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Need opinions on this new guy

OTM64
OTM64

Hi Friends~



I joined Match.com last week and I have been talking to a man, Let's call him Alan.


I met him Thursday night in person and it seemed kind of ackward at first, he seemed uncomfortable, maybe nervous, didn't talk much.


But eventually he seemed to loosen up and talk more, Cool!



Since then he has sent me several messages saying that his is "thinking of me" and "misses me" etc....... I don't mind the "thinking of you" but the "I miss you" seems odd since we only spent a few hours together one time.  



When we talk on the phone it seems a bit strained.  So tonight we are on the phone and he tells me that he is having a hard time "reading" me, and that I make him feel like he is being interviewed.


(I guess he thinks I ask too many questions) but I alway ask question when I am getting to know someone (Ie....How many kids do you have?, How many marriages? etc?)  Isn't that what you do on a first date?


I have always been told that I am very fun and outgoing and converse well, this is the first time that someone has told me that I make them feel "weird".


He even made some kind of comment about me being "dry".


LOL!!!


I don't get it?


victor
victor
My reaction in those circumstances would be to go slow. Since you are not obligated to him, you can talk to or date other people. Seems like he is being critical to undermine your self-confidence or sense of well-being, sort ot making you off-balanced. Trust your gut reaction.
OTM64
OTM64
If anything he seems to be the odd one! Like I said I have never heard this stuff before. He says he feels like I don't like him that much. It's like Dude I don't even know you yet! I kind of feel like he may be a bit needy or low in confidence?
lb7268
lb7268
Misses you....yes very odd. But I did say that I missed you when you left DS. Is there much difference between the dating sites you have used?
OTM64
OTM64
Not really they are all pretty much the same. The free ones may have a bit more weirdo, but yeah they all kind of suck....LOL
MsViv
MsViv
OTM, omg, I recently joined a few free ones..I have gotten nothing but weirdos, ones who are in their 20's, telling me I am beautiful and foreigners who love my smile - PS I'm not smiling in my profile pic. I had one guy who seemed ok and wanted my email address. He then proceeded to tell me how honest warm and sincere he is and how he is seeking a woman who would love him and who he can create a family with... I'm tempted to write back that these eggs have dried up..

PS: I have no idea if my sentences made any sense or if my spelling is correct because I can't scroll up to see what I wrote - THANKS DS
Sally_Cinnamon27
Sally_Cinnamon27
He sounds like he's going to be hard work. Listen to your gut feeling. Maybe this says more about my own experiences than anything else, but it sounds a little like he has the potential to be a manipulator. Unless you feel a really strong connection, I'd move on and keep looking!
ClearDay1
ClearDay1
Hi, you don't know me. Accidentally clicked on this post and read it so I thought I'd chime in and add my two cents.

Run. Run like the wind. Too much, too soon with the miss you stuff.

I feel like he's looking for an instant relationship, no getting to know you stage.

He's trying to read you so he can chameleon himself into what he thinks you want him to be and say what he thinks you want to hear, instead of just being who he is and seeing if two are genuinely on the same page .

I think he's just looking for SOMEONE, ANYONE, to fill the empty hole in himself.

Run.
OTM64
OTM64
Great opinions so far, love you guys. When I met him he arrived in a very nice Mustang, then later went and got his gorgeous motorcycle to take me for a ride and I thought, good this guy isn't a slacker, he has some money and is classy. (No, I am not looking for a man with loads of cash to take care of me, I take care of myself, I have a good job that pays quite well), But I don't want a guy who is broke either. So last night he tells me that we can get together tonight but he has no money to take me out, that he is broke.
lb7268
lb7268
No money to take you out? Bail now. You're a beautiful woman and can due much better. Like you said you're not looking for money, but it sounds like he is in financial trouble.
rmb
rmb
Well what he could have done was just say, hey you wanna hang out, go for a walk, grab a coffee, and kept the broke comment to himself. It's not about money really; it's about how he's presenting himself so early in getting to know him.

This isn't about on line dating either. When I was single, I had some similar experiences with guys on the first few dates where they went a little too quickly with the I miss you stuff, acted like they had their shit together, and then you realize real quick, they do not. I had a guy take me out to an inexpensive restaurant,which I was fine with because he wanted to try it, but he had to pull cash from an ATM first. No problem except he had an insuffient funds error. So, I paid for dinner, at a place that was not good, and somehow I was supposed to be ok with that? Try harder dude!

I do the same thing, I ask anyone I meet for the first time questions about themself. It's called GETTING TO KNOW YOU. It's also something I do if I know the person is reserved. That way we don't have to sit in silence, or worse, me spending the entire time talking about myself.
Aronia
Aronia
I think you may be asking him too many questions at once. In the beginning it should probably about having fun and looking at whether you have chemistry and foundation for a frienship
Aronia
Aronia
I don't think he should have told you he is broke. That's way too much information.
If this was me, I would just wait to see someone until I got paid.
OTM64
OTM64
But if I didn't ask questions we would have just sat there, staring at each other... LOL!
rmb
rmb
Exactly, which really may mean he's not a good match for you.
ltwist
ltwist
I agree with Clear. "Missing you" after one date is a huge red flag waving in the sky. It doesn't really matter what the reason....whether it means he's super needy or desperately alone...it is not a sign you want to see this early on. The nice car and bike, and then broke comment is the same. If I were you, I would simply move on. Next please.
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