I don't think I was looking for a response that pleases me, I just want the truth. And his lack of communication is what puts me in this state.
So ultimately he may not be what I want.

When people have a hard time communicating something, or opening up, it's often because the environment is not conducive to it. Do you remember what it was like to have a teacher you really admired, and could do anything in front of them, because you know they approved of you. Then there were the teachers that could turn you into stone, just by looking your way, and nothing they could do or say, would make you open up. It's all about trust, because often it's not the lack of communication, but more so, the environment that is not conducive to it.

Well, he would have absolutely no reason to feel that way about me. He has told me some very private things about himself. I doubt he would have done that if he felt that way about me.
He knows and sees that I am very supportive. So, No that is not the issue here.
He told me himself that he has had issues with other women because he is so quiet and does not voice how he feels. So this is him not me.

So, in this circumstance that is not the case.

You claim you want the truth from him, but it appears that you also punish him for his truth.

@ScarletAngel...That is not true at all.

I just got back from my Dr's office and he was baffled as to why my therapist would refer me back to him, so he called my therapists office and I am going to see someone today who can prescribe for me......my anxiety is really bad and I need some help right away.

Thank you all for posting and helping me to take a look at a few things.

bye for now!

Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, stubbornness, sullen behavior, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

Passive-aggressive behaviour often utilises malicious compliance; that is, veiling one's intent to not do something in performing the specific task in such a way that an unwanted result is caused.

Some examples of passive aggression might be:

Non-Communication when there is clearly something problematic to discuss

Avoiding/Ignoring when you are so angry that you feel you cannot speak calmly

Evading problems and issues, burying an angry head in the sand

Procrastinating intentionally putting off important tasks for less important ones

Obstructing deliberately stalling or preventing an event or process of change

Fear of Competition Avoiding situations where one party will be seen as better at something

Ambiguity Being cryptic, unclear, not fully engaging in conversations

Sulking Being silent, morose, sullen and resentful in order to get attention or sympathy.

Chronic Lateness A way to put you in control over others and their expectations

Chronic Forgetting Shows a blatant disrespect and disregard for others to punish in some way

Fear of Intimacy Often there can be trust issues with passive aggressive people and guarding against becoming too intimately involved or attached will be a way for them to feel in control of the relationship

Making Excuses Always coming up with reasons for not doing things


In psychology, passive-aggressive behavior is characterized by a habitual pattern of passive resistance to expected work requirements, opposition, sullenness, stubbornness, and negative attitudes in response to requirements for normal performance levels expected of others. Most frequently it occurs in the workplace where resistance is exhibited by such indirect behaviors as procrastination, forgetfulness, and purposeful inefficiency, especially in reaction to demands by authority figures, but it can also occur in interpersonal contexts.[1]

I would say that he is the passive aggressive one.

Big hug for you sweetie.... I'm sorry that you are feeling so anxious but am glad you are getting help

The Anxiety board on here is very good and active

The only thing I will say is that I don't think electronics are a good way to have serious discussions .... People have a tendency to sometimes get too brave on them and those they are talking to don't hear tones of voice or see expressions and a lot can end up going wrong...I always think face to face is the best way to have 'a talk'

I'm hugging you though and I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time....xo

Passive aggressive or not, honest, COMFORTABLE communication is likely to be difficult if one feels that every word is dissected, analyzed, regurgitated, discussed (with freinds,family, professional health workers and even anonymous internet voyeurs) and questioned.

Take things at face value. If he says he is spending a holiday with old friends, that is exactly what he plans to do. If he would like you to join him, I'm sure you would be the first one to know.

And some times an oddhand comment "hey, I mightbegoingto Paris early next year) is just that - a comment. And not a loosely veiled barometer of your relationship.

Thank you suncloud,
You are right, this conversation should have taken place face to face or a least over the phone.
Now we are both at a stand still, one not contacting the other.
It's messed up.

Part of me wants to reach out to him and ask him if he would like to talk, but the other part of me is saying no, also a lot of my friends are telling me NOT to contact him.

ugh!

You are right Scarlet I agree with you, that is why a while back my therapist told me to get off of this site and to stop asking strangers about my relationship. But here I am yet again!

OTM please don't leave us again. We missed you when you were gone. Noones posts get more replies than yours do.

LOL!!!!
Thanks Lb, you are a nice man!

Hello Everyone!
I want to thank all of you for responding to my topic. ALL of you have given me things to think about and ponder on about my own behavior and I do appreciate that.
However, I do not think it is healthy for me to come here and post about my relationships any longer.
And once again my therapist highly suggested I stop doing that. So, Yes, I am leaving. Not because I didn't like what any of you said, but I need to keep my issues with my therapist and no one else.
On the internet no one can really help that much because they don't know the whole situation. And ultimately it hurts me more than helps me. I need to trust my own instincts and have faith in my own decisions about things. I will learn to do that more in therapy.
I also want to learn how to communicate better myself.
Again, thank you, and I wish you all the best!
love and hugs
OTM64

closed at OP's request