PaganSpirit
Status: "Scars are stories, history written on the body" Kathryn Harrison
Mood:
Ok
Offline
- My mother has been going through a lot of things since my father died in January. She came across something I wrote over 20yrs ago for my grandmother when she died. I won't post the whole thing but at the end of it I added a quote that I found that...
- I've been wearing a rubber band around my wrist for a few days now and snapping it against my wrist every now and then. Why would I do such a thing? Its a coping technique designed to help me from cutting. I can't stop the urges to cut. They have...
- Getting ready to leave work today and out of nowhere I feel sadness. It took me totally be surprise. I've been doing better. Still dealing with depression but overall doing better and this feeling was strong. The feeling of sadness was strong and...
- My vacation is over. I didn't do much. I didn't go anywhere. I went out to dinner with my mother on my birthday, bought myself some nice things, but mostly I didn't have to go into work and that was awesome. I spent a lot of time just being lazy and...
- So, I am sitting at the computer listening to music, Edgar(my cat) sitting beside me and there is a pause between songs and in that instant I farted and when I looked at Edgar he had a look on his face like as if to say"you pig". I couldn't help it...
- I was just looking at a picture my mother sent me of my dad. Its an older picture and he's dressed really nice, suit and tie and its in black and white. Its a really good picture and I love black and white photos. Me and my mom got to talking about...
- I had to bring Edgar(my cat) to the emergency room again last night. He had to spend the night and I just got home with him. He had a urinary tract blockage. This is a condition I thought he had twice before but he didn't. Its a life threatening...
- I made it through thanksgiving ok. Had a nice meal with my parents and felt ok but ever since then I feel like I've been getting worse. I'm more irritable as well as my mood slipping. I've felt sad for no reason and then I got a call from my mother...
- Earlier today I got home from a pdoc appointment and doing some shopping. I wasn't home 10 minutes and the power goes out. This sucks because my anxiety just starts going thinking of the worst possible scenarios like the power will be out for a day...
- Earlier at work I made a mistake and when I realized what I did I couldn't stop beating myself up. "your an idiot," "you should have known better", "you're stupid", etc,etc. These are the things I keep telling myself and I also worry to death about...
- It took a lot for me to do this but I changed my orange face(bad) to a yellow face(ok). What does it mean to feel ok? Well, I haven't felt suicidal in a long time, I haven't felt the urge to cut in a while, work has been okmeaning less stressful and...
- We have a family member who isn't doing well these days. It breaks my heart to see her doing so poorly. Her name is Morgan and she is one of my parents dogs. She was diagnosed with lupus years ago and put on medication with only a year or so to...
- I work for Amtrak. Its a passenger rail service thats nationwide so theres a lot of employees. The station I work at is a smaller station with only 6 employees and I feel we all have a good working relationship. They know I've been hospitalized...
- I'm sick of me. I never know how I will feel when I wake up in the morning. I could be sad, frustrated, tired because I didn't sleep well or any combination of these and/or any other emotion. I'm sick of it! Why can't I find some stability? I have a...
- This is nothing new, I've felt like a misfit all my life its just sometimes it really hits me. I feel like I'm not like those around mefriends, family, co-workers, etc. I just feel like an outsider. I can't help it, I'm not trying to be different...