Is your child doing with out? I am just asking to make sure I understand your anger. If your child is not getting what he needs then you do have a valid point and you need to bring it up with her. I personally do not like seeing mothers live off of child support. It gives a bad name for single mom's. But also understand that the money you pay for child support is not just for clothes and food. It is also to help keep the roof over his head and all that goes with that. Again I do not think it is right for someone to live solely off of child support. It actually angers me. You have a right to feel the way you do.
Now if she had a job and was bringing in a paycheck it would be different. I stopped getting child support from my X because he felt like he was paying for my personal things. HA! I work hard for my paycheck and it goes to pay bills and provide for my kids. And if he was supporting me then I would have lost everything and I haven't. But he still thinks that when he sends money for child support it is suppose to be only for his son to buy what he wants. When in reality it is to help raise his son. And what he is suppose to pay in child support barely covers child care. But he thinks he is making my car payment and buying me clothes. This is something that can make a good debate. I have had this discussion with other NC Parents before. Sometimes you just have to let things go no matter how upset they make you. I have had to do that with my X. It sucks when you don't think things are going the way they should. Good luck with it all!

I agree with mslissi. If your little one is going without, then it's a really big problem. As long as his needs are met...food, clothing, shelter, education and whatever may apply to his specific situation, then your support is doing its job. I can't imagine for one child you would pay enough for her to live off of, do you? Maybe you need an adjustment if she's no longer contributing or earning money. The needs would be less for the child if your combined income is less, and therefore the amount split between the parents is less as well. My ex actually refused to pay the full amount of child support (until the Judge got involved)...why? Because he said, and I quote, "I know you'll never let him go without. You'll always sacrifice your needs before his so I'm not worried about it." Also if you're playing catch up on support like my ex, that extra money goes to pay the things that were sacrificed when the support wasn't being paid. I had to sacrifice my credit in order to stay afloat until the Court got involved. All that "extra" he was ordered to pay simply went to play catch up with my bills. Good luck and hope it works out for you!

Child support is meant to meet all basic needs of the child yes....which includes food...clothing...shelter...as long as your child has all he/she needs covered then that's the most important. Depending on the age of the child yes she should be out contributing as well...some issues get in the way with everyone's situation...child care expenses can be very costly...sometimes it's not worth mom going out to work...if she had free daycare then of course it would be worth it. It's nice to see a dad paying support....when my girls were little I got nothing....it was very lax the system when my girls were little...he still owes me over $32,000...and I will never see it....I had to work 3 jobs to support my girls while my sister babysat them...free of charge thank goodness because I don't know what I would have done.

I have to say that child support is not for living on. I can't imagine that you pay enough child support for HER to live off of as well. I agree with mslissi, maybe have your child support put up for amending. Women that live off of child support gives most women that receive child support a bad name.
I mean, I could see you paying 50% of what it would cost to take care of your son but if she can actually buy her clothes, food, etc with it, then I think you're paying way too much. I mean, not to come off rude, but welfare will help her get a job and also help pay for child care if that's her issue.

I really look up to ANY father that wants to take care of their kids and it sounds like you do. I wish that my sons were as lucky as yours. Thanks for being a supportive father.

unless you are paying somewhere in the neighborhood of $300 a week in child support i do not see how she is living off the child support and if that is the amount, it wouldnt be very good living for sure. with that said, i agree with the others, the child support is to give the child the basic needs, not just clothes and food and toys, shelter, water, electricity, the list is long. if the child is going without, take her to caourt and take custody

How much are you paying compared to what the court considers a normal amount? My guess is its no more than that.

Do you really know all of her sources of income? Parents for instance. Does she get supplemental income such as food stamps? Are you happy with that? Do you want your kid to be hungry instead?

Is it really in your best interest that your kids mother go back to work? Is is the kid better off with a full time parent?

In case you don't know the studies done on that subject the answer is "full time parent".

Would the rent go down if she wasn't living there? Utilities, transportation, etc? Food- OK there's one.

Frankly you should be proud you are able to pay all for your kids needs plus a full time caretaker.

I've thrown a lot at you here, maybe unfairly at times, but its a rare mother getting rich off of child support. More likely she is losing out on job or career opportunities taking care of a kid. Yours.

