I know the slightest sight or sound can trigger a memory of a lost loved one

I'm going to Toronto with my boyfriend. We leave August 31st and return September 7th. We're going to Fan Expo(convention) for 4 days and will also see the sights of downtown Toronto. I've never been to Toronto so I'm excited! I'm getting my picture taken with Robert Picardo, Jeri Ryan and Ethan Phillips! We're also doing Breakfast with the Stars! Money goes toward Sick Children's Hospital of Toronto.

I am not doing well after comments made by a coworker and a counsel thing that did not help me. My babies mean a lot to me and I am feeling even worse. I am not "obsessed" with the babies I lost- I am GREIVING my rare and never coming back babies and that has no "time limit". I gave birth to them and they aren't on this world anymore with me. I'm going to see a counselor that doesn't believe in "time limits" of grief of dead loved ones, especially your own tiny babies. I feel my grief is just disenfranchised and counseling just causes more scary panic attacks, blood pressure issues, and asthma attacks. It's not fair I can't make myself stop crying through all this. I'm not doing so well at all.

Yes you're grieving which is understandable!*hugs* I wish people would stop saying such hurtful things to you!*hugs* It sounds like that counselor will be helpful for you. I believe the counselor should be there to listen and not push you to talk about anything until you're ready.

As I said in your journal Hollywood-that co-worker had no right to sit in judgement of you when odds is that she hasn't had to suffer what you have had to.

HAve a great time Darknessember-we will miss ya-take lots of photos

Thanks annette I will!*hugs*

I had to buy $40 worth of anti fungal cream today and a family member of mine commented they "didn't feel comfortable" with me watching my niece anyway. If my babies didn't die, I would be taking care of two newborns of my own right now. The last thing I need to hear is about someone who thinks I would be lousy at that. I lost my twins and this mean talk somehow makes it harder for me. I'm so angry right now. I guess high school never ends for some people and they just have to continue enjoying the gossipy life, constantly feeling a burning desire to put people down. I don't feel sorry that these people are missing out on their own lives instead of putting people down. I'm just glad I'm not like them, always looking for things wrong with everyone just to make themselves look better. It's sad all I've been through this year and wrong people have to beat me when I'm this down. I'm already dealing with enough right now. Why can't people I can't avoid just stop. Like this even when I do avoid them it gets around to me every time. I'm going though too much with all this tremendous grief.

I agree-it is bad enough to live thru childrens teasing/lack of courtesy etc as we grew up but adults to behave the same way :(

I'm sorry you're going though that. I hope you feel better.I have a skin fungal thing and it's the pits. I hope you get better soon! And don't listen to mean people even if it's family...easier said than done I know.I'm just checking in here to say hello.

shall we send over a single nurse to squirt you with a garden hose to help you with your fungal thing redvelvet?

I would like to get rid of it yes! LOL. I still have it too! Hows everyone doing?

Just got back from Fan Expo in Toronto today and not feeling well at all. My asthma and stomach were acting up while we were there. My asthma especially because it was so hot. I'm having a lot of congestion again, my throat is sore and my upper chest is sore. I might have caught a cold or infection at Fan Expo. Hope both Redvelvet and Hollywood feel better soon!*hugs*

welcome back darknessember-hope you and your boyfriend feel better soon

Thanks me too annette! I seem to be getting worse. The nurse practitioner took a throat swab. Results will be back in about 48 hours. She said to see how I am over the next 24 to 48 hours. That if I get worse to come see her again.

Ugh sorry you aren't feeling good! I hope you got to enjoy the trip anyway?

I'm feeling ok. Doctor has me on an elimination diet to see if I'm sensitive to gluten eggs or dairy.I sure hope not because I love food! I'm on day 6 and I'm so midi and tired and frankly hungry but sick of being sick really. My anxiety has been worse on the morning...almost to the point where I dint want to get out of bed in the morning. But I'm hopeful the fix will figure out why I'm so dead tired all the time.

Hollywood I how you're doing well now!