Life in a blender on frappe
I feel I am at bottom. Last month my husband of 16 yrs assaulted me. This was not the first time, but I had told him before it was not happening again. And I am keeping that boundary. I got a protection from abuse order which evicted him from the apartment and "prevents" him from having any contact with me. All I can say about him is he is sick but not willing to do the things for him to recover. With him gone, I lost a big chunk of financial support. His parent were helping us and he has disability. Now that money is gone. I am still looking for full time work. I do work part time but because of court dates, dr. appointments and just shear mental break down, I have missed time. I am facing not being able to pay the electric, rent, car insurance, etc. I did get food stamps and have medicaid. But since I have no kids (shame on me for being responsible and not wanting a kid to have to grow up like I did) and have 2 cats for emotional support (getting them certified), I can't get any other help. My husband injured my right rotator cuff, triggered the fuck out of my PTSD, and broke my heart. With my asthma, I can't work in warehouses/ factories- doing so last fall put me in the hospital. Right now I can't find a professional job in my field (environmental) without moving, long commute or being willing to happliy be worked to death. All I have are my friends that are doing as much as they can and my cats. I am to the point of doing a go fund me to just pay the bills. I have never asked for charity before. I was the one giving it even when I had little to offer. I am lost.
Replies
Hang in there, okay? YOu're not lost. You're sort of existentially dizzy. (I prefer that phrase. It implies I'll feel like I stop spinning, as opposed to needing rescue. Ignore if you want.)
Get yourself a list of MustHaves, and there are places that help people in a bad spot by providing free pet food and stuff, where I live, so maybe that'll help you?
As for the rest... YOU ARE AMAZINGLY HEROIC! YOu did it! You said "No more!" You got the order! You stood up and refused to let him cross the boundary! I know it's broken your heart, but Ryver, he broke your body, and that means his respect for you is nil-zero-zilcherooney, and if one thing is needed ina relationship.... It'[s respect. (She quotes from Marriage for Dummies....)
Puma power, and don't think of it as charity. There's handouts, and then there's a hand *up*. Asking for a hand up holds no shame. We all need a hand up, now and then. Big diff, to me, at least. You're not asking for a free ride, just a chance, right? So stop beating you up.
Thanks Leo.
I really am just looking for the hand to help pull me out of the hole so I can turn around an offer others my hand to pull them out too. I'm just going with the immediates- I have food, cats have food. Rent for this month is covered (inlaws are still awesome but can't ask anymore). Still need to pay car insurance, electric, storage (working on getting rid of that), gas, and internet (a must for job hunting). I'm working on an application to get a grant to become a certified peer specialist in PA - with what I have come through, I feel I can help others navigate it and helping them will help me also.