Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
im one month into a separation and so lost, one day my wife of 9 years came home and asked me to decide what we should go do, i was a lil tired and couldnt decide, and that was it, he had it, she texted my step-daughter and her boyfriend to come help get all her stuff and she moved out nd in with them. one week or so later she texts me and says she has to leave the state and back to her old home to stay with a friend, she had to go because even with a good job, i put her in a bad debt and she couldnt afford to live here anymore, she was living with me in my folks home while i took care of my dad everyday. for years off and on she would catch me talking to women online and each time i told her id never again, and things were fine for a few months maybe even almost a year untill it happened again, she also doesnt like how id text and ask where she was or whats she was doing all the time, and theres more, but im not even sure about posting all this here. i posted this because today she texted me saying i texted her too much and she needs more space. before then ive told her how much i truely changed since she left, ill admit, i never once thought she would ever leave me, and having that done to me has changed my outlook so much, my focus and my 110% self inwanting her back, loving her completely and no phoning it in everyday of her life and that im ready to be everything she needs. she tells me that maybe in a few months we can talk, our anniversry is in march and im a total reck, ive never loved another woman do much
I recommend you let her go. If she comes back to you you will be good for a little while but like me you will begin to go back to your old ways.
I think you may need to look inside first.
I think if you really love your wife you will let her go and work on yourself.
Acting like it's not happening is not going to make you feel any better. The fact that she won't talk to about the holidays should be your clue that she is trying her best not to feel obligated to share any of it with you. I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean to be, but you are totally in denial at this point. There's nothing wrong with that, everyone denies it at first. It's the first stage of the grieving process over a lost relationship. You need to start another post, letting us know how you are doing as the holidays loom closer. This one is getting really long and you need a fresh start on this conversation.
You are only concerned with yourself right now and getting her back. I agree with bridgie's earlier posts about co-dependency. You need to stop trying to manipulate situations with the sole purpose of getting her back and you need to work on yourself and your problems. You need to 100% do what she wants you to do (i.e. if she wants to stay in touch with you but not text everyday do that. If she wants to stop texting altogether, do that. If she wants to text but not long, heartwrenching begging her to take you back texts, do that). Cause what you are doing is still putting yourself first in this relationship. If you can't do what she needs you to do, if you can't put her first for what sounds like the first time in your time together, then step back and let her go. Because although you are in a lot of pain and I feel for you, your denial that you were cheating (you were, having sexual conversations with people on line is cheating 100%), your excuses for texting her constantly and still monitoring in some sense where she is and when she's working etc, still indicate that you are behaving in some of your old patterns. You need to work on yourself in concrete ways, not just words to her. Maybe she will come back to you and maybe she won't. But you will be a better person at the end of the process. Hang in there, break-ups are awful and if you were the one in the wrong and regretting it, I can only imagine the guilt and regret that you must be feeling.