That is unfortunate. Folks should be able to fight their own battles without reporting others, unless it really crosses a line.

I understand that you are afraid. I have been where you are and I was afraid, too. I was afraid of how my behavior might define me (it did not and does not), of what might bubble up if I didn't have the medicating effect of sex. What I want you to hear is that, if you stop even for one day at a time, you will be okay and by facing that you will find that you are stronger than you think, and you can reclaim some control over this compulsion which has been controlling you.

It's not about morality, judgment or external control, but about regaining some sense of personal power.

It is not even the sex I want to give up so much as the man. The new guy is not the world's best lover, tho he is certainly well-endowed. However, the way he treats me AFTER sex is what I crave and is what helps me forget about narc. I wonder if it is love I am addicted to, rather than sex, and if sex is just a means to get the illusion of love...?

I was reported and booted recently for far less than this personal attack. I have not called heard names, not put her down. Neither have I ridiculed her. And even I fight my own battles here I get accused of being the abuser. Better to hand it to an objective party within DS admin and let them decide.

I meant to say...'It is not even the sex I am AFRAID to give up'...not sure where 'want' came from, lol.

This type of behavior happens acceptingly with single people every day. My concern here is that you are married. Atleast from my recollection you are. If that is the case then everything about your sexual promiscuity is wrong. Call it addiction or unhealthy or whatever label needed but it is clear to me that you have serious emotional issues attached to men, sex, attachment.

I don't think fiber is being mean or unfair at all. I think she is being frank and blunt about the picture you've painted of your life, emotions and behaviors. I do hope that you decide to let your husband free if your intention is to continue to do what you are doing. It is heart breaking as a bs to read how many men you ate allowing into your life leaving very little space for your H and marriage, even yourself.

Many drugs can be used in a somewhat safe manor such as marijuana. But for my son it's poison it's his gateway to Xanax, ecstasy, pain killers, aderol, etc... Does that mean everybody shouldn't be allowed to smoke pot? No, it means my son can't. So from what I'm learning through ds is sex addiction is like that. There are gateway actions that feed the disease.

I have food addictions. Many Of them. Food is necessary so I couldn't stop food but I could stop caffeine, stop sugar, stop white flower etc.. I did that. I clear the addictions and went through physical withdrawals and learned new behaviors. I went to weight watchers meetings and took their advice. As time went on I could eat each of my addictive foods in moderation and on occassion.

So if the main suggested way to handle sex addiction is complete abstinence, then why not try it? Try it for real, along with a therapist and support, then after the 60-90 days reccomended decided if it worked rather than assume it won't. The reintroduction of sex can come from your H.

But I do beg you to seriously consider how unfair this all is to your H.

That may be so, Cindy, but it gets to be a bit like splitting hairs. What difference does it make, if it's love or sex addiction, if the resulting behavior is harmful to you? The drugs are interchangeable..the impact is the same and, when it's an addiction, abstinence is the most effective first step. Look at jaded's story again. Her husband never fully committed to getting sober so he never got well. What if even the love of your husband is acting as a drug for you? That was the case between my H and I, it might be the same for you. Abstaining is one way to find out. If discomfort arises then you've got a pretty good clue.

Whatever the case, Cindy, using a person for how they make you feel or to help you forget...is using that person as a drug. Like taking a pill, or a drink, or a toke to escape, forget, feel better. They are all interchangeable and the psychological mechanism is the same.

It is difficult to think of a person that way. The first 'replacement' that I found for the narc did not do anything to help me forget. This one is special, I think. Or am I deluding myself?

Pinkpony, your point about my husband is well-taken, to a point. He is not a bad man, not abusive, but certainly not perfect. Sex has been all about him almost since day one. He did make an effort to ensure I was satisfied before we were married, but it has been 26 years of him using me to get himself off (basically). I want travel and we have the means the do so. He won't, except on rare occasions. When I do get him to go away, it is hit-and-miss whether we will have a good time, or whether he will grumble and complain and ruin it. He often rants about things that are out of his control, such as how other people drive. He is not easy to live with and I need an escape.

We worked opposite shifts while raising our family, so that we did not need a babysitter. In hindsight, this may have been a mistake. We ended up with little in common in the end. The only thing we do together is attend rock concerts and family functions...

I think that you have found a person who acts like a substance for you. You were experiencing withdrawal and now you don't have to. What does that for a junkie? A hit of the drug.

He is gone for two weeks, so we will see...

Cindy, no aspect of your marital issues or your H's behavior warrants a potential death sentence, which is what you're exposing him to. He may deserve to have you leave him, but he can't deserve that risk...unless he's been beating you, raping you...has he? Has he put you in harms way?

No, he has not...

Female-to-male transmission of HIV is very difficult, so I think 'potential death sentence' is a bit over-the-top. Yes, I am putting him at risk of other STDs, tho...:(.

How about gonorrhea? Does he deserve that? Or syphilis? How about herpes or venereal warts? What has he done to deserve exposure to those? Or even to be violated by contact with someone eldest semen when he's screwing you?