I get what you're saying Frank and I feel that way (don't do me any favors if you don't want it).. but a lot of people don't feel that way, including my stbx...he rejected me more often than the other way around, but if he caught me when I was exhausted and i said i wasn't in the mood, he would say "that's okay, just lay there, i don't care". I thought that was pretty funny. Did I ever have sex when i didn't want to? hell yes. why? because he physically wanted sex and I was his wife and i enjoyed making him happy. Usually it ended up being more fun than i thought it would be. Sometimes not so much. I never regretted it, though, because I liked seeing him happy. We even joked around about it. It doesn't have to be so serious all the time. Sometimes it is more of a favor and if the both people are OK with that, it's fine. If one person is not, it's not...IMHO.

Personally, now I wish I made time for him. I got wrapped up in the kids, life, home, going 24/7 and was tired. He didn't reciprocate either but instead blamed me that I didn't want him for 9 years. That was bullshit...did I want him but NOT at 1:30 am when he said he'd be home at 7 pm..not at 9 pm when he said he'd be home at 6 pm. I wanted him to be intimate in his thoughts and talk about the day..that fell by the wayside too. He just chose to make fun of me, while I did everything..even when I tried to fix the marriage..he just made fun of me for even trying..thinking it was false. IT WASN'T. He chose to put his trust and confidence in someone else instead of discussing his feelings with someone. I may have agreed with him if we just sat down and talked about it. He only wanted me after being out and having a few..yet he had the nerve to say to the OW that the only time I wanted him was when I was drunk...funny..how can I be drunk when I never ever went out and stayed at home with his 2 kids and was breastfeeding...dumbass.

simply awful...

You know I wish I never came across this thread..it's really upsetting me and bringing up all that went wrong in my marriage IMO. I'm back to sobbing thinking I could have save this marriage and it's my fault again, just like he said.

OMG, llmt. We married the same "man".

22 is a good number. So just having casual sex is a mere extension is right but using it in a manipulative way happends all the time.Thats what happends

((((Woobs))))...see I can kick his ass for you just like the barfight chicks...lol. I guess you are hearing my opinion and side...he obviously would have a much different take on things.

I agree w Frank. Sign me up for sexless marriage. That 1 of many things i enjoyed when I was married to a gigilow. oh poo just sign me up to be used by another so that they can get selfess gradification. That what sex is - useing another for self gadification.
Want romance read a novel which is forplay,lol
or jump yours after being at a strip club.
Sorry but sex is useing another person which is not to be confused w romance for they are 2 difrent things.
To please another is a job - work.
Befor am done am already thinking about pizza followed by a nap and remote control and changeing the sheets befor I go to bed for the night.

llmt, who said the "others" in the barfight were chicks? I'm just sayin'.

@Admiral: sex can be self-gratifying. That's sort of the nature of sex itself. it can also be an expression of love. it can also be selfless and giving. Hopefully it isn't just using another person because you should care deeply about the person you're with. it might take effort to please another but work/job? I just don't think of sex in those terms.

((((((LLMT))))

Ooohhh Woobs..that gives me more of a reason to want to kick some butt...LOL!

I married a man who was married to his career. He rarely came home before 9pm, jumped out of bed on weekends, never wanted to just lay around and cuddle or just enjoy each other.

I wish we could have been more intimate, but that would have meant he would have to truly be involved in the relationship. And in retrospect, that could be impossible for him.

I used to feel bad, used to feel guilty. Now I try to keep it in perspective: he was not truly present in the relationship. Not even close.

I hope he's happy having sex with his career. I'm sure it's satisfying to him!

My ex idiot once marked on a calendar how many times we had sex, it was`at the same time that a stripper called our home and said he gave her our number...yeah I really wanted to have sex with THAT. He is now married to a whore that lets him have sex with whomever he wants, she also has sex with whomever she wants. He obviously gets upset when her whomever does not coincide with his whomever because my youngest son heard him on the phone with her saying"don't tell me that you're going to have some guy's dick in your mouth."

I guess maybe his idea of an open marriage was just ok if he got to watch the openness involving her and if he could be open with whomever he wanted...What a sad, pathetic and sick life.

After reading looks like to me llmit is kicking some ass. Ok so we are at the point where we want sex right?

Absolutely now that I'm not getting any or the prospect of any in the near to distant future. Don't know what you've lost til it's gone.