I am concerned about your expectations in dating when you are wondering where you stand with someone so soon after meeting them. Dating is not a relationship. Dating is finding out if you enjoy someone's company. If you do, great! You'll go on another date. If not, you won't.

Instead of asking if you have been friend zoned, you should be asking yourself if this woman's particular approach works for you. It's perfectly okay to say that you aren't interested in investing time into a friendship first before romance starts.

What do YOU want for yourself? You won't be able to change her into what you think she should be. You're better off seeking someone who better matches you.

Please don't feel bad if this situation doesn't work out for you. Many people have to work to figure out dating for themselves in the very beginning, what works, what doesn't.

Steppin.. you're nature to over think and over analyze is killing the fun in dating here : ) if you dont feel a connection, a chemestry.. I'd say its stuck in the friend zone. You can tell pretty quick if there is sizzle.. not saying stop seeing her, you never know she may be holding back out of her own dating hx woes.. but keep moving forward with other connections. And pls pls pls try to stop over thinking and just have fun, chemistry is real! And it doesnt take long at all to feel that connection : )

Cobalt:
"Instead of asking if you have been friend zoned, you should be asking yourself if this woman's particular approach works for you."

I think that is more or less what I am asking. I'm not really saying "why isn't she into me romantically" but more saying "does it even make sense to spend a long time building a friendship if there's not even a little spark going on at the beginning?" I think there is *potential* for a spark but I don't think she even wants to let any little electricity happen. Which I guess I'm thinking does not work for me when trying to date.

MNN:
"you're nature to over think and over analyze is killing the fun in dating here"

Possibly. I'm second guessing myself, is a big part of it. I'm new to this after a ~20 year relationship with ex-wife then a ~3 year relationship with ex-gf. First time really dating since college, and even then I didn't date much. It's generally expected that the guy will do a lot of the initiating. But I guess I will try to go with my gut more. My gut did tell me that she was NOT putting out flirty signs. And that has been shown to be true from her own text.

There can be a few reasons behind what she said
1. She may have moved too fast in her previous relationships and it was a disaster, so she is protecting herself
2. She may not be attracted to you as much as she would like, but you sparked her interest and she may think you are good for her, so she is waiting to see if something more develops over time
3. She has a few other men she is considering
4. She doesn’t want you to fall for her too fast.

Either way - what she says is irrelevant.. what she does matters more. If there is a real spark, nothing can stop the true romance from unfolding.
If I really want to get to know someone, I want to spend time with him, I want to see how he lives, I want to learn about his interests and likes. If she is not investing in learning about you as much as possible, then she is probably not that eager to be in a relationship.

Thanks Aronia. My comments for your options....
1. I'm ok with this.
2. I'm not really ok with this. I would like a passionate connection so if she's not really attracted I would want to move on.
3. This is normal, but at some point if she wants my time something needs to progress.
4. Not sure I understand this; I guess her being protective of me?

"what she does matters more". Yes, thanks! I'm getting that. I have waited for her to reach out. Which she did tonight, but only in the most superficial of ways. Which is ok. But we talked about our kids on dates and I know her kids' names and she got my daughter's name (slightly) wrong. So... yeah. Just not feeling a lot of interest. Just a very casual interest. Gut says either one more date or just walk away now. Maybe the latter.

Imho-- You can never have too many friends. But even if a friendship is all that she wants, even this should not be work. When you do reach out to someone, if you are there and can talk, share and do things together, that is a friendship (I am afraid I am like you--- I would like more as well.. But friends have helped me through this far. )

A comment was made about wanting to spend time getting to know more about you and spending time together. I also think this is very true. ( Even as a new friend, I am always very curious .and just as eager to share things about myself) I wish you well with your search for someone special . Hugs

stepping: It all starts with YOU. How do YOU feel about HER? If you find her attractive, desirable, and want things to move to "the next level", more of a physical relationship, next time you meet, maybe give her a neckrub, something sensual, see how that goes, see if she melts into your touch.

I know I'm late (and it might be over already) but I had to comment because I'm in this situation too, on the opposite side. Two dates, and I have kept it sort of platonic. I've been waiting for him to start this conversation, and I've been playing in my head how it might go. Anyway, my reason is that he seems like a really good guy and worth getting to know, but our situations are very different right now, and I don't think a relationship would work out for long term, if we got serious/physical right now. And I probably have some trust issues from a previous relationship that should have worked out, for all the reasons that I think this one wouldn't. But I'm having fun enjoying his company. I'm sure I'd change my mind in a hurry if he grabbed and kissed me!

Maybe you are correct that the vibe is off. Neither one of you actually know the other one. Texting and messaging is not the same as talking, doing things, having known someone for a while, their family, their workplace, or the like. Maybe you are rushing it, maybe you two are just strangers. I do believe in friends first. I am best friends with my partner. We are friends first and the spark of our love comes out of that friendship. Some people want to have sex early on, to test that spark but sex can create a false bond in the mind of one or both of the partners. Having sex but finding out after two months that you aren't compatible, the other is really damaged emotionally and hid it, or they drink or do drugs, or they are in major debt, or you just don't like them much. It is harder to break up, or stop seeing someone after one is having sex. And for some people, having sex is a commitment in their mind. Let alone the woman gets pregnant and now you have a life long attachment together. Even if you haven't said you want commitment, they think the physical nature of the relationship implies ownership or a closeness and it can blow up. Some people want to wait until trust is established so that spark is really really there.

These are all very good answers. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to take it slow, however, it's obvious that she doesn't match your idea. pace. In fact, it is possible that she will never be interested in a romantic relationship with you.
Perhaps you have made a friend... or perhaps this will evolve into something romantic with a strong base of a good friendship to prop it up. Either way, it certainly wouldn't harm you to see other people in the meantime. Good luck <3 Dating is tough for everyone, I think.

These are all very good answers. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to take it slow, however, it's obvious that she doesn't match your ideal pace. In fact, it is possible that she will never be interested in a romantic relationship with you.
Perhaps you have made a friend... or perhaps this will evolve into something romantic with a strong base of a good friendship to prop it up. Either way, it certainly wouldn't harm you to see other people in the meantime. Good luck <3 Dating is tough for everyone, I think.

@steppingovertheedge, so what happened? Spill the juice!! You wrote this in 2019, and well into 2025. Did you end up marrying this woman? Maybe she didn't jump on you as fast as you would have liked because its not that you didn't check off for her, but for her peace sake since you admitted to freshly be out of a long-term 3-year committed relationship after marriage that ended in divorce. I'm sure considered that.

I don't check in here very often anymore but I just saw this. What happened is I continued online dating, with the idea of having another date with this woman to see how things go.

However, I had a date with another woman that felt much more like a date should feel. We had chemistry, and I prioritized a couple more dates with her in my limited time. Also we talked on the phone a lot. After a couple more dates she asked me to be exclusive and remove my online dating profile, which I did. At that time I told this other woman that I was in an exclusive relationship and wished her well; I hate that people "ghost" people all the time - it seems rude!

So the new woman and I dated for 3 years and got married in late 2022. Things are going well. As part of our wedding ceremony we each wrote each other a note to be read 3 years later on our 3 year anniversary. Those notes were sealed with a nice bottle of wine in a box which sits on the mantel of our fireplace. I look forward to opening that box in October of this year!

This is fabulous news

Congratulations!...Really inspiring...xo

Thanks SunCloudJD!