You havnt over stepped. Your right in many ways. I feel our marriage is salvagable but so far she seems to be conflicted with that. Nothing will be salvaged if she doesn't allow it. I'm starting to learn more here with her. I can see that she wants/needs me as a husband when convenient for her. We spent the whole day together side by side cleaning cooking laughing playing with kids. At a few moments she sat on the couch next to me with her arm in my leg. Fed me food to taste as she cooked and it was almost like old times nothing was wrong until bed time. Party was over and she asked me If I could set up the blow up mattress for her. Just the mention of it deflated me. I shut down. I set up the mattress downstairs and sat on the couch upstairs while she showered. She came out came to me to say good night. She could see I was deep in though. She asked me what was on my mind. I said nothing. She asked again if I was ok. What am I thinking. I said its nothing I'm ok. And she walked away to go to bed. I wanted to say I miss her. I love her. I wanted to grab her hand and pull her to the couch with me. I wanted to hold her and kiss her. But I couldn't do any of it. I sat there for another 30 min just crying. :(.

Well... this morning we talked again briefly... I said to her that she doesn't seem to show any emotion, that this is easy for her, she said its not and she hates hurting me... i said my same BS How i hate myself for making her feel the way she feels etc... I left a bit teared up...

I then get this email below... ;o(...

"Listen, if you think Im going through this without a feeling without being sad, angry, confused, hurt then you are crazy. But anytime I show any sign of emotion you take it the wrong way so Ive completely shut off from showing you any emotion. If you think I dont know you are crying every night you are crazy. If you think I cant hear you crying you are crazy. If you think it doesnt rip my heart out you are crazy. But it also pushes me farther and farther from you. I need a separation. I need to be alone. I need to not need you. I dont need you the way you need me, its mismatched. I HATE hurting you, but I dont want to hurt either.

Im sure you are going to write an email 2x as long as this one, rebutting everything I just said please do not send it to me. Im so sick of having everything I say rebutted and argued. Its like what I say doesnt even matter."


I guess this is the end of the road for me here... my rebutting is not me not caring what she says, its me trying to make sense of it... I have never said to her she is wrong for having her feelings, ive only tried to make her understand that it wont be the same way if she gave us the chance... she is not willing... Im done, I can't do this anymore. Funny thing is she does need me... Tomorrow night she has to work late, if I dont watch the kids what will she do? This coming weekend she has to work all weekend, if I dont watch the kids.. what will she do? I take my daughter to school tue and thurs she was supposed to do one of those days but hasn't... so If I dont do it what will she do? And thats just this coming week. Im done.. I dont deserve this... I can't even understand her... " I need to be alone"? I need to not need you? WHY? what is the purpose of this? Why did we even get married and have kids if you need to be alone?

Sorry you're going through this. This is why breaking off contact is so extremely important. Her mind is made up. You've just been torturing yourself with false hope, which is understandable. Maybe you needed that email to make you finally see she is done. You guys need to separate and work on a schedule for the kids needs. What you described in your last post as her needs are really the kids needs and you're both responsible to get those addressed.
I lived with my ex for 3 weeks after she broke up with me. Healing did not start until she moved out which I told her to do. It was way too painful and confusing otherwise.

My ex left a year ago Feb. Just left in the night, I didn't even get a chance to discuss or e=-mail back and forth. He was done and as is his way, took the easy way out and left. I made contact several times asking for a chance to save our marriage, asked him to postpone divorce and do a separation, asked for some time, gave him space but he didn't give me anything. I got the "it's not me, it's him spill, that he wasn't marriage material, but no I'm sorry's, or that he felt bad for breaking my heart. I got nothing but divorce papers. It was a horrible time of life, so I am sorry you're going through this. I think when they're done, they're done, there is nothing we can do or say and the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can start your road to healing. My biggest fear in my marriage was that he was going to leave, guess what he did and I survived. The more times you continue to put yourself out there, the more times she is going to rip out your heart, I know, I did it countless times, I was desperate to salvage our marriage but it really only hurt me in the end. They may feel bad for hurting us but it doesn't change their minds.
Again, I'm sorry for your pain and heartache. It's time to make some changes in your life but most importantly it's time to start taking care of you and thinking about your future. Hugs

im just pissed now.. finally angry.... It may not last, but im angry, and now that im angry, she can be on her own... I just have to make sure my poor kids dont suffer anymore then they already are.

