazed to hear that Kevin F. is getting $20,000/month for his two kids from Britney Spears. Quite a contrast. ;-)

With child support payments, the paying parent cannot stress too much about whether the other parent is making a profit or stealing from their child. If your child is being taken good care of consider it money well spent.

I can understand being resentful of a parent who lives rent-free and is not employed, but again if your child comes first, is being well taken care of and this is the monetary amount awarded by the court, there is nothing you can do. You have the right to be upset about it, but I personally would focus on strengthening my relationship wih my kid over resenting my ex.

Priscila, in NJ it will take over 8000. for a 50/50 decision. NJ does not offer it first. Also my youngest had a bad dream about her mom dieing. She would not even sleep over friends house. So as a loving father I did not make her do so. The x would. So I did not put in for overnights. In April this year she went on 6 th grade camping trip. They let me go so I was with her. Every thing is ok now, so now I need to change things. See, me and all the people who pay cs. If I get another job it shows more income. If I just use it to pay some bills when it comes up for review it will show up and they will raise cs even if I dont have that job any more. That is everywhere.

Priscila it was very rude of you to ask if I'm a moron. I am on here for support, not be called names. If that's what you want to do, I'm sure the website operators can point you towards a site where that stuff is allowed. I don't resent anyone and my child always comes first. And yes Priscila she needs to carry her own in any household that she shares with my son, that is what I believe. If you don't agree that doesn't mean you get to call me a moron. If anyone else wants to start calling names I will report them along with Priscila. If you notice at the bottom of the text box when you add replay it says "In adding this Comment, I ______, do promise to be nice." If we disagree, that's fine but act like a an adult. I was accused of being young and immature then Priscila starts calling people names, we all see who the immature one is now Priscila.