Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Hi Friends~
I joined Match.com last week and I have been talking to a man, Let's call him Alan.
I met him Thursday night in person and it seemed kind of ackward at first, he seemed uncomfortable, maybe nervous, didn't talk much.
But eventually he seemed to loosen up and talk more, Cool!
Since then he has sent me several messages saying that his is "thinking of me" and "misses me" etc....... I don't mind the "thinking of you" but the "I miss you" seems odd since we only spent a few hours together one time.
When we talk on the phone it seems a bit strained. So tonight we are on the phone and he tells me that he is having a hard time "reading" me, and that I make him feel like he is being interviewed.
(I guess he thinks I ask too many questions) but I alway ask question when I am getting to know someone (Ie....How many kids do you have?, How many marriages? etc?) Isn't that what you do on a first date?
I have always been told that I am very fun and outgoing and converse well, this is the first time that someone has told me that I make them feel "weird".
He even made some kind of comment about me being "dry".
LOL!!!
I don't get it?
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
Besides this guy wasn't worthwhile. He ended up being a tool per your other post. Anyway, I think when you're on a date with someone who is quiet and reserved and not holding up their end of the conversation, or when it seems like they don't want to bother getting to know you first and just want to have sex or getting into a serious relationship stat, which I believe was what this guy was about, then if you don't ask questions, the alternative is babbling or talking non stop about yourself.
It's an interview in that you're assessing whether this is someone you would like to see again, would like to know better, would run from screaming... . When my husband and I met and went out on our first couple of dates, we asked a lot of questions of each other, not like an interrogation but just a back and forth way of getting to know each other. So glad we did. Transparency right off the bat was refreshing.
I don't know. I don't think there's a right or wrong way, just depends on the personalities involved. In the end I do think if you're someone who is inquisitive about other people, shutting that part of you down for the sake not freaking the other person out seems counter intuitive to trying to meet someone who seems like a good fit for YOU and how you roll.
I find that if I volunteer something about myself ( when appropriate) the other party will respond .
For example, if I am looking for a serious relationship , even on the first date , I would say: " so, I am looking to date with potential for a serious relationship. I was married twice, blah blah. "
Usually a man will respond with similar.
I think it is perfectly normal to ask these questions, you just have to know how to do it right .
And yes I am going to want to know how many kids someone has and how many marriages, that is one of the ways I assess whether or not I want to continue seeing them.
more than 3 kids.....more than 2 marriages.....run! LOL! But that is just me, Some one else may not agree and that is fine.
as for the 2 marriages and run thing, you probably have a fair point….but take me for example…I have been married 4 times, clearly I am well used to choosing unsuitable guys and marrying them way too fast. So I do lots of work on myself and get healthy...…would someone not give me a chance based on my 4 marriages.?
I am aware it looks bad. My first husband left me pregnant, 2nd husband was violent, third husband suicidal, fourth husband narcissistic paedophile….yup I can see how that would look bad! Does it mean I should be avoided? I think its more of a message to myself to wake up and make better choices. And believe you me I have been doing the work!
I know you are working hard on your self and that you have made bad decisions. Trust me I have too and that is why at 52 I have never been married (which can be seen as bad as well) because I always choose crappy men!
I could understand if you both hit it off right tgat bat, but he was shy n reversed in the beginning. And all the questions you asked are completely normal. Some people like to know those things right away, some dont.