Earlier at work I made a mistake and when I realized what I did I couldn't stop beating myself up. "your an idiot," "you should have known better", "you're stupid", etc,etc. These are the things I keep telling myself and I also worry to death about getting in trouble, or what the consequences of my actions will be. I fucking hate this!! I hate beating myself up so much and worrying so much. I wish I could stop but I just keep beating myself up. Was it a world ending mistake? No but I treat it like it is. Will I make more mistakes in the future? Yes. Will I be so mean to myself each time, I don't know. I can hear my therapists voice in my head reminding me that its ok to make mistakes, take a few deep breathes and forgive myself. She's right but I'm not good at forgiving myself and I hang on to things forever. I wish I could just let it go. In a few days or so it will fade away into the past but right now its the worst catastrophe I could have done. Why such an extreme reaction to a situation I know most people would have forgotten about by now. Sorry, just needed to vent. I'm just so sick and tired of being so fucking hard on myself.
Posts You May Be Interested In
My dad is ringing a lot. I have been no contact for approx 3 months now. i cannot answer as I know they will guilt and shame me about making them feel bad. This tactic usually works but I realized I cannot be held responsible for their feelings. Anyway I have realized dealing with complex PTSD I cannot have family in my corner as they are not helpful. Anyway this whole situation is bringing me...
I have had a parent who is a habitual liar and I have adopted the habit in my life and I want to stop. Even small things. I struggle with real and not real because of my schizophrenia too. My wife can't be with someone who has this issue because her dad had it too. I would understand if she wants to leave because I am still working on this issue but I wish we could solve it without her leaving...