I will now let him come to me. I will not contact him again.

Hi OTM,
I know this relationship is a couple of months, but maybe you are more in a place than him to be serious. It doesn't mean he doesn't really like you and that it may move that way, but it seems to me that guys expect the girls to pursue them these days and then when they do, they lose interest, the challenge is over, or they get scared off. I am not saying this is what is happening with M. The point is though that you don't know what he is thinking either, and won't unless he expresses it.

His feelings and thoughts are not in your control at all. You only have control over your response to him. I do, as jaded I am these days about love, believe in fate, and if you two are meant to be together, you will be. But, if he is not quite where you are in the relationship and starts to feel pressure from you, or insecurity, it may scare him off prematurely, when really he just needed some more time to get to where you are.

It is a good plan to not text, but don't play games either. If you really like him, answer, and be excited to hear from him, just let him move at his pace. The continual "trying to figure this statement and this thing he did" out will drive you crazy and miserable, so stay busy as you can and try to have some fun with your girlfriends.

Good luck with it and keep us posted!

Well, it is now 9:30pm and he never responded to my text from 2:15 today so I am guessing he is done. That is fine. He obviously was not in a place to have a relationship. So I will move on.

Just because he is being quiet , it doesn't mean he is done. Men don't want to fight and argue.

I agree with what Aronia said above. Wanting a little down time should not mean he is done.

Well, I'm still getting the silent treatment from a grown man! LOL!!!

I honestly think that he is trying to decide if it is worth it for him to have a relationship. He is so busy and cannot give much so I think he realizes that and maybe trying to decide if it's really fair to me.
And I have to say that I am weighing the same in my head. Do I really want a guy who can't be intimate with me? Do I want a man that barely has time for me? Do I want a man who would give me the silent treatment? Do I want a man who can't talk about serious stuff with me?
Is it worth it?

It's still rude to give the silent treatment, if he needed down time he should have just said so.

I am so glad that I see my medical Dr today and my therapist tomorrow, maybe they can get me on some different medication to help soothe all this anxiety.

I would not have responded either. And I'm a woman. And it wouldn't be because I was childish. It would be because I would have felt like you were trying to back me in a corner with the Thanksgiving thing. I don't think it's a silent treatment. I think he's collecting his thoughts on how to deal with it. Plus he said he was sick so maybe he just doesn't feel like dealing with the issue right now.

I don't think you understand the situation. You've written that he doesn't get it, but I think, more correctly, he doesn't get you. I think he's trying to decide if you're worth the trouble, and I'm sorry to say this, but you are causing problems where there aren't any. You're forcing his hand, and pouting when you don't get the correct answer or not soon enough, and no one likes to be put in that situation, especially new romantic acquaintances. I don't tolerate this type of childish and selfish behaviour from family or friends, let alone new acquaintances. This is all about you, and what he can do for you, and that's just not what relationships are about. He may very well be capable of being open and honest, but he's probably feeling suffocated by your demands, and you're quashing his style. You're not showing him respect, or allowing him the leniency and freedom to initiate things on his own, and that's worrisome.

I don't think this man is a good match for you, because he's independent, where as you are showing the signs of a codependent single person looking to latch onto someone. Your attempts don't seem authentic, it's more like a transaction, and relationships often don't succeed in this manner. I also have to say, it doesn't seem like much of the great advice given here by the many posters, has had any impact on you, and perhaps going back and reading some of it may help.

@ Lenoire, Since you don't know me and you are not near me to see how I actually act with him you cannot possibly make those statements. My friends that are here see me and they think it is HIM....he is unable to have an intimate conversation with me, and he is getting ALL of his needs met but I am not. I do not nor have I ever made any demands of him, as a matter of fact I have been just the opposite of that, I have been overly kind and understanding of his time constraints and busy schedule. But you would not know that because you do not see that side.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with me expressing my feelings to him. If I have to walk on eggshells around someone then I don't want to be with that person.

Now that being said, I did some thinking last night and I realize that it is not really the trip on Thanksgiving, I have focused on that but the real issue is me always feeling like I don't know where I stand with this man, due to his lack of communication. I feel like he only lets me in part way. I feel that he really just wants something casual and I do not. That is something he should have told me very early on so that I could have made a more informed decision. I think that he and I are just not on the same page. So it will probably end because of that. Not because of anything either of us actually did, but just because of where we both are in life.

And for me to back off from him and be casual, then that means the sex stops. I become very emotionally involved if I have sex, and I told him that right out of the gate and he didn't seem to think that was a problem.

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to spend holidays with your BF. I think he should have just explained himself to you, that's what I would have done.
My sister is having a birthday and while I want my BF to be there, I just feel like right now is not the right time for that and I will tell him instead of having him guess.
I wasn't invited to a family function my BF had and he explained himself and everything was fine.

Exactly!!! It's his lack of communication that leaves me guessing all the time!

OTM, you're right I don't know you, but I know what I read, and I know people and patterns, and perhaps I can read more into it than you are able to understand. I'm only responding to what you've written in your posts here, and in other romantic-situation posts over several months.

Yes, it's not wrong to state your feelings for someone, there is nothing wrong with that, it's a wonderful thing to have the confidence to do that, and that's where it should end, a pure statement. But your statements to him, often come with an expectation of a response.

Here is an example. You ask him, "what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" He replies, "going to spend it with friends, what about you?" You say, "nothing my family doesn't celebrate it, and I'll probably spend it alone." Hmmm, that puts pressure on the other person, and they're put in a position to think, "is she looking for an invitation?" If there was no intent of getting an invite, you may have responded something closer to this, "I'm probably going to spend it with friends too since my family doesn't celebrate it." This leaves him thinking, "oh great, she's independent, she's not wining for an invite, and I don't have to explain that my friends haven't extended an invitation to bring a girlfriend." You were not able to leave it, and felt compelled to discuss it further because you were looking for a different answer, hoping he'd changed his mind and give you an answer that pleases you, in order to feel secure in the relationship.

Are you able to see how by responding in the way you did, you were fishing for an invite, and how his response would mean a red or green light? How you were baiting him? You were drawing conclusions that he is not interested in a long term relationship with you, based on the fact that he doesn't want to invite you for Thanksgiving.

Regarding how you are with him, I'm only commenting on the things you've said to him. I've mentioned this before, and it's worthwhile nothing, as the saying goes, 'I think therefore I am.' It means we can't hide our thoughts from people because they come out in our actions. We don't just hear the words people say, we hear the intonation, the pitch, the direction, the suggestion, the intent, etc., and I don't think you get that. The thoughts that are swimming around in your mind, come out in your actions. You keep saying that's not the way you act around him, but it is, only you think he doesn't sense it and he does if he's human. I'm sure you do all sorts of wonderful things for him, that pleases him immensely, but they're being weighed down with your mistrust for his intentions, and that sometimes has a way of cancelling out the good.

You say he's getting his needs met; have you asked him? Sometimes people don't vocalized their needs when you've just met them, and prefer to rely on judging by your actions and responses to their actions. I think that perhaps you may not be meeting his needs of feeling trusted? From what you've written here, it would seem that you don't trust him, and he must sense that. I know you believe you have been overly kind and understanding, but your posts here point to something somewhat different.

You may be feeling that you don't know how he feels towards you, but I think you also may not know how you feel towards him and possibly yourself. If you felt confident with yourself and trusted him, I can guarantee you that you wouldn't have any of these emotional doubts about him. When trying to figure things out, I always look for common denominators, and work my way from there before drawing conclusions.