The "experts" say a major loss takes 2-5 years to recover from and reach "acceptance." The first year and the second year tend to be ongoing adjustment to a different way of living. It is exhausting at times - how could it not be when essentially your core relationship which shapes your social and familial identity is gone?

However, anyone that is 3-6 years out and still feeling just as bad as when the loss was new aren't just mourning, they are most likely suffering from depression and need medication and professional help.

There is no magic number when suddenly you wake up one morning and everything is honky-dory. It doesn't work that way. Wellness, contentment, happiness are grown slowly again - sometimes in great leaps, but often by baby steps. But if you make the effort and hang onto some courage, you will get through it.

There is no one single thing that will rebuild your life and get you through this. Human beings are complex, and the loss is so huge, that it will take lots of different pieces to put your life puzzle back together again. It won't be the same - obviously! - but it still can be good. Good days are as inevitable as bad days, and always have been, and always will be. My life doesn't look anything like it used to, but for the most part is is good, I am happy. But I still shed a tear on our wedding anniversary and his birthday. The difference is that grief is not what is in the command seat - it doesn't control my life nor how I deal with the rest of the world.

Don't give up, and don't be scared by other people who are struggling. Sooner or later, those folks will have to recognize that they need to try something new to become unstuck.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Hi everyone first let me say Iam very sorry for your loss... my name is Dave my wife of 8 years was Tammy. We have 3 beautiful young daughters now 16,13,and 11. I lost Tammy due to a motor vehicle accident (07/20/2008 ). left to raise the girls who were still very young at 6,3, and 14 months.

It has been a very long journey now 10 years in.... I have remarried and its been good but definitely not near the life I had previously.
I can't say I'm fully at peace with my wife's passing being 10 years in to this journey.. but I can say that I have learned a lot about myself and learned
Gratitude for everything Tammy was and is ..and I wouldn't change the way things have turned out.. Unfortunate as they were and are.. Because I was blessed..

I hope that one day you also will be able to feel that about your lost loved ones on this journey we share...

I wish you peace

Dave( AKA Brokenone821 )

Irina/babochka. My husband Keith died on 08/15/17 of a massive stroke. We had been married for 13 months and 13 days. After his death I went through anger, guilt, remorse, acceptance, all those stages. Had my crazy thoughts and moments. At an around 6 mo.mark I had a turning point to the better, like a second breathing. Now it's just sadness and loneliness that cannot be filled with my son and friends and pets and work and hobbies. Part of me is still stunned and confused. I never thought to be a member of this club. I hate this word, widow. I don't want to be a widow. Thank you for all the support here.

Hi I’m sancan/sandy.. my wonderful loving husband passed away 7 weeks ago. Diagnosed with kidney cancer in December died 5 months later.
I met him and married at age 19, married 45 years, wonderful husband , father grandfather. There are days just looking at his picture is overwhelming. Glad I found this group. I just hope one day I can think of him and not cry for hours, I have wonderful memories and want to smile when I think of them not cry. I hope that days comes.. hugs sandy

Hi, I'm Joe. My wife, Nancy and I had been married almost 41 years when she died from cancer complications. Unlike many cancer victims, she was only diagnosed 3 weeks before her death and up until her last day, the doctors were optimistic her disease would respond to treatment. I have been hanging around this site for several months now and I wish I had found it earlier. This is such a caring and helpful group of people. Thanks to each of you for all the support and inspiration you provide to me and everyone who finds their way here. I am trying to take it day by day and looking for the joy in each day and trying to help others find their joy as well. You are in my prayers. Joe

Hi! I am Betty (ladybjt). My husband died unexpectedly on April 26, 2017. We had been together since our Freshman year in high school. I knew he was the one for me when I saw his big wonderful smile. We were married just over 40 years. I found this group about a week after his passing. I am blessed with a wonderful network of supportive family and friends, but I needed a place where I could pour my heart out. IThis was it. I am still struggling, but is much better than at first. Bless all of you and hugs.