Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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PaganSpirit 12/30/2015

I made it through thanksgiving ok. Had a nice meal with my parents and felt ok but ever since then I feel like I've been getting worse. I'm more irritable as well as my mood slipping. I've felt sad for no reason and then I got a call from my mother on christmas telling me my fathers in the hospital. I really wasn't in the holiday spirit anyway so oh well, my mood just got worse. I've been feeling frustrated as well. I was doing so much better and now it seems like the darkness is creeping in again. I can't help but think the worse about my dad being in the hospital. Every time the phone rings I just know that will be the call telling me he died. Today, I've felt on the edge of tears all day. I almost broke down at work, when I was talking to my brother, when I was talking to my mom and even now as I type this I feel like I could cry at any moment. I don't know what to do with myself.

cherylmcgr 12/30/2015

I find a good cry helps me feel better sometimes. I hope your Dad will be okay. You did not mention if you are on meds, maybe they need tweeking. hugs

rubyblue 12/30/2015

I know what it is like to live with anticipatory dread Pagan.... and it is awful and emotional and a bunch of other crapola...... maybe crying will help release some of those emotions?

I pray your dad is going to be ok..... I think the holidays are pretty depressing for a lot of people... I hope you see your therapist soon and can work through some of these feelings that you are having

(((hugs))) x

MoobbusT 12/30/2015

Sending you supportive wishes for strength and courage Pagan.

PaganSpirit 12/30/2015

Thanks you guys for your support and kind words. I agree that a good cry may help but I've always had a problem crying. For some reason I just hold it back, hold it inside. I give myself headaches holding it back sometimes. Even in my therapists office I can only allow myself a few tears but not a true cry. I think for some reason I feel like I am less of a person if I cry, like I am weak and can't handle things. This is just me speculating.

irishwriter 12/30/2015

big big hugs to you pagan and a huge choc cake and fresh cream and choc btandy sauce!

SunCloudJD 12/30/2015

Big hug of comfort for you sweetie... I hope and pray your Dad will be okay... xo

rubyblue 12/30/2015

to cry is to be human Pagan.... men are socialised to believe that it emasculates them.... it is in fact the opposite... it shows strength not weakness and you are not a lesser person who is weak and can't handle things... it is an emotional outlet... a healthy one... if you can... try and let those tears out..... they are there for a reason my friend.... I know when I can cry I feel better most of the time

PaganSpirit 12/30/2015

Thanks ruby, I needed to hear that.

SensitiveHoboLady 12/30/2015

Sending over (((hugs))) and yes, it is ok to cry....it can be cathartic. Wishing you well, my friend.

bluemood82 12/30/2015

I know the struggle (((((hugs)))))

JennS 12/30/2015

Big hugs.

darkenedheart 12/31/2015

Hope things have picked up for you. Crying is a human response but of course you have grown up with the Big Boys Dont Cry BS. Its horrible breaking down in public isn't it.

Thinking of you.

BabyShelby 12/31/2015

Hi Pagan~~

Sending you a big hug.

My husband just lost his mom a week ago. Now, this guy is a stoic farmer who has had maybe 3 bad moods in his entire life. (Ha ha ha .... wouldn't you know he marries someone with bipolar!)

When she first died and he was consumed with making all the funeral arrangements, he kept choking back his emotions. He didn't sleep a wink for 5 nights straight and this is a guy who gets a good 10 hours every night. He finally couldn't contain it any longer and cried -- in front of our daughters (who are in their 20s but had never seen him cry), his friends, all his family. Not one person thought he was weak -- just a well-rounded, natural guy who loved his mama.

Giving yourself permission to cry is sometimes too strict an order. I like to give myself permission to feel fully -- and if that means laughing hysterically or crying buckets it's all good.

Hope your mood takes a uptick soon!

theatrediva 12/31/2015

Sorry you are going thru this Pagan. I am sending peacful heaking vibes your way. Hugs.

dizzynini 12/31/2015

I hope your dad is ok Pagan. Big hugs

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