I think we all look for reasons why a relationship doesnt work and we spin it cus there has to be something we did that caused it. Well to be honest, most times it is not that we worked too much to provide and give to our family or the other person. It isn't that we didn't go shopping with them, said what they wanted to hear, or we watched our favorite football teams game and not theirs. We did what we did cus that was how we lived our lives and ya know what, they lived it with us and were really ok with it.

Everyone has their own choices and those that use lame excuses like some of those above are cowards for not owning up to the fact they made a choice to be with someone or some where else.

Some times, it isn't anything we did, it is all about them.

I married a workaholic. He does work hard to provide, but also it is an escape. Laptops can be excuses to be alone. Offices can be excuses, too. It is lonely when your spouse chooses a corporation over time with you and your family and cannot find balance to any degree. He bragged about not bringing his laptop on a marriage weekend we went on. I guess he wanted a pat on the back...he wanted to announce how important his work was. well, I already knew. Maybe he wanted to tell everyone else there.

GS--I have no idea why you think women just want money...I am the frugal one in this relationship. and I think it is reasonable to expect some time with our SO. How else can you have a relationship at all? Some of us have been deeply hurt by work choices... and some of it IS a choice.

On the happy side, yesterday I learned the following:

I am getting promoted, a raise, coming off call, and will be able to cut my 70 hour work week back down to 40.

you lazy bum.

Sick isn't it?

oh and 20.

Funny that Jakey, she was actually more excited about the 40 hour thing.

I have called a counselor to figure out what exactly is wrong with her.

back to a serious note...

I can see some things that I did that contributed to my marriage falling apart.

I didn't make her the priority that i thought i did...

while married, i held the following priorities, in sequence:

God;
My Wife;
My Daughter;
Job; and
Family/friends/everything else.

Unfortunately, I can look back and see that although i had the right idea, i was not actually following that priority scheme right. I had equated my ministry with God and it came before my wife.

I spent long hours at the office working, to come home and spend almost as many hours working on my ministry, leaving my wife and I uninvolved to a large degree. This contributed to my lack of knowledge about how she was feeling and lead to me being blind sided by the divorce demand.

Having looked back, I can now say that my priorities will be, should i get remarried, listed as follows:

Personal Relationship with God;
Personal Relationship with my Wife;
Personal Relationship with my Daughter;
Work/Ministry
Personal Relationships with Family/Friends
Everything else.

This way I don't neglect my responsibilities as a spouse and allocate the appropriate amount of time and energy to my future ministry.

My husband makes great money...but I NEVER wanted that. He started a second job and that is where he met HER...they had the means and opportunity to be together in their first jobs and second job...all they did was bitch about their spouses while I stayed home to avoid daycare for my second even tho he told me to put him in. How could I justify putting him in when I stayed at home? That is a mom's job. I would have rather lived in a shack or trailer and have no money and our family unit than this house and have nothing but an adulterous lying cheat of a husband. Now I probably will be living in a shack or trailer because even with a full time job I cannot afford anything and still have no universal family. I told him to give it up so we could do things together and it ended up he made all these excuses...now I know why. And like a fool, I believed him up to the day I was made a fool of the second time around.

psycho wives/husbands can definitely put a damper on a relationship...

((Rman))

I agree with the psycho comments. The hard part is shedding and/or breaking free from those psycho chains that are binding. Rbaby, you work hard because you want to give them all that you can give but, you are the one being left out. I'm so sorry for that. You deserve more.

The last three replies from Jaken, hikerchic and Z, pretty summed up the point I was trying to get across.

Jakey...ahem...it is Tuesday....taco day.

Damn, I wish I were a woman...just for today...

Last one, thank you!