Kids are resilient they'll be fine. The situation you are in, sleeping apart and crying yourself to sleep is probably more harmful to them than getting yourself healed and happier so you can be an awesome father to them. Let your kids and your new found anger get you moving forward so you can heal up. It's a long road with many ups and downs (roller coaster) but once you accept it's over and reconciliation is off the table the better off you'll be. It does get better. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. This emotional living arrangement you're in will keep you stuck. Good luck

Oh my freakin' God! I am going through the exact same thing! Wife told me she wanted to separate earlier in January and we still live together until she can afford to move out (which she says as soon as she finds a full-time job). Interestingly enough. my wife and I had almost the exact same conversation face to face this morning as your wife's email to you. This is absolutely freaky, as I feel i don't have to post anything and just read what you're going through and the replies of those who want to give advice.

She said she needs to be alone and doesn't need me to guilt her into or beg her to stay. She said that she got married because that what was expected of her, to get married and have a family, when deep down inside she never felt she was marriage material. She said she still loves me, but just no longer wants to be married. She said her mind is made up and there is no changing it. When she eventually moves out, she wants to work out a fair schedule for me to be with the kids.

I went from extreme sadness to being pretty pissed off then back to extreme sadness. If she wanted to be alone and was never marriage material in the first place, then why the F#ck did she keep talking about marriage when we were dating, asking me if I would ever propose and most importantly, why the F#ck did she say "yes" when I did propose? I saw red flags early on, but just thought she was quirky and not really pay too much attention to those signs.

Now there's me, heart broken and the kids, having to live in separate homes. So I am going through a bunch of emotions this morning from sad to mad then back to being very sad again.

This sucks and I wish we never got married if this is how this BS marriage was going to end. Sorry but I had to vent. :-(

So after that email yesterday... I decided i wasn't going to go right home afterwork... I didn't even tell her, although she texted me when she left work and i responded ok ill be home later. It was snowy and icey here, around 7 ish she called me a texted me multiple times, just wanting to make sure i was ok... I eventually responded "Im ok" and she wrote back ok good drive safe.. I got home around 8, and she acted like nothing was wrong, talked to me about her day, her job etc, I didn't even ask, i was short but made sure i seemed interested. She went to put our daughter to bed, I layed in bed and watched TV, she poked her head in and said good night, i said night. That was it....

This morning we were supposed to go to parent teacher conference for our daughter, but the school was closed. She was showered but not dressed.. I showered, got dressed and said good bye... Now for the last 2 years at this new job, i always stayed home while she went to work early everyday, i got to work late, I took care of the kids so she could go in early... Most would say that is supporting her and her job... But she doesn't seem to see that as one of her complaints is i dont support her and her job. So this morning i decided im going to work on time. I showered, got dressed said good bye to my daughter... put my jacket on and she came out and said your leaving already? I said yeah... she said we aren't even going to talk about it? I said i always get to work late so you dont.. you dont want my support, you dont need me? So do it on your own. She walked away saying so thats how its going to be... and I just left. Sad thing is i sit down at my desk, and now i feel like im having anxiety, like I just made things worse.. I know this isn't on me, I know i have to stand up for myself, but its not natural for me to not support her even though everything ive dont to support her went unnoticed.

I am so sorry to hear... My husband of 14 years and partner of 16 years - father of 3, came in 3 days before Christmas (the one jus gone) and told me that he didn't love me anymore, my work had overtaken my life somewhat but discussion between us would have nice on the subject.... I am devo, have just found a rental for the kids and I but am having trouble that he doesn't want me! I still love him dearly....