If a man dumps you because you don't see him for a month, then good riddance. Above everything else, this man should understand the circumstances keeping you two apart.

Maintain perspective.

This is probation's game - you play by their rules absolutely. It sucks, but little can be done about it.

michiganfamily,

You said, " Here's why I think this is unreasonable. Certain places he goes to on a daily basis do not involve places where children congregate."

I agree it may be unreasonable and not fair. But probation is in lieu of prison time. I often think of probation as "prison" without the walls or razor wire. Keep that in mind.

When I was in prison, if the CO told the inmates, "Don't dare go to the ice machine or touch the microwave or I will write you up", that also would be unreasonable, but enforceable.

There would be no valid reason we could not touch the microwave, but we didn't just because the COs said not to.

If an inmate did defy the COs orders regarding the microwave, I can guarantee you that the inmate would receive a misconduct for insolence or "disobeying a direct order." Btw, insolence was the reason for many a misconduct in prison.

If you look at the Olive Garden or McDonalds example using the same mindset as the CO and the microwave, it becomes more understandable.

POs can make up a lot of silly rules, and until they are successfully challenged, they become rules a probationer or parolee must follow or there will be implications.

Not reasonable, not fair, but a little more understandable.

rewdiazepam

Advocate2 - public opinion is v v similar here, believe me. The media demonises offenders just as badly. Thankfully though, our justice system is more based on the idea of rehabilitation & there have been strides made in SO treatment programmes. They work on a model of supporting the offender in developing their purpose in life, healthy living, love & intimacy, being positively occupied etc, rather than just restricting people's lives based on avoiding specific trigger situations.

Once again, thank you everybody for all your support. I can not begin to explain how comforting it is to know I can come here and vent and you understand my frustration. What I can remember from having met her the first time so she could approve our relationship, she did say they encourage having realationships. My understanding from when she was telling me about no contact was aside from being a so called bad influence, I was adding too much stress in his life with my divorce, and he needed to focus on group more and focus on himself and not to be so focused on our relationship. I mean ot even got to the point where I would drop him off at group and would go to the huge farmers market few blocks away. She put an end to that too, she said she wanted him to go alone so he can focus on group while he drives there. Its a 45 - to an hour drive. We were / are in a good place.. I am not in a bitter divorce, ex and I still get along. I dont think she wants to see him with me. Peroid.

Once again, thank you everybody for all your support. I can not begin to explain how comforting it is to know I can come here and vent and you understand my frustration. What I can remember from having met her the first time so she could approve our relationship, she did say they encourage having relationships. My understanding from when she was telling me about no contact was aside from being a so called bad influence, I was adding too much stress in his life with my divorce,(which in itself isnt a bitter one, they are civil and ex and I get along) and he needed to focus on group more and focus on himself and not to be so focused on our relationship. I sometimes would drop him off at group and would go to the huge farmers market few blocks away. PO said NO WAY.. She put an end to that too, she said she wanted him to go alone so he can focus on group while he drives there. Its a 45 min to an hour drive. I dont think she wants to see him with me. Peroid.

Bullshit. Adding stress to his life as a "dynamic risk factor" is something I don't buy for a second. I agree with Rew that she calls the shots, but I just don't buy that for a minute. Not all officers are like this, but this one sounds like a person who just sees probation as an extension of prison, purely punitive.

@ Rew, you are right that probation is an extension of prison, but in prison the rules are more clear cut and easier to follow (at least, that's what makes sense to me). On the outside, with the rules being as ambiguous and erroneous as they are, it is much easier to accidentally disobey them. Going to a cemetary to visit a graves isn't necessarily something one would automatically think they would need to contact their probation officer about. In some ways, it seems like it is much easier to get violated for a technical violation on probation with a set of broad rules that apply to almost everything.

michiganfamily,

I agree. Nobody should ever be punished on probation for an accidental violation of an obscure and unclear rule. But POs seem to enjoy doing this.

rewdiazepam

I have been on vacation a week so I am sorry that I am delayed in my response to this thread.

In Wisconsin, the supervision agents OWN their offenders. They have to comply with the rule books but they also have a great deal of autonomy, they also have the 'their word against the offender's' too. Rew is correct, at least in WI, supervision is an extension of prison, without the bars and razor wire.

Which means that if you wish to continue a relationship with him you'll also need to curb how you do things when you are doing things with him. HIs entire life, until he is off supervision, is about planning where to go, if that is an appropriate place to go, should he be asking for permission to do something other than work, home, grocery store, department store, doctor's appointments, etc. When it comes to any recreational activities, it usually means a call to the PO and a activity request form as well that needs to be filled out and approved well in advance of any 'outtings'. I know it sounds ridiculous, but the alternative is prison and they are not afraid to remind a person of that by putting them on a PO hold in jail for a weekend or something.

I hate to say this, that he would be best to not bring it up again to her for at least 30 days, although they would be more responsive if it were 90. Hunker down on the group sessions he is required to go to, I do hope he doesn't have Joe Hanger... Then ask about seeing you again. I know it seems like a long time, but if he is worth it, if he is who you want, then the wait will be miniscule in comparison to the life together that you'll have eventually.

"Dr. Hanger, please don't hang me out to dry today".

Even the name has an unpleasant ring to it.

Ooops, I should have said Hunker, as in, Hunker down.

Nope, I was right the first time, it was hanger. :o)

Actually yes, it is Joe. Lol. Please tell me... you can pm me if you would like.

Omg.. I did something AWFUL.. I went to his house.. to get a few of my things and he was there. I didnt realize he was until it was too late. He gave me my sons PS4 and then I left. Nothing happened , I was there less than 5 min.. Of course I called his po and left a mesg. Ugh. I can only think of the worst is gonna happen now. Why why why.?!?!?
I feel like dying now. SERIOUSLY.

Phoenix - that is the difference - they recognize the humanity more whereas the USA does not ...