You asked for thoughts. I probably wouldn't have texted her about this (rather talk in person), and have a conversation, by text, if you wanted something more romantic. You *could* have flirted on those 2 dates, leaned in for a good night kiss, etc.

But, now that you know how she feels, "taking things slowly" and "build a strong friendship" does sound to me that she is not interested in a romantic relationship. I wouldn't take that personally, though. She might not be ready with anyone.

It depends how much you care about this woman and do you see yourself with her long term? If not, keep looking, keep dating.

My 39th anniversary is next month. I am still not sure I should commit allot of time to this man. Some days I don't. When I am in the mood for guarantees, I buy an appliance with an extended warranty plan. With my fellow humans, the only guarantee I believe in is that we all have assholes and good health requires we use them daily.

But then. . . I don't have a romantic bone in my body. If I ever find that switch you are looking for, I promise to cast an acrylic block in it. I have as much faith in romance as I do the in the youthenized bimbos who promote the concept.

Just my strictly personal thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em. It's all the same to me.

Maybe she just wants to get to know you more before she decides if you are a good match for her. Her values or her past experiences maybe such that it’s important for her to spend time with someone before she knows. I’m not saying you should then keep dating her but just consider if it makes sense to keep dating her.

I'm doing the online dating thing too and its possible that she has had many bad experiences with others that she is super cautious and wants to take it slow. Me personally, if I feel a connection with someone my timeline might change but it general I like to get to know a person for at least a month before I take it to a higher level.

Go with your gut. If you feel like she is a good match then hang in there. Maybe date other people or if she truly isn't a match, you might want to walk away. You have to do what is best for you

You could continue the relationship and see what develops. During this time you would still be considered single and could date others as well. I believe you owe it to yourself to see if this person could become something more and also continue to see what is out there. There is value in building a relationship regardless if this becomes romantic or not, you may end up with a good friend. Have you asked yourself the reason you want a serious relationship? What are your goals and needs in a relationship? What is best for you?
Best of luck to you.

Plus, what’s the rush?

Thanks all for your input. It is varied, just like with my guy friends in real life. Some say don't waste your time, some say give her time and see what happens.

Yes I could have tried flirting and moving things forward a little, but the vibe felt way off for that - just no inkling of sexual tension or anything flirty going on. She pretty much confirmed my read of the situation when she replied to my text.

Maybe I shouldn't have texted her, but she actually thanked me for doing so. I'd rather just be upfront and honest. I don't really know how to play these dating "games".

I'll probably plan on seeing her another time or two and go from there.

What's the rush? There's no rush but I'm also a busy guy and will need to pick and choose the best way to spend my limited free time. It certainly wouldn't hurt to make a friend out of it, but that's not really my aim at the moment.

I guess I hear stories from friends about online dating and people having sex on the third date (or sooner!) and I'm thinking about this particular date where it felt too awkward to hold her hand on the second date! :)! I'm not aiming for early sex with her, just a bit of that tension and excitement!

I sent another reply that doesn't seem to have posted. Trying again...

CharlieTango wrote: "Have you asked yourself the reason you want a serious relationship? What are your goals and needs in a relationship? What is best for you?"

Excellent questions. I have some answers, but certainly not all the answers. I'll have to do some thinking.

I don't really think that you can have a serious relationship after 2 days personally

With the exception of some cultures having arranged marriages and they even start out with he/she looked like a nice person

Some people fall madly in lust due to a strong physical attraction but that often doesn't work once you really get to know each other

If you like a lot of her qualities IMHO a third date might be worth it? perhaps?

All have brought up valid points--- she may be coming out of a bad relationship and trying to rebuild trust...

there is the fact you can still have another date or so with her AND still look or possibly see others in the meantime....

Also, I hate to say it, but for me, I am thinking if there isn't even a hint of that flirtiness or a glimmer of a spark, it may just be a friendship... but that is not a bad thing either.

Good luck.

So I feel like you can still want to work on friendship first but still also put out “tells” that you may be interested. I don’t think those need to be mutually exclusive. So yeah I’d go with your gut on this one; if you aren’t getting any sense of anything then maybe it’s not that it’s her desire to build a friendship first but there is simply just not anything there.

Everyone has limited time so I get that but I wouldn’t let that make or break why you don’t want to put time into someone. I suspect had there been some spark or chemistry with this woman you may be more willing to want to give it time.

Oh I definitely agree that you can't start a "relationship" after two dates.. And sometimes maybe there is a lust factor and that just moves things along. Which was lacking here.

You know I've been thinking a bit about that and my example concerning holding hands on the second date. In some ways holding hands is pretty intimate. It implies some affection and intimacy built up over time. Perhaps more so than a lustful kiss or something like that.

"if you aren’t getting any sense of anything then maybe it’s not that it’s her desire to build a friendship first but there is simply just not anything there."

Perhaps. Everything still feels so guarded with her. I think we need to have a deep conversation or two.

"I suspect had there been some spark or chemistry with this woman you may be more willing to want to give it time."

Interesting. Yeah I think she's nice looking but I haven't felt any spark. She seems just so.... motherly and nice and almost nun-like (hah!) that it's hard to imagine something passionate in the bedroom! I'm not sure how we break out of our pleasant guarded conversation. It's like talking to an acquaintance who is married to a friend or something. You just wouldn't "go there" with the flirting.

If the lust isn't there in the very very beginning, it's not going to "grow" over time.

I think it depends what you are looking for. After reading all of your posts, I think you may be looking for something intimate, and if it goes to a relationship, great... if not, then just something intimate/sexual is what you are looking for at this time?

Well... saying she's "nun-like" isn't boding well for sex any time soon.... I still maintain to date other people.... You will know it when you meet that someone. You will both feel it.

GirlinCalif, hmm... I think physical attraction is potentially there. But yeah everything is just so... sterile? I think we both lean introverted so that could be part of the problem here. Well, plus her just wanting to be friends first!

2-3 weeks ago when we started messaging I would have said I'm absolutely looking for a long term relationship. I think that is still the end goal. But whether long term or short term, intimacy is definitely something that I'm looking for. Physical and emotional. I miss it. Had a great 3-year relationship that ended 5 months ago.

The term "nun-like" may have been an over-statement. But it was just odd how the vibe felt. First date was better. Second date maybe my expectations were for advancing things and I almost felt they moved backwards. So maybe the chemistry just really isn't there, or maybe she pulled back for whatever reason. Maybe one more date would be a good idea to see how things feel. If I can't imagine any passion then perhaps I bail after that one.

And yes, I am also dating other people as the opportunities arise. There has been no commitment yet so I think that is fair.

Spark and chemistry have zero to do with looks. So even if she’s nice looking, that really has nothing to do with connection, or really anything, in my humble opinion. I mean pretty people are what get our initial attention, but after that... looks, shmooks.

Flirting is such a weird thing. I remember the night I met my husband and we just talked for an hour about music of all things. There was no obvious flirting, just good conversation. I was madly attracted to how he talked, his humor, his measured way of talking. That is not flirting but it felt like something. Had he overtly flirted with me, like hit me over the head with it, I probably would have been turned off. I hate that trying so hard thing. I don’t think overt flirting is a prerequisite for connection.