Nice to get a little info from you, about you, Rman - it would be nice to get to know you beyond your usual sarcastic one sentence posts. We all deal with this shit the best way we know how, I know that, so I be the last to try to ever take that away from you (not that I ever could). And I know what being tired is all about, damn, I know all about working too much and being tired, tired is my middle name.

Anne...you are bitter. That's all I'm going to say. Sorry if you don't like my posts, but it's a free website. It's only DS...not the 'real' world...

I'll own my own faults.

But there are times when "the buck stops here" for all adults, at least.

We all own our own actions and words. There's no "excuse" for abuse.

Think of it this way, punch a police officer, and he won't care if you had a bad day....

Scare your own kid because you're been drinking and have had a bad day..... is there ANY excuse for that one???

How about not paying a parking fine, because you want to go out drinking? Will the courts care?

Or not having money for pizza for your kids, because you want to go out to the bar after a tough week..... is that one ok?

I'll freely admit that I 'lost it' with my ex husband after being exhausted to the point that my face was ticking. Yes, I'm sure my judgement was messed up. Lack of sleep does that after a few years. I needed a break. Desperately. And he wasn't going to give it to me voluntarily.

And for years he called that love. And in the end, I simply couldn't take him calling it that anymore.

And there are people in this world where Nothing will ever be enough.

If there's 100 or 1000 dollars to spend, they will want to spend twice as much.

And I would just want to be able to share some (charity), save some, and spend a little. But there was never anything left after he was done. One year I spent 100 dollars on Christmas. For the kids and I, I spend maybe 20, and 80 on him.

He worked, I stayed home. The efforts I made at yard saling our Christmas were dismissed. "Patti didn't care about money."

Well the courts have held him to a money standard that I never would have. The courts would laugh at what little I spent on groceries. People get more on food stamps....a lot more.

He now makes 80-90k. If it were up to him, he'd have given me about 500 a month for the kids. We can live and stay in the house because I'm frugal. And I Still have way more spending money that when we were together. No it's not much compared to how some people live. But it's more than enough for me.

I Like that I can spend 8 dollars on a second pair of flip flops. (Actually I have 3 pairs now....yeah me!! Before, I only had a pair from the dollar store.)

(Stop her now...the money must be going to her head.)

I agree with what a lot of you have said, there are some times and some situations where you did all you could and the other person still made their choices. We can't own their stuff, totally agree!

I'm just saying, let's stop bashing and start healing here guys. What are we doing to work on us? Me - going to counseling, groups, recovery, journaling, doing reframing my thoughts exercises... you name it, if it's working on healing I am wiling to do what it takes.

I'm just saying, can we get to solution instead of focusing always on the problem that is gone and over with? I agree, we are all hurting and in pain, and damn if I don't want to bash my bf or EX for hurting me sometimes. But you know what, I hurt him too, so I have to take responsibility for my behavior and change it. I really don't want to go through another bad marriage, and I'd rather hash it out and work on myself, no matter how much that hurts, than to go through another bad marriage back on here in 4 years thinking, I should have worked on me when I had the chance instead of blaming the other person for everything that went wrong ya know?

OMG, STFU.

DS is a mere tool and it is public and free for all types of venting. NOT for someone to come here and play psychologist and try to strong arm anyone into their self awareness journey. I've been here a while and I have seen threads where people put THEIR CULPABILITY in it. I know I participated on spewing my wrongs but....it is my RIGHT to say whatever the hell I want here because that is the way I COPE! I have drawn from strengths and weaknesses from many here and from outside influences whether it's professional, written or personal. My journey, my healing, my way. I have to live with MY end results and I do not need any pseudo psychologist to come here to pontificate how our wrongs will set us free....I'm too fucking old for shit like that.

I will not insult anyone's intelligence but I will rebuff their holier than thou personification.

I support many because it is in my heart. Some times I'm a straight shooter, sometimes I am soft and sometimes, I'm dead wrong. I have learned and I am trying to ask for help. I don't need to hear someone else's almighty plan because it has been spoken.

maybe you need some clarification since you think we are venting here. SOME OF US HAVE BEEN HURT LIKE HELL AS WE EXPLAINED TO YOU. People are telling you the AWFUL things that happened in their marriages and relationships, and you come back with yeah, but keep working on yourself? Of course we are, but jesus! GET A GRIP. You do not know even HALF of our stories, from this one thread.

To continue to tell everyone--some of whom have been in abusive relationships-- to work on themselves is damaging! So yeah, STFU. I have never said that to anyone here, but you seem heartless. That's all. And ignorant.

This must be DS fight night...."LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!"

Hey... I came to Germany because my ex wanted the vacation and opportunity of a lifetime. Once I got over here I got so stressed out over the Job, and getting her and shit... that I forgot I was doing all this for her. She spent 10 months feeling lonely, and turned to an old coworker for comfort. Yes, her problem... But, my fault as well. If I would have calmed down and remembered what was important to me... Things would have been different.

But, I cant' change the past.

LOL! I have come on this site for a year now on and off and it's a lot of the same people saying the same BS. Not necessarily all of you but I see no growth from many folks on here. It's just a place where they can be angry and blame. Everyone has been hurt on this site... but there is a time to start looking forward and stop looking back.

Growth is part of healing... and just as all of you have the right to say what you want to, so do I. But at least I'm not being abusive in what I am saying. I am simply saying, growth starts with you. And don't fool yourself into thinking I have not been hurt, I have been deeply hurt, but I don't take it out on everyone else on this site.

I am not being holier than thou, I am being honest.

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Bmami - write this 1,000 times on the chalkboard....

I BoricuaMami, will not post on any threads that involve Rman, Hiker, Z, or Shoot.

Boricua... I don't say this often... but go F yourself. I see a lot of growth in a lot of people here. And, I have seen myself grow as well.

Boricua...I think what people take offense to, is that you are telling many who are hurting that they need to take the responsibility for what went wrong. Sure, nobody is perfect and everyone could have made their marriage better, but many were hurt for no reason at all. I have never really bashed my wife on here. Sure I have occasionally called her crazy and things like that, but the truth is that most are here because they were hurt badly by the people they love and trusted most. That doesn't mean they should try and find out what THEY did to make the other person leave.