ryverrat

Well, I found a full time job but it's a call center thing and I am waking up shaking and heart pounding.  I don't know if I can hang on to do this.  I need to work but I am running out of...

I feel I am at bottom.  Last month my husband of 16 yrs assaulted me.  This was not the first time, but I had told him before it was not happening again.  And I am keeping that boundary.  I got a...

I have had 2 rounds of botox for my migraines and it is night and day.  I went from almost a headache a day to 2-3 per month.  This is the best thing ever for my migraines.

Getting migraines every morning just about.  They are even waking me up a 3AM.  This sucks, got the nightmares under control, now my head feeling like someone is taking a splitting maul to it at 3...

I am finally giving in and writing about my past so I can understand what happened then that is making me the way I am now.  It is tough.  To remember everything done to me is painful.  My...

Ok, I understand for the Christian (and some non-Christians) this is the greatest time of the year.  But please, STOP IT JAMMING DOWN EVERYONE'S THROAT!  This is not the spiritual holiday that your...

Lately I have been feeling better.  Nightmares under control, working more, doing things I enjoy again.  Now my allergies have hit extra hard.  So bad that my throat was closing.  On 4 different...

Recently I had a complete breakdown- depression got so deep I could not function.  I found myself in the behavior health unit so numb and hopeless.  Only thing the unit did for me was give me a...

Today was the first time since this started that I was able to go out for several hours today to various stores with out getting so anxious that I stutter and shake.  Was nice to be able to look at...

Writing these thing reminds me what I strive to do, so as not to be like those who abuse and those who ignore the abuse. Be humbly proud of yourself.Be compassionate to othersBe not angry over...

Since I feel free enough to let anyone see my journal (I have no need to hide or be ashamed), I thought it would be a good place to put this.  It has been posted before but some people are not in...

Last night was the first night this month that I really sleep well- no night sweats, startling awake or shaking.  Funny thing was my husband told me in his therapy they told them for a good night...

My therapist wants me to right about the child I was and how I feel about it.  I had decided this week before even seeing him, that I needed to write down what I remember.  He wanted me to do a 3rd...

For 35 years I have tried to deal with the things that happened in my childhood.  I just tried to forget all the fights, the threats, punishment and how I felt like I could not escape.  In my 20's...

On the past Sunday I triggered very bad- shaking, stuttering, crying and almost fell when my knees buckled.  It started with my husband hammering to remove a carpet tack strip.  The sound was the...