I just want to clear up a few things. I did say that I understand the money provided includes general care (food, clothes, shelter, utilities, etc. , etc.) . Believe me I know the list is long. However, should she be using the money to provide herself with these things? She uses the utilities, she eats food, she wears clothes, she does recreational activities and earns no income (supplemental or otherwise). Should my son be paying her way with the money that I provide for him? I haven't looked at any studies on that but I would never ask a 6 year old to pay for anything of mine whether it's basic life needs or not, it's HIS money.

That being said, I do agree that I am paying also for a full time caregiver since she does take him to and from school and prepare his meals. I say full time but I have him every other weekend and a couple afternoons a week, and I provide his care when he's with me, not her. I must admit I was some what upset by the ridiculous question about letting my child go hungry instead, that's insulting. Buddy I care about my son very much and I would never want to see him suffer in any way, shame on you for suggesting it. What I'm not happy about is the fact that my child is not receiving the full benefit of the child support. I'm not saying she's getting rich either, she could get %100 of my income and not be getting rich.

I think that she should be earning some kind of income to provide for her share of utilities, food, rent (when she finally gets a place), and clothes. I'm sure she's struggling without an income and you kind of prove my point there Priscila, it's not a good living, for him or her. I pay enough to provide a good living for him but due to her supplement her income with his child support. Thanks everyone for the advice to have the amount or custody modified, it's strong advice that i will consider.

If she's capable and has been of working then I would guess they calculated income off what you make and her as minimum wage - if this is the case then modification of CS won't happen.

Just thought you should know, but if they didn't it is an arguement you could use and win with

okey dokey, lets go ahead and set it all out there.
she is the primary care taker, meaning, as long as the child is not going without basic needs, or being abused and neglected, why are you complaining? you do not get to dictate what child support is spent on. unless the child is being deprived of shelter, food, clothes, water, electricity, ect. whats the problem? so what she isnt working. how old is the child? i will tell you what i told my husband. do you have any idea what fulltime nannies cost? here is the deal, if she decides she is going to barely make it by living on the child support, nothing you can do as long as the child does not go without basic needs. this smells like someone complaining about paying childsupport, nothing more. seriously, i am willing to bet you are not paying enought to her every month to cover the rent, utilities, car payment, gas, food, clothing, medical, ect. for an adult and a child. if you are, you might want to check into geting that changed asap!

I'm not complaining about paying child support. She is living with her dad not paying rent or utilities. She told me she could not afford to take him to a school function and she asked me to pay her extra for new shoes. Have you ever paid child support Priscila?

no, i have never paid childsupport, but i have been involved with a man for over 5 yrs that paid childsupport. anytime he complained about it i reminded him that it is his child and his responsibility to help support the child and also, what he paid, barely covered the most basic needs.
here is a little advice for you, and i am saying this because i have a real problem with people that get child support and then have the nerve to ask for more on the side, if there is a need for more then they should take it to court and show the judge what that need is and let him decide if the payor should have to pay more. when she asks you for money for shoes, school functions, ect. ask here why she didnt buy the child shoes with the child support you sent her. do not give her extra money, trust me on this one, she will continue to bleed you as long as you let her. when you stop giving her extra money, she will start spending that money right AND get off her ass and get a job. if the child is old enough to go to school she really has no excuse for not working.
ex's only do what you allow them to do when it comes to getting more money on the side or interferring with your personal life. as long as you are paying child support, if your child is going without because you do not give her extra money on the side, then you can take her to court and have her explain exactly why the child is going without. the judge will take into account that she lives rent free with her dad, which will really make her look bad for asking you for extra money to get the child the basic needs. i am going to assume you pay between $75-$125 a week, if she cant feed, cloth, buy the child shoes, and get him to school functions on that amount since she doesnt pay rent or utilities, the judge will expect her to explain why not since the money is for the child, not her. another thing, she should not be wasting money on gas to drive him to and from school, gas is like gold now, too high priced for someone who doesnt work, the child can ride the bus, right? i had putting my ss on the bus, he rides for an hr each way, but that is what our taxes pay for, and he has autism, which makes riding the bus a bit overwhelming for him, but, he needs to ride the bus instead of us paying taxes for the service AND paying high prices for gas to get him to and from school.
this really seems like your ex is using you and out of love for your child you are letting her, put a stop to that asap. stop giving her extra money, if she complains dont argue with her, tell her to get a JOB, she is responsible for %50 of supporting the child.

