And I suppose no one noticed the hate and disrespect she showed me over and over. I am done with this. I really think that some of you should go back and read NP, aka pinkorgonzos early posts in CA. She came in and caused nothing but trouble and regularly went after BSs. When I came along she turned her attention toward me. She accused me of so many things that weren't true. She attacked me over and over again. In one post she accused me of generalizing and would not let up even when I tried to explain what was really meant by what I said. Many people pointed out to her that she should just back off, but she wouldn't. She made a big deal out of nothing and got all insulted about something very trivial. Even Lebe said it was nothing to get bent about, but she would not let up and just kept going after me. And it wasn't the first time she'd done that. So please open your eyes and see things for what they are. When someone repeatedly accuses you of saying something that isn't true because they have taken it completely wrong, and they will not listen or consider your explanation, but instead just keep going after you, is it really that unreasonable to dislike them?

I have offered NP support before. She has never offered me any. I am glad she has been there for you guys, but that is not the case with me. All she has ever given me is conflict and grief. I don't need that in my life anymore which is why I now have her on ignore so you will never see me get into another conflict with her, but please respect the fact that I am not you, and while she may have offered you support and given you insights that have been helpful, that has not been the case with me or others. clrhas left because of her attacks and so have others. IMHO anyone who would say "those who know me know me well and those who don't can go to hell" should probably rethink human relationships. She's not fooling me and other people are onto her as well.

I know what happened too. I never did anything to make NP or Lebe feel like a whore. In fact I defended Lebe's chosen lifestyle more than once because I appreciate her honesty and openness toward her partners. I really think you have me confused with someone else shewolf. I have also defended you. I recall one instance when NP inferred that you weren't very smart and I defended you. Look where it got me?

wheel alignment?
oil change
windsheild wipers
seat covers
interior floof
floor mats
wash/wax

Thank you lebe and shewolf, not only for the support, but even more for dispelling my feeling that what I experienced was all in my head. When enough people tell you you're fucked up for so long, that they haven't really been mean and it's all in your head, sometimes a person gives in and starts to believe. It means so much to me to have you step up and be witnesses. Gaslighting is my pet peeve, but they almost got me with it.

I am so done with people who will never let it go. I don't know what purpose is being served by continuing to bash me. Sure, I said some things but nothing that hasn't been said, or thought, by other people. The difference is I didn't bow down and apologize and for that I paid a price. I'm still paying.

I debated the pros and cons of telling and got told there is only one way. I was treated like an asshole for not falling in line with the popular belief. But now, some of the same people who said 'only one way' then have come around to a more flexible way of thinking. Some now say they wish they had never been told. I might have had something to do with that so I don't apologize.

I broke the cardinal rule once or twice, maybe more, I don't recall. I told a BS it's no wonder your husband screwed around on you. That was the meanest thing I could say. It's also something that's been said or implied by others, even by a BS or two. Is cheating ever justified? No. That's the PC answer. Are there some cases where we look at the behaviour of the BS and think it's more easily understandable that the spouse cheated? Hell, yeah. Was it right? Nope. Justified? Nope. Understandable? Ummm...maybe. Can that kind of understanding lead to healing for someone? Absolutely. In fact it's really hard to heal without first understanding how and why the affair started. If the BS has been an abrasive, controlling, selfish asshole for years, it doesn't justify the affair but it does explain why the CS was vulnerable to having an affair, and if the behaviour of the BS is not addressed the CS will remain vulnerable. So if a BS is made aware that their treatment of their spouse is unacceptable it could lead to healing. Was it okay to say it the way that I did? Hell, no. Did it need to be said? Fuck, yeah! Is it okay to screw around? No. Is it a huge shock? Well.....not always.

There were blanket statements made about OP that didn't fit my situation, so I refuted them. Big mistake. But as a result some people learned to be more specific, learned to talk about their own stuff instead of making general statements. Talking about how I felt about this person who that will usually be more productive than saying most of those people have certain characteristics. One leads to healing, the other leads to hatred. A similar debate happened recently and at least one BS came to see that she had been projecting her feelings about her husbands OW onto the whole group of OP's. It happens all the time. That projection wasn't helping her to heal. By going after a whole group of people she was avoiding sorting through her own feelings. I think for a lot of people that's easier but less productive. I helped to wake her up and put her back on track, dealing with her own feelings directly and in a productive way. She was grateful. So again, I don't apologize for rocking the boat. It lead to some healing and more open minds. Sometimes the end does justify the means.

When I first arrived, and for months afterward, people were flat out mean to me in the name of support, bashing me with home truths long before I was stable enough to absorb any of it. But I'm here now, I've healed and moved forward. I would bet that all of those people who were so cruel would say the end justified their means. If the end result of what I said was progress for someone then my means were justified as well.

I could apologize for all kinds of things but it would be "I'm sorry, but....". That's something I won't do. If there's a but involved then I'm not really sorry. I'm not going to lie about being sorry when I'm not, just to make peace. My perspective may be different and hard for some people to take but others have benefitted so I'm not sorry for stating my position.

I am sorry that I've caused deep and terrible pain for a woman who was a friend to me for so long. I wish there was something I could do that would ease her pain but there isn't. So I come here and accept that some days I'll be the pigeon and some days I'll be the statue. I can be a scapegoat some of the time and I consider it a form of pennance. It's what I can do. But this is what it is. I'm not the woman who hurt you. I don't even know your husband. The energy you direct toward me or someone like me (though I seem to be the favorite, not sure if I should be flattered?) is energy you could be putting into your marriage. Instead of proving what an asshole I might have been, you could be busy making love! People say it's a waste of energy to focus on the OP, it's the same waste to focus on me. Any emotional involvement that takes energy away from your marriage could be considered an affair, I'm sure I've been told that before. By that definition this could be considered an affair, albeit a sick and unpleasant one. I just ended one of those. I don't really need another. Maybe it's best if we don't see each other anymore.

