Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
This is my first post in any kind of forum like this. I could really use someone with medical expertise to help me out here.
I've been married for 15 years and this past year I've seen so many red flags in our relationship that it is hard to know what color isn't red right now.
-My wife and I have not been intimate in a year (not my choice believe me) but swears she is not having an affair.
-3 months ago She was treated with two massive doses of antibiotics (500mg) each taken by mouth once followed by another dose of antibiotics typical for UTIs to be taken 5 days, three times a day. (she didn't tell me she went to the Doctor and doesn't know I know)
-She had a urinalysis and blood work with pathology on the day they prescribed the antibiotics.
-Three months after the antibiotics I saw her 4th Gen HIV test results ripped up in the recycling bin. Non-Reactive (she has always refused HIV test before because she said there was no need since we had only been together). She doesn't know I know about the HIV test.
-She is healthy and has only had one UTI (after our honeymoon) in the years I have known her.
What does this all mean? Are UTIs common in non-sexually active women? Why the HIV test? Is a massive dose of antibiotics typical for a UTI treatment or are we talking Chlamydia or Gonorrhea? If she went in and they found an STD why did she not have an HIV test until 3 months later?
Am I jumping to conclusions on cheating that I shouldn't? I am feeling crushed.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
Any sooner and you’re just wasting your time.
Yea, antibiotics could be for an std or a bladder infection.
Typically treated with one type of antibiotic. She may have had vaginitis if she was treated by Flagyl (typically for 7-10 days) also Can get if not sexually active... uti’s aretreated with keflex, macrobid or cipro... depending on the dr prescribing it... not treated with penicillin or azythromycine ... that would be something else...
You need to come clean. Have a civil conversation about feeling neglected and concerned about your sex life. Tell her about the HIV test and the antibiotics. Have a honest (not angry) talk with your wife.
Good luck!
-she has no interest in telling you anything
-maybe there are reasons unrelated to cheating that she has the medical history she has and won't sleep with you
-maybe those reasons are sensitive
-even if so, there is no trust whatsoever form her of you
- the comments above are best case and not the most likely probability
- get tested for STDs now & three months from now
- consider how you want to approach her & do it now
You did say you haven't been intimate in a year. Like you said, that sounds like a red flag. Then all these tests.... HIV test... *could* be a sign of cheating, as you're already thinking.
I guess just sit her down and have a talk and tell her you found these test results lying around the house, and that you need to know the truth.... if at least for your own life, because tell her you don't want to get HIV. Tell her this is serious and you have to know so that you can protect yourself.
She is going to need to come up with some kind of logical explanation about all of these things. Let us know how it goes, and good luck.
Get tested for STDs and you will find the answer you are looking for.
You are in a forum asking questions that should be directed to your
wife along with the Medical Professionals(Doctors).
Actually some women do not like to disclose their medical information.
It depends on the woman.
Also, is she the type that if she is going through something- she likes
to be left alone, but once she has a handle on the situation she then
reveals details to you?
An Hiv test is a red flag-but again- you should not have to be tiptoeing
around asking questions here- like yes this is what these forums are for.
Support is great- but clearly you Need to have that Serious Sit Down-
Down To Earth Convo with her.
P.S if she is taking Hiv tests It Is GOOD you have not been intimate with
her for a year wtf.
Like seriously this is some playing around with peoples lives.So what
if you WERE intimate with her and you are infected.
Life is not this.
This cant be the life you signed up for.
You dont need this.
You better get to the bottom of it and if she does not give you info
Leave her ass. Just go like a plane jets out- Like a Train leaves the station
Like be Out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(with just the hangers left swinging in the closets)
I find myself worrying about you. Would you please give us an update?
I have not yet talked to her about the STD test but I do plan to. She travels a lot (100 days of the year) and we are just settling into her being home after almost a month away. My kids need her full attention right now. Based upon how she has reacted recently to concerns I have had, I know it is not what my kids need right now.
There have been several things that I have talked to her about in the past like being out all night (like 5:30 am) at hotel bars with other men, new lingerie that she takes with her on business trips (I do the laundry..not creeping), text messages from other men that she deletes, changing her phone, computer passwords (something we promised each other we would never do) etc... Every time I confront her with these things she goes balistic and tells me I'm acting like a phycopath and makes me think I am crazy. She now keeps her phone/computer/purse with her everywhere, even to the bathroom when I am in the house. I am no longer allowed to ask her where she is or what she is doing without her acting like I am some stalker. These were all the red flags I was talking about.
I did ask her if she has been emotionally or physically involved with someone else. She flattly denied and said couldn't believe I would think that of her. At this point everything is the business of the kids, school etc... she will not discuss our relationship with me. It is hard for me to explain how "other" this person is than the one I have happily lived with, who raised our kids and shared everything with for years. It is like a complete personality shift. She was one of the greatest warriors for our marriage and the marriage of others. I simply can't believe this is where we are.
When she is home, she is not longer sleeping in the same bed with me (as of last Fall). I have been faithful to her since we first met so I am not worried I have any STD (unless this goes back further than I think). Anytime I try to talk about our relationship she gets angry, tells me I am not respecting her process, tells me this is why she is frustrated with me, that I'm insecure, that I don't respect her boundries and then walks out.
But...