My soon to be husband and I Both pay and supposed to recieve support. We don't recieve any. It gets real hard but you have to believe that she really is probably trying her best to do whats right. I don't know your complete situation but sometimes you just have to let it go and let her do what she thinks is right. If you agreed with her all the time and thought she made perfect choices, you probably would still be together. When you have kids you have to ignore all that stuff you hate about the other person. The one my fella pays support pisses me off all the time but if you fight about everything they do you won't get anywhere either. Try to be happy that your kid still has two parents that seem to realy love him and that is wonderful and try to remember that when you get mad at her. I am not preaching I understand your anger but sometimes you have to let it go. As for extra stuff, that is up to you to get it, but you know as well as I sometimes kids are more expensive than other times and that can make you get in tight spots financially so I have known my fella to buy something extra on a few occasions and even help fix the exes car a couple of times to make sure she could get his girl around.

I can definitely relate. I'm so Furious, child support is killing me! I am the mom paying my ex though. We both make around the same amount of money, but I was ordered to pay $165.00 a week for support and then another $50 a week for health insurance. Since I have been ordered to pay that my life has drastically changed. I love my son with all my heart and would never complain about paying child support for his well being. Unfortunately though, when we hand over that money we don't have any say how it is allocated. The court doesn't really care. They just want to make sure the money gets to the custodial parent. Since I've been paying, my son always has the same pants on when he comes over (he's 11) never has clean clothing, but he has a new remote control car every other week, dirt bike, pocket rocket, etc. It is quite obvious to me that he does this because he is hoping that my son will not want to go back to living with me if I don't have anything to offer him. Your situation is a little different. If your child is in school, then I don't see why his mom doesn't get a job. I raised three kids. I was on welfare but took advantage of their schooling program and received an associate's degree. I don't blame you for being upset. She should NOT be living off the support. She is not contributing to his support if she is not working. I wonder how the courts deal with that issue because support is based on both incomes and there is guideline sheet to be following. Sorry I babbled. It is frustrating to be in your shoes. And when you are not the custodial parent, I see a definite discrimination by everyone and the court. Don't let it get you down though. It's great that you are venting. Take care!! P.S. You should definitely file a motion to amend if you think you might be paying too much.

Well lets see - you came here to vent or ask advice but as usual when people do that on this board they get opinions instead. Unfortuantly many folks share their opinions and turn posts into a debate rather then trying to be helpful.

Anyway - if you feel your ex is not providing for your son then you will need to address it. Do you have documented info or situations where your son is going without? I'm sure if you saw this you wanted to step in and help but at the same time its mind boggling why he would be going without if you pay a decent amt of child support & she lives with a parent or something. And if things were that bad, she really needs to get a job. My question would be why doesn't she have a job?

Was the child support & custody arragement worked out in court and is there a court order?

I find it riduclous that some courts allow one parent to be voluntarily unemployed while the other provides 100% of the money for raising the child. I also don't think that being custodial parent should be viewed as a "job". Having a child is a gift and I certainly hope that most parents don't think of child support as pymt for raising the child.

I know people that use the child support in the wrong ways and have admitted it. Even people on here that I've talked to. I don't see why people get so defenisve about it unless they are doing something wrong with it.

Look at it this way. I believe that if the child's mother is spending a lot of quality time with him, that is much more important than any amount of money she can earn. Yes, you can put a 6 year old in school, which is only about 6 hours, and then in afterschool care for a few more hours, and see him in the morning while you rush him off and in the evening for a couple of hours before he goes to sleep. But it is much better for the child if one parent can stay with him.
For some reason, people really don't value this, and think that any parent who can work, ought to get out there and make some money, no matter what the cost to the child's emotional wellbeing.
I know that lots of people do not have this choice at all. But if the possibility is there, why not let the child benefit? Would it be better to have more cash and more pairs of shoes?
I agree that she should probably not ask you for extra money, even if she needs it, as it just seems to upset you. And it would possibly be nicer if you were the one who got to be with him full time, and not the one making that possible for her, by working.
I think that children who have already been through a difficult event such as divorce, need more attention - not less. Not more money. More time from the adults who support them.
I agree with the point that not working, is also a cost for the person who is not working - I'm paying that cost now in the lack of retirement savings, ability to rejoin the workforce later, and earning capacity if and when I do. But I know I am helping my children.