LOL! Sorry for the novel, and the task list!

Luv, I wouldnt tell YOU or anyone how to feel about NP or anyone else. I would never presume to have the right. This should never be an either or kind of thing. Some people just bring out the worst in each other. Especially when there is a hurt history.

I think you have made the best choice possible to put her on ignore. She obviously rubs you completely the wrong way and you have I am sure many reasons to feel as you do. . She has a strong personality and I am sure she has rubbed others the wrong way. Hell she rubbed ME the wrong way too.

I am absolutely not advocating that you should just change your opinion of her based on mine or anyone elses. That would be beyond arrogant on my part.

The thing is you DO bring things to others on here. She brings out your bad feelings.. So putting her on ignore is by far your best course. That way you can concentrate on the good feelings on here instead of the bad ones! We need all the good we can get in our lives. Lord knows it is hard enough as it is, like you said.

I haven't read through all of this, but why come back under multiple profiles when you said you were done. if you're done, you're done, no need to have more profiles.

I'm not coming back under multiple profiles. This is the one left of the four I mentioned on my way out a few weeks back. I changed names a couple of times in an attempt to leave my past here behind, hoping I'd be allowed to get on with healing without having to constantly defend myself, among other reasons. At least one BS on this thread has done the same, although maybe for different reasons. Why come back? Would you sit quietly while people dis you? I don't know many people who would. Why take pot shots at someone who's not around anymore? These pot shots came first from ImDealing who preached that "unending arguments" were impeding the progress of people who want to heal, and luv4ever who agreed, saying "no more of that for me". She also said that if we "have divergent views that is fine and unless they give me a reason to, I don't have anything bad to say about them." I gave her no reason to say anything bad about me here. For fuck sake, I was long gone!!! She took this opportunitiy to be unkind for reasons that I can't begin to fathom.

Seriously, if my defensive arguing is so damaging to so many people, why would anyone want to stir this pot again???

Thanks nana. I actually liked her in the beginning and offered support. It was only after seeing her repeatedly try to control the CA group and bring out the claws with BSs who were looking for guidance that I began like her less and less. Then when she attacked me and friends of mine and would talk about how intelligent and hot she is and how much smarter she is than her H and other people I really began to dislike her. I saw some of the great contributor's to the group like rel8 leave.

She claims she's changed. I haven't seen it. I'm sure she has written more on this topic, but I will never know since she is now on ignore. I just don't want to have to deal with it anymore. I would rather give advice and support to people who appreciate it than bother with people who just like to stir up trouble, conflict and drama to feel important. So I guess she will have to find someone else to fight with now since I'm done.

Sorry, I meant to include a link for the sake of context:

ImDealings thread: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/10727434-suggestion-recent-discussions

and luv4evers responses, #3 (I think) and #62

Wow! Bite me luv! YOU STIRRED UP THIS TROUBLE!!! I was GONE and had no reason to come back! Can you spell hypocritical??? How about BULLSHIT? Fuck. Seriously, I think you missed me. You missed having someone to shit on. I've given you the gift of being your target for too long already. Who are you going to dump your shit on now?

I can't believe I have to say this Rel8 did not leave because of N
I know what happened.
That is a blatant lie and someone else you are dragging in.

Rel8 is someone I admire and respect highly. Probably the most of any BS that has been here. Don't bring her name up again.

You need to let this go.

As nana said its obvious N brings out your bad side. You can't seem to stop or control yourself.
She had to fight her way thru at the beginning. You know that.
I already said she and I butted heads.
(you called me stupid?) LOL

The point is she started healing and finally got to learn about herself and just life I guess.and started changing.

I remember the day I felt her pain so sharply. I know she understands and I feel the change in her.

She's trying to help and your still attacking.
No matter whos she trying to help or what group shes in.
Your not to far behind. You might have missed a couple of posts.

Why can't you let it go? Leave her be?
Enough already.

Its not about the past. Its about now. She a great person willing to help anyone.
Just Let it go.

You're wrong on this one shewolf. I have been in groups a long time before she showed up. I never followed nosey anywhere. I never called you stupid. I have let it go. Apparently you did not read what I said. I have put her on "Ignore". I don't even see what she writes anymore. If that isn't leaving it alone and letting it go I don't know what is. You are the one who keeps on going here . . . not me.

Christ, luv, you think you can leave off with flat out lies and no one should call you on it? Rebutting your bullshit is keeping this going? And you call me arrogant. Un fucking real. I'd put you on ignore but watching you spin your web is getting to be kind of entertaining.

BTW - If you read what I said I NEVER said rel8 left because of N. I do know that she became extremely frustrated with her at times though. Just as many did. Please get it straight before accusing me of telling a blatant lie.

You have got to be kidding luv. If you weren't implying that I had something to do with rel8 leaving, then what would be the point of mentioning it in that context? I'm sure lots of great contributors have left the group for a wide range of reasons. What has that got to do with me? And if it has nothing to do with me, then bringing it up the way you did, one is left to think you hoped people would reach the conclusion that I drove her away, without you having to say so directly. You are showing yourself to be a master of manipulation, and for what purpose? What the hell is all of this for? Why should you give a shit if some people like me? Jesus lady, I just can't see how this is worth it for you. What do you need out of this? It's a support group. Maybe if you can articulate whatever it is you need here, we can help you get it.