StillBill

I'm helping a friend with a major problem  Shes in a  horrible situation please God   help me here 

My dad is not doing well gotta go homejust found out my best friend  growing up died 6 months ago!¡!No one told me.How the hell can this shit happen.I'm heartbrokenI was also going home to see...

What the hell am I doing right?nothingNothing is workingThe only person in my life distrusts me  I am no longer hereThis profound black condition is come over mea blanket of  unending sadnessI'm...

How the freaking hell do I always find a way to be sad. . . .I know I'm not really t r y i n g . . .  but if I'm not then I'd be like king of that kind of shit   

It isn't bad, it isn't goodI hate itit clings to me like a shadow even when the stars come out

. . .  but I keep thinking why I .almost didn't did, forget his birthday. I once looked up to himI can, if the sun is shining, change my face  &  smile as a memory floats by . . . time and...

Well,   yeh, I think I'm feeling OK.- not buzzin around singin zippity do da or anything, but hey, I don't see any fuckin clouds over my house, that is, foreboding ones.I do see some rain clouds...

Damn it, what the hell is wrong here?I'm not doing something right  man.I thought I had this shit figured out!My sadness makes me angryand I'm taking 22 pills, caps in a myriad of sizes and...

Yes, it's still around, I'm doing some bio-feedback shit in my head and pretending away any painful day flashes that pop in my brain  and trigger some sort of downward feeling that I can now see...

Yeh, I think things are a little  better these days. I'm not jumping around the room singing Barry Manalo tunes. . . .  ( . . . no frickin' way man! ). Not the cut of my jib. 

Them dag gum varmits are in them hills Roy,- right up in them hootie snickers,  - see? . . .lookie there's one of them dag gone horny type lizards right up a yonder. . .   ... Man, I love doing...

I AM SO MAD  RIGHT NOW.I WANT TO KNOW THE NAME OF THE PERSON WHO HURT BETH35. I HAVE TO KNOW HERSHE CANNOT GO AWAY AND NOT KNOW THE RAGE IN MY HEARTI WILL NOT TELL HER THAT I AM MORE BROKEN BECAUSE...

I'm happy . . but I'm sooooo tired all the time . .  Pisses me off . Make plans . . .  cancel. same old shit . . . .   but I'm taking it better than I used to. . .