Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So "M" and I have been dating a litle over 2 months now and I have fallen for him hook-line-and sinker.
But, I think he is losing interest. Yet he won't come right out and tell me.
He is a very busy man, he works full time as a guidance counselor at a College, he runs a non-profit and he goes around and does programs about drunk driving. He is writing a book and he just co-wrote a book that he was also asked to do the forward for. So I have been really good about giving him the time he needs to get his stuff done. I never pressure him to get together or anything like that. We are both actually very good to each other. This past weekend he came over Friday night and then left Saturday around 12:30 to head home and work on his stuff. He stayed home and watched a football game, he did not invite me over, but I figured well he needs time alone too, then Sunday he went to a friends for another football game. From Saturday morning until late last night he has ONLY texted me no phone calls.
Last night at like 10pm he texted me good night and I waited for a bit then wrote back that I was feeling sad because for the past 3 days I have only received texts from him, he immediately called me and we ended up talking for almost 40 minutes, he told me he really likes me but he feels bad because he cannot give me the time and attention I deserve. He said he is not good at telling people what is going on with him. I told him he need to communicate to me better so that I don't automatically think the worst. He agreed.
This morning he texted me just a very plain good morning, no hearts or smiley faces, he said he has been up since 4am and could not sleep after our conversation. I told him I was very sorry and that I wish I could help. I also said that he needs to know I have fallen for him hook-line and sinker and that I want him to be happy so if me leaving him alone for a few days would help that I will do that for him.
Is he just feeding me a line of crap to try to get out of this gracefully? Without hurting my feelings?
I am supposed to be working right now but instead I am sitting on my couch crying and typing.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
Sorry to hear you are sad :(
To be honest advice like this is hard to give, as you can never tell what the other person is thinking or feeling. It may be that what he is telling you is just that, he likes you a lot but feels guilty for the lack of time he can give you. I can relate to him in that I work a day job, and a night job. I live with BF but we haven't had a date in...I don't know how long now, he does all chores etc and we don't have time together as I am just so busy. The guilt eats me up, and its the same line I tell him...I feel bad.
To be honest I think you two just need to communicate. Like you said, he is very busy and does need time to see his friends and relax. Its just a matter of juggling everything so that you, work, his friends and himself are all happy. Its a very hard balance to achieve but you both need to be patient and communicate.
Him taking time out to message you good morning is sweet, not everyone automatically spices up their messages with emojis so don't read into that :) You both just need to take each day, enjoy each others company and keep up the communication (texting or calls are good, doesn't have to be one or the other just the little effort to keep in touch with each other and their day).
Hope you feel better soon!
The relationship is very new, two months you wrote. It might feel longer and because you have developed attachment to your man friend. I understand that it hurts because you think that he is pulling away.
You say he is busy, everyone is busy in life. I can look back at my relationships and tell you that it is good to be independent and strong and love yourself. When all of this is true, a person projects confidence.
A lot people, men and women, at a certain age and because of experiences - good and bad - instead of growing and trusting, go inward and choose to be closed up to a relationship, are over cautious or unable to trust.
On the other side of the spectrum, some are are insecure and need reassurance about everything and that to be frank, puts people off.
So, try and stay positive and in such a new relationship, trust and be yourself. If it works out, the relationship needs be a source of happiness, not of despair or insecurities. Dating is about finding someone with shared interests, and of course someone that you like. Then you both can build a strong friendship that could then positively turn into love... if that is indeed what you want.
The key is to be assured in yourself, in other words self-assured, happy and independent. The rest, whatever it is that you want, will follow! Lots of luck and sending you positive and loving thoughts.
TBH, he may indeed be giving you a "line" to try and end this gracefully, or he may be telling you the absolute truth. It does sound like he is incredibly busy and it would be very hard for him to try and be attentive to a relationship at this point. He also seems like the independent type that may be more suited for a casual dating relationship - something that you seem to be wanting to move past and into something more serious. My suggestion would be to let things lay for now. You've told him how you feel and bringing the topic up again and again will only turn him off. Unfortunately, if you really want to be in a relationship with this guy, you may have to just wait and see just how much he wants to be in this relationship with you. And please - I am not suggesting that you sit around forever hurting and waiting for this guy to act decisively, I am simply saying that you need to just go with the flow for a little bit.
I hope things work out for you!!
Jen
I texted him letting him know that I have fallen for him hook-line and sinker and this is what he wrote back:
"I think you're pretty awesome too R. I just have to figure out the balance but sometime to better organize it all would help too, it's hard because I like being around you but I have some difficult decisions to make"
So I tell him in so many words that I am falling in love with him and he writes back that I am pretty awesome? Is that strange? I still don't really understand what he wants, or if he is leading me on.
This is a person who has a very busy life. He's trying to balance it all. I think that comes with the territory when adults date. He sounds like a really interesting person who has a lot on his plate. It's not a black and white thing where if he's not with you or texting you, he must not have feelings for you. That's irrational.
With that said, maybe you need someone who gives you more time. I mean that may be a possibility, right? But I think you have to see where this goes to see if he's able to eventually do that for you, or maybe he never can. I mean, no one knows where things are going to go when you start dating, the operative phrase "start dating." I get it. It's very easy to sort of fall hard for someone off the bat, but to be fair, you don't know him fully yet. You're getting to know him. So keep getting to know him, and let him keep getting to know you. That's really the only way to know if people are right for us.
I've said this before. Be careful with texting. It's not a good way to communicate.
Now, stop crying. Take a step back. Breath. Regroup.
Ps. It really isn't strange :) texting is awkward to communicate with, things often get lost in translation.
He is interested in you, thinks you are great so just enjoy that feeling and let things be. Don't try and rush, or map out a route in your future. Enjoy being with someone who wants your company. I don't think you need to stress about anything, these are all common kinks to work through in the early stages of dating someone.
I had to run out to get a prescription filled and there was a bunch of construction so I had to park at a gas station and then walk across a grassy area but the road to get to the drug store, a few of the construction guys started beeping and waving at me...LOL! So I waved back and kept going thinking "Well that made my day!"
Then I had to walk back to my car and once again, beeps and waving and the one guy made his hand like a phone and said "Call me" and I just laughed and kept going.
I started to pull out and the same guy walked toward my car and said "Hi are you married?" "You should call me" and he gave me his number!!!! LOL!!
He is younger only 42, I told him I am 52 he didn't seem to mind. He is nice looking too! Ha!
So I have to say my mood has improved at least I know I am not undesirable.
@RMB, yes I do fall hard and easy. I guess because I want love so badly and a good relationship so badly. You are right I need to just chill and let him take his time.
Are you interested in his non profit??... It might be a way to spend more quality time together as well as helping others.... Big hug for you sweetie
Being beeped at is good for the ego.... Woot!.....xo
Anyway, yes it is good for your ego!
Well, here is where I am with all of it. He knows how I feel, so now he can do what he wants with that information. If he wants to continue then he can come to me. I am not contacting him anymore. I will however text back or talk to him if he calls. But I am not going to do or say anything else. Like I said he knows how I feel. In the mean time I am not going to sit here and be upset and wringing my hands with worry. I am going to start distancing myself from him emotionally and physically. I will start planning as though he is not in the picture. He will have to come to me.
He just texted me and said he wants ice cream for dinner so I wrote back and said "Yeah a big fat bowl of ice-cream with lots of gooey toppings and then fall asleep" and he wrote back "I want gooey toppings but not for the ice cream" then he added these little devil face emoji's.....
WTH???
What is happening here????