She has agreed to go to marriage therepy with me. It is there where I will reveal what I discovered and ask her to explain it. I want to be able to sit down with another person who can see through the any manipulation/gaslighting and call her to account in a way that she won't receive from me right now. I also need someone else to be there to tell her that my concerns are ligitimate and worthy of a truthful hearing.
The only way forward for me is absolute honesty and transparency. Without that there is no marriage. If she can't give that to me than I have to be done. At this point I take care of our kids, the house, the cooking, cleaning, and I have a career of my own. I do this so that she could pursue her career and at this point I am just enabling her. If she can't at least tell me the truth than I can no longer enable her to walk a path that is contrarty to our marriage and our family.
For the past two years she has lied to me, hidden things from me and abandoned me emotionally and physically. I really have lost all trust in what she says. If she says that nothing happend I am going to ask her in therepy to show me her medical records and confirm it, I am going to ask for access to her phone records and text messages. I don't think, based upon her behavior and the STD test that this is too much to ask of someone you have pledged your life too.
I'm sorry. It is clear that she is cheating. You might as well go ahead and
make plans for yourself and your children. This is no way to live.
I like that you are going to confront her in a session, but do not expect her to come clean. She will lie or she will just walk out.
was before at one point in your marriage long ago,True Soldier
Was there anything that occurred in your past history with her that she
harbors any resentment towards you(past arguments,infidelity on your part,
jealousy on her part,anything that you can honestly think of that may have made her transform to this SHIFT?
It is so unfortunate if she is willing to throw away a good marriage for some
flings.
I commend you on Your Strength through this desert season in your life
I know a lot of your tenacity does have to do with the children,that is their mom,she is your wife, and it is your marriage.
Try though not to lose Yourself in this season.Stay grounded and everyday
take some of the stress out and off of yourself by releasing all the negative energy that she is bringing, out of yourself and out back into the Universe'
care,It is healthy to do so.
She is a human with a free will. We have no control of others.
What we do have control over is how their actions affect us or if they should affect us.
The energy that her actions,mannerisms and attitude generate within
you creates sadness,anxiety,worry, adrenaline rush,feelings of abandonment
and the worst one,fear of the unknown speaking futuristically.
You have the right to capture these feelings and release them back to the Universe.
They should not be allowed to be harbored within you.
Remember while you have the right to fight for your marriage.
You need to also be fighting for YOU>
Take it easy, Do not despair.
The Universe Supports you All The Way.
Love is Many Many Many Many Things,
Look at all the situations that Love steps in to save to repair, to take no
account of Wrong Doing.
Love is Also knowing and being prepared if the Call arises to Let Go.
Powerful; Bright Light and Energy sent to you and your family.
May this bright Light Shower you and may you emerge triumphantly!!!!!!!!!!
As all the Angels in your corner Shout from their bleechers
March On - Lets Finish THIS.
We are all here for you All the Angels on these Forums, Be Forever Strong .
The saddest thing is that my first reaction to seeing the STD testing was not anger but compassion for her. Compassion that she had do go through this alone. I still really do love her. The way in which she is acting towards me right now is just confirmation that she is done. It is like daggers in my soul. She rolls her eyes at me anytime I even ask her a question. Her being home right now makes things very tense. She makes it very clear that she does not want to be around me. My assumption is that she is staying for now becauase she needs me to care for the kids so she can do what it is she wants to do, live her autonomy, have her affair and pursue her career. I don't know if she is still invovled with someone else and it is killing me to know this infomation without confronting her. I will when the time is right. For now I need to suck it up and continue to love and do right by her in spite of how I am hurting.
I want to be reponsive to what I know and not reactive. I want to do what is best for my kids and for her. Thank you all for your help on this. It has been very good for me to process things through this forum.
She seems to be very far down the wrong path and could be past the point of no return.
I don't mean to be harsh but you have been enabling her all this time and have boundary issues of your own. You have not confronted her after all these signs and continue to do this under the guise of love.
In truth you are repressing the anger and obvious signs of an affair in the same way many women also do when a guy is obviously cheating.
Often this stems from a fear of change, loss and abandonment. I would suggest most in your situation would have given a strong response/ultimatum after all these obvious red flags not in the least being rejected physical/emotionally for +1 years.
Allowing this to continue seems to have only emboldened her to a point she leave evidence lying around, and simply dismissing your concerns. It seems like the lack of respect has only increased and she walks all over you because you have established that you will take all the abuse she deals and will never leave her.
I'm glad that you seem ready to finally confront her and change that perception she has of you. She needs to know that you will no longer support her.
I know that you want things to work, but unfortunately this isn't up to you. It take two people to make a marriage work but only one to destroy it.
Read the "Welcome to the Newly Betrayed" post and get an understanding of what the characteristics of a cheater who has potential to reform.
If she doesn't make decision to make the 180 change such as giving up the career, confessing, taking full responsibility, and committing to change......it is time for your to separate and move on.
Your decision to divorce right away or just stay separated is something you need to figure out but to not separate and allow her to continue to abuse the family should not be an option for her.
Your concern should be to do what is best for your kids and yourself......not her. Being a white knight hasn't worked this far and will only make things worse.
Compassion towards the perpetrator should only be extended after it has been exhausted on the victim.