Reasons to Not Wash

If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to other important areas of life you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in our logic...

1. I was forced to as a child.

2. People who make soap are only after your money.

3. I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.

4. People who wash are hypocrites - they think they are cleaner than everyone else.

5. There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.

6. I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.

7. None of my friends wash.

8. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.

9. I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.

10. I can't spare the time.

-Author Unknown

I received this in an email...

Have a super day

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.


There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

A higgs-boson particle walks up to a Catholic church. The priest stops him at the door and says “I’m sorry, you can’t participate in our service today.” The higgs-boson particle says “What?! You can’t have mass without me!”

Science Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7943401

A Baptist preacher went to see a member of the community and invited him to come to Church on Sunday morning. The man was a producer of fine peach brandy and told the preacher he would love to attend his Church IF the Pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of the congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.

Sunday morning came and the man came to Church. The preacher recognized him from the pulpit and said: "I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. I want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given."

A man is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out, but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"
Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND swearing!"
Still nothing...and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one last time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, swearing and smoking." Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said... "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."

A minister soliciting for a worthy cause was turned down by a curt letter which ended, “As far as I can see, this Christian business is one continuous give, give, give.” The clergyman wrote back, “Thank you for the best definition of the Christian life I have ever heard.”

Giving And Helping Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12484523

Matthew: If Jesus were driving a car, what kind do you think it would be?
Mark: A Chrysler!

Automobile And Mechanic Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/10999249

A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said, advising the congregation to do what he and his family had done: "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it gets awfully crowded in there."

Television Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7626366

Noah released all of the animals, and then went back on the ark to take a look around to be sure that none were still aboard. He looked high and low, and everything seemed to be fine, but just as he was about to exit the ark, he saw two snakes hiding fearfully in a corner. "What are you still doing on the ark?" Noah asked. "You told all the animals to go forth and be fruitful and multiply, as God commanded," replied one trembling snake. "And we were so afraid, because you see, we're adders."

Snake Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/5154494

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
God bless you!

Knock-Knock Jokes
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/2834809

Anxious to get married, a young couple arrived at the minister's house at three o'clock in the morning. Waking the minister from a sound sleep, they persuaded him to perform the ceremony right away. The next day, the headline in the newspaper was as follows: 'Minister Ties Knot In His Pajamas.'

Wedding Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12027815

Christmas: Jesus is the reason for the season!

Christmas Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/5576139

"A small boy in Sunday School described how powerful God is: 'God is more powerful than Batman, Superman, and the Lone Ranger put together.'"

-Dick Van Dyke

Superhero Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12424227

"If evolution is true, why do mothers still have only two hands?"

-Tim Davis

Atheist And Evolutionist Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/11475236

"Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong."

-Joseph P. Dooley

Human Nature Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12499110