Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
anybody know who im talkin about?? seems she and the group she created are no where to be found ?? did she get deleted?? or anybody else in this forum??
and as to to bullspit ive seen on here. i think we all dish it out sometimes, but it seems that some are worse than others. I have chosen to put a few on ignore, two of whom have made amends, the rest, god only knows as i cant see their posts.
and the "help" thread is not about leann rhymes. thats my thread about the hilarity of CS's thinking that their cheating is an emergency.
Always sending love and support(to BS and CS alike!)
As notsure said, you have confused the two threads. I posted the one on Leann Rimes. And here is where I get upset because the whole "judge not lest thee be judged" gets thrown around all the time without understanding the full context. We ALL judge. Yes, indeed, we do. We are NOT talking about judging another person's SOUL, but their ACTIONS. We can and even SHOULD do that. Otherwise we have an issue with determining right and wrong. You did it yourself in your post. You are saying you think others' words are contradictory, which is a JUDGMENT. And, that's okay. We just have to keep it all in perspective regarding our own behavior.
"Slamming the OW and then agonizing over forgiving the CS" is not really contradictory. For one thing, I myself still make some less than loving comments regarding my H's behavior. It's a way to blow off some steam. Second, keep in mind the fact that this board is mostly full of people who have not been healing from infidelity all that long. People who are still hurting are going to vent frustrations. But even more than that, if my H told me that what he did was basically okay because he had the hots for the OW and everyone else is doing it, we probably would not be reconciling our marriage. What Leann said was insulting BS and I stand by that.
But, I guess we are getting off subject here....
I lost it on a couple of occasions. Dropped a few "F" Bombs too! This is painful stuff here. We all have deep feelings about it. NOT taking things personally at ALL time and NEVER having times when you are more emotional than others would be a freaking miracle! Some of us go through pure hell at times. I have medical issues. There are times I am afraid to even post on here because of it. Why would I expect anyone else to be on perfect behavior at all times? Never would!
Nosey is like ...lol an onion!!! LOTS of layers!! No ogre about her though! You know how I feel about ya! I can have nothing but respect for someone that is willing to look within themselves and see their strengths and faults very clearly and honestly. She never claimed to be perfect and in fact is more than willing to accept her own faults. THAT is something for which I have the utmost respect.
I love that woman, her brutal honesty is very refreshing for me.
I just posted to the "help" thread and it has nothing to do with what that little hussey RIMES
I think you said it all perfectly. I'm far from perfect myself.
But I've learned so much just by being here.
Compassion is the biggest lesson of all. Everybody hurts.
Just as you would see an attorney in a courtroom stating their stand on a subject or opinion. When you take that same attorney OUT of the courtroom, they actually have all of the self esteem issues and fears that the rest of us have. What you see on the board is often a defense mechanism for her. However, once you actually get to know her are a REAL person. She is a very compassionate, loyal and loving person.
Mommy, I think you saw in her the same thing I did. Someone that is hurting just like the rest of us. Someone that is just as scared and confused as we all are. You dont see that on the board and I think people mistakenly think she is much more thick skinned than she is.
I have to say that she has been there for me in many ways. When I was really hurting bad she was there for me like I cant even tell you. She is someone that I care about and think highly of. I dont see her as perfect. I dont see anyone that way. But I understand her much better than I did and came to like her a lot. She reminded me that what we see on this board is only a small fraction of who the person is posting.
I also have a bit of a problem with people who express that holier than thou, superior "judge not lest ye be judged" attitude without realizing that when they express that opinion about someone they are, in fact, judging the person they are condemning for judging others. I agree with Natty on this one.
People have a right to say what they want. Others don't have to agree with what they say, like what they say, or like them for what they say. I don't like nosey and she probably doesn't like me, but that doesn't mean that I don't think she has a right to say the things she says. I will call her on her bullshit and point out when I think she is wrong but I would never tell her to shut the fuck up or go away or tell her she should not be posting in a group for betrayed spouses.
Sure, we all judge. I have a problem with people who judge and try to pass it off as support. I also judge and I make it damn clear that's what I'm doing. I don't claim it's support, or tough love or any other kind of crap. That's the difference, I think. If I told someone to fuck off it wasn't simply because they said something I didn't like. It was usually because they pushed it too far, twisted my words and didn't even bother trying to understand. I don't have time for that shit. If I called someone a bitch, she had the option of taking it as a compliment, like I do. I never told anyone they didn't belong in CA because they weren't C's. I consistently tried to communicate that IF they weren't able to offer support THEN CA was not a good fit for them. That's a conditional statement, not a direct judgment, which leaves room for them to assess their own ability to offer support and adjust their behaviour accordingly. Those debates would rage on and on, and I would get fed up and verbally aggressive, but no more than anyone else. The validity of my point remains the same.
I may come across as 'superior' to some people. It may be that the way I write comes across that way, I'm not sure. For the most part I try to use plain language and keep my posts as emotionally neutral as possible. Believe it or not many of these heated debates are not all that heated for me. I don't recall that I ever told anyone to shut the fuck up. I won't do it here anymore than I would in real life. Thankfully people in my real life can actually hear my tone, and have sufficient respect for me that they will take a moment to ensure that they are understanding what I intended to say. That respect is deeply appreciated out there, as it is in here.
I can assure you of this much: I will never walk into a room designated for the support of BS's and post. And if I did, and I pissed off the locals enough to be asked by even one to back down, I'd have enough respect to walk away. People have a right to say what they want. Respectful people will back off and leave it alone when they've been told that their input is not welcome.
Yeah, you're right. You never used those exact words. You said the following to a woman who came to the CA room looking for advice from cheaters about her H who was overseas and cheated on her. She was just looking for advice from CSs about what her H might be thinking and help dealing with the situation. Her post was very nice, respectful, and non-judgmental and you responded by writing:
"this is for cheaters to come and get help and advise...you need to post this in rebuilding a marriage after an affiar group...not this one..
Reply #3 04/03/10 11:38am
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