Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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cindy666 05/11/2013

I have been keeping to my journal to write about my convoluted sex life, but had an experience yesterday that I found very weird. I met a male friend for lunch. We have known each other for 30 years. Back when we first met, he did want to date me, but I was not attracted to him. We became good friends, tho, and went out to concerts etc a lot up until the time we both got married.

Well, at the end of lunch, we got talking about our marriages and I said I really wasn't sure I wanted to be married, but felt kind of stuck after 26 years. He agreed and then said maybe it was time for a FWB. Then he confessed that he still wants me after all these years and wants desperately to make love to me, etc. I was gobsmacked. A few years ago, he was damning off people who screw around. I also thought his marriage was very good. Better than mine.

I am in a quandary. He is the second male friend of longstanding to come on to me in as many months. This is why I wonder...am I giving off some kind of signal...? It seems so crazy. With this latest one...while I am more attracted to him now than I was when he was young, I really don't want to have an affair with him. I also don't want to hurt him. I know I hurt him back in the day. How can I say 'no' diplomatically and retain the friendship?

deleted_user 05/22/2013

Sure, but there's a difference between hiding from parents to avoid consequences, and hiding from parents out of a fear of loss of love.

My kids will hide things in the short term but come clean in little time, as they trust that I will love them all the same, and because they feel separated and lonely, missing intimacy, when they are not open with me.

Have you ever had a person in your life who you believed would love you, no matter what?

cindy666 05/22/2013

M y father. His brother (my favourite uncle, who was only 9 years older than me and who died tragically when he slipped on the bathroom floor and hit his head at age 27). My paternal grandmother. My father and grandmother may well have been judgmental, but I never feared loss of love. My uncle was not the least bit judgmental. He had a horrific life as an effeminate gay man in a time and place where bullying was rampant and condoned. I wish he had lived to see things change somewhat for the better. i would have loved to have gone to Pride with him.

Now I have gotten off on quite a tangent...

deleted_user 05/22/2013

No, it's not a tangent, just you tuning in and sharing some :) It's nice to hear some of your story, beyond just these issues. Where we've come from is at least as important as where we are.

Is your father still around?

cindy666 05/23/2013

No, unfortunately he isn't.

deleted_user 05/23/2013

I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds like these were the people who held you up and loaned you steel.try.

When did you start acting out sexually, and how does that timing relate to your fathers passing? Or hour uncle,or grandmother...how do those events correlate?

cindy666 05/23/2013

No, those events do not really correlate per say...I became promiscuous (and a partier) in my early 20s, following what were a string of tragedies. In this day and age, I likely would have sought counseling. It didn't enter my head to do so back then.

I don't want to enumerate them all on this public forum.

deleted_user 05/23/2013

Fair enough. But it sounds like you started using to medicate against the pain of those tragedies. Maybe that pain is what you're afraid will bubble up if you get 'sober' now?

cindy666 05/23/2013

I know I didn't deal with it then, but it is so long ago now. Water under the bridge.

deleted_user 05/23/2013

I think it might be worth challenging the idea that it's water under the bridge. Sometimes the water freezes, jams up under the bridge, cause flooding and an icy bridge deck that is dangerous or impassable, and leaving a person stranded in a dysfunctional place.

Time does not heal all wounds.

pinkpony66 05/23/2013

Agree with fiber old wounds can quietly fester and sometimes uncovering them and working through the pain of them can create an awakening. Have you ever sought out yoga and mindful meditation? Along with traditional therapy, these things might help you center yourself and find some deeply burried unresolved emotions.

cindy666 05/23/2013

I know I need therapy, but I am afraid of it, too. I did yoga many years ago and I liked it very much. I am older and somewhat decrepit now.

deleted_user 05/23/2013

Cindy- Try to find an Iyengar (yoga) class. Any good Iyengar instructor is well trained in working with limitations, whether they be age, or another physical condition. Iyengar is a truly amazing practice, and heals just about anything. I haven't had a regular practice in a while and I miss it, but for me it cured sciatica.

cindy666 05/24/2013

I will check that out, iris. I have never heard of that type of yoga.

cindy666 05/24/2013

I will check that out, iris. I have never heard of that type of yoga. And I forgot to say about meditation that I can never calm my mind down enough to do it successfully.

cindy666 05/24/2013

Sorry for the double post...I didn't think it went thru the first time

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