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STD?!? Am I jumping to conclusions?

Struggle79
Struggle79

This is my first post in any kind of forum like this. I could really use someone with medical expertise to help me out here.



 I've been married for 15 years and this past year I've seen so many red flags in our relationship that it is hard to know what color isn't red right now.  



-My wife and I have not been intimate in a year (not my choice believe me) but swears she is not having an affair.



-3 months ago She was treated with two massive doses of antibiotics (500mg) each taken by mouth once followed by another dose of antibiotics typical for UTIs to be taken 5 days, three times a day. (she didn't tell me she went to the Doctor and doesn't know I know)



-She had a urinalysis and blood work with pathology on the day they prescribed the antibiotics.



-Three months after the antibiotics I saw her 4th Gen HIV test results ripped up in the recycling bin. Non-Reactive (she has always refused HIV test before because she said there was no need since we had only been together). She doesn't know I know about the HIV test.



-She is healthy and has only had one UTI (after our honeymoon) in the years I have known her.



What does this all mean?  Are UTIs common in non-sexually active women? Why the HIV test?  Is a massive dose of antibiotics typical for a UTI treatment or are we talking Chlamydia or Gonorrhea? If she went in and they found an STD why did she not have an HIV test until 3 months later?


 


Am I jumping to conclusions on cheating that I shouldn't? I am feeling crushed. 


 


 

LuckyLynn
LuckyLynn
Struggle79- I was the unfaithful wife in my marriage. I thought my husband would never find out so when he asked questions, I denied. Nobody ever wants to confess this, so I don't think honest answers to the question "are you having an affair?" should be expected. I like your idea of talking with a therapist present. Hopefully, it's a good therapist-there are more bad than good, as my husband and I have discovered. Don't be afraid to change if this one doesn't work out.
Your wife is gaslighting you-trying to make you believe the evidence you see is not evidence at all. Trust your gut. You are accurate-she is cheating. To what extent is the only unknown.
My husband always said if I cheated he would leave. And he did. For forty minutes. Then my son called him, my husband came back, and we began our healing journey. There ARE resources available to help you through this. We were advised not to make a decision about the marriage right away but instead, to work on our INDIVIDUAL healing. That would heal the marriage or not but working on ourselves was the important thing. I could go on but I just want to tell you that 1. you are NOT crazy, 2. Be open to changing therapists if needed. 3. Don't make a decision about the marriage yet.
Struggle79
Struggle79
LuckyLynn, this is very helpful. I know in my heart that she has been unfaithful and the difficult part for me is that she won't admit it. She has lawyerd up and is planning on leaving once a custody agreement is reached. She is claiming I am mentally abusive for my constant questioning of her secrecy, lies and lack of trust in her. She has threatened that if I don't drop my suspicions of adultery she will take legal action against me for slander. My response to her was simple, be honest, show me your texts and e-mails, show the report as to why the doctor ordered the treatement and STD testing and exonerate yourself. She refuses, which is further evidence to me of her guilt (or if she is innocent, it is just really cruel). At this point it is out of my hands. She wants out of the marriage and I can't continue to pursue her given her lack of honesty and transparency. Going to therepy today to work on my personal healing and trying to help my kids through this disaster. Thank you for your words.
RecoveryDan
RecoveryDan
Sorry that you are going through this. Thank you for sharing your troubles. Those doses of Tetracycline and Azithromycin are used to treat STDs. Tetracycline is for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis. Azithromycin is for gonorrhea, chlamydia. The other meds are for UTI. Having received these medications does not PROVE that she has STDs and physicians often treat without knowing with absolute surety because the tests often take days to come back. However, physicians only do this if they have a very high suspicion for the STD.

Hiding her technology, deleting texts, staying out late at bars with other men, receiving communication from other men, buying and bringing lingerie on her trips, refusing to change her behavior are all very strong red flags in my mind.

I'm sorry you're going through that. The reality is YOU may never know what your wife was/is doing with absolute certainty. However, you know exactly how she treats you at home. You have the power to change your life and your situation. The things that hold us back from asserting ourselves and changing are often fear, obligation, guilt. You will survive and life will go on one way or another. I know, though, that STDs can kill you. Don't let your unwillingness to face the harsh truth take your life.

I'm glad to see in your last post that you are working on yourself and your own healing. My prayers and thoughts are with you, friend.

Much love,

Dan.