Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
im one month into a separation and so lost, one day my wife of 9 years came home and asked me to decide what we should go do, i was a lil tired and couldnt decide, and that was it, he had it, she texted my step-daughter and her boyfriend to come help get all her stuff and she moved out nd in with them. one week or so later she texts me and says she has to leave the state and back to her old home to stay with a friend, she had to go because even with a good job, i put her in a bad debt and she couldnt afford to live here anymore, she was living with me in my folks home while i took care of my dad everyday. for years off and on she would catch me talking to women online and each time i told her id never again, and things were fine for a few months maybe even almost a year untill it happened again, she also doesnt like how id text and ask where she was or whats she was doing all the time, and theres more, but im not even sure about posting all this here. i posted this because today she texted me saying i texted her too much and she needs more space. before then ive told her how much i truely changed since she left, ill admit, i never once thought she would ever leave me, and having that done to me has changed my outlook so much, my focus and my 110% self inwanting her back, loving her completely and no phoning it in everyday of her life and that im ready to be everything she needs. she tells me that maybe in a few months we can talk, our anniversry is in march and im a total reck, ive never loved another woman do much
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
It takes courage to open up, and to share your feelings, I understand that you are wanting to find resolution and are willing to go into counselling to mend your relationship with your wife.
Do you understand why she wants to no longer be in the relationship?
Is it because you have been texting and exchanging emails with other women?
Did you go on dating websites to meet these women or met them at work, bars etc... then communicating with them?
How would you feel if all you have done contacting other women and other details that you have chosen to left out of this post your wife would do to you?
As she expressed why she no longer wants to be in the relationship? Beyond debts and financial situation.
Did she asked you to stop contacting her beside saying you are texting her too much.
If I seem to paraphrase you is because I need to understand what you are saying, it's hard to read between the lines written by a stranger and specially that I speak English as a second language.
I suggest that you go to therapy for yourself, without the expectation that it is to fix the relationship with your wife.
I was married twice before I met my third husband. I went to therapy expecting that my spouse would go to therapy with me. In hope that couple counselling would fix us. I had resentment because I was the only one that wanted to get help. None of my spouse thought there was a problem in the relationship. I was cheated on by both of them but according to them I was the one responsible for it.
I was physically and mentally abused by both of my exes, they would not let go of the relationship and would stalk me. No is No, most men seems to not understand that.
I became celibate for 3 years and did 3 years of intense therapy.
It was the best decision I made.
I was able to discover my worth and be able to decide what is good for me.
I met my husband 9 years ago, and was able to built a healthy relationship because I am worthy of being happy.
Act controlling and manipulation is not loving someone.
When someone ask you to leave them alone, please do.
If my husband was texting and chatting with women and flirting and hiding things from me it would be it. It doesn't matter how well our relationship is.
That trust was broken and soon as it is broken it's very hard to make it strong again.
I recommend you the books: Beyond Codependency and getting better all the time by Melodie Beatty and Love is a choice Facing love addiction by Melodie Beatty.
It will help you.
When we truly love someone we have to think beyond ourselves.
She decided to leave, give her space. Stop contacting her until she comes to you.
I know it hurts, but you are in need of finding yourself, healing yourself and she needs same.
You looked at other women's profile and communicated with them.
Your response: It was not in person, but was it done? You communicated with a real person you didn't dream it! You acted.
There is more that you are not sharing. Because most of time it's easier to say what hurts us that to admit what we do to hurt others.
Constantly texting and communicating is go over the person's boundaries.
She said stop- you stop!
What would you think if she did that?
You need to start taking responsibilities for your actions.
Do you want best for her?
Do you want her happy?
Do you want her to trust you?
If the answer is yes...
than let her go!
I am not saying what you want to hear so you are being upset...
Be upset, be mad get all that anger out!
Assume yourself stop wanting to control her because you feel pain.
Find a therapist that can support you with what you are going through.
Actions carry consequences, even if they were "mistakes" that you know are wrong, especially when the "mistakes" are frequently repeated.
If all that time together - 10 years, 9 christmases, 9 valentines, 9 thanksgivings, 4th of julys, 36 birthdays ad nausem with her REALLY MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU, you would not have continued hurting her with your behavior.
Once one realizes their behavior (regardless of how "innocent" it is) hurts the person they love, one stops that behavior. You don't seem to understand this. You CONTINUED this behavior because your ego gratification was more important than your wife's feelings.
Again, you are so selfish that you think YOU ought to pick the consequences of the repeated bad behavior. News flash - you don't get to pick her reaction. You can't even honor her simple request to quit bugging her with your texts. You don't think anything of her, It's all about what you want.
Again, if this life with your wife was so damn important, if you loved her so much, WHY did you continue with the online relationships with other women once you knew it created problems for your marriage?
And I am still struck dumbfounded with your remark in an earlier post that if she would allow it, you would re-new your vows to her and "mean it this time". That sums up the whole situation. You come across like a kid who got caught, is finally getting punished and just now realizes that "no means no" and you broke the house rules and then cries about the injustice of it all. Like the house rules mean nothing and don't apply to you. Like apparently your vows meant nothing to you.
And yes, I know I am coming down hard on you. But it there is one thing I can not abide in any person, it is the inability to be accountable for their actions and to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions. And you have done neither.
can i ask, i have ignored someone, does that stop them from posting here? im sorry i have no clue being im new
Having most members on this post asking you to stop contacting your ex, is like everyone agrees with her but not many of us are being understanding towards you.
I am trying very hard not to associate what you are going through with what I have been through.
Everyone is their own person and has their own story.
So many people who have been dumped get violent and has a tendency to cause harm.
Constantly texting and contacting when asked not to can be perceived has stalking.
I think you are just being sad and I am sorry if I offended you.
But tough love can at times give a push in a positive direction.
Winter Darkness wrote really good advices.
Wishing you best!