You can always consider consulting an attorney and filing a motion to get the conditions amended if you feel this was based on unfounded information. That might inflame probation but it is a recourse. Ultimately a judge has the final authority.

I have thought about that. Really really thought about that. I thought about the pros and cons. What IF the judge rules in their favor.. then we are over. If I be patient for a few weeks.. ugh, just typing that I can cry.. but maybe they will let me at least speak with him or better yet see him. Right now, I am going to be the good girlfriend and be compliant. Ugh. And ya know, what REALLY PISSES ME THE F *** OFF , my sister is a probation officer is Milwaukee county and I cant go ask her advice or help like have her make a phone call because she refuses to get involved.

Personally, I don't think many attorneys would touch a case such as this when it involves a probation violation; I know I wouldn't if I was a defense attorney. Attorneys HATE cases when it involves probation, the DOC, or the BOP. Any attorney you might hire would probably promise you a favorable outcome, but he would be taking your money.

And, trust me, the very last thing you want is to piss off the PO. Your guy has to "live" with this PO for the remainder of his probation and making her angry by sending an attorney her way will most likely make it more difficult for your guy for some time to come. Your situation becomes even more problematic in that she--the PO--- has her supervisor backing her.

POs can be very petty and vengeful at times.

Why don't you step back, play it cool, and give it a couple of weeks or 30 days?

I think hiring an attorney would open a huge can of worms and ultimately hurt your cause more that it would help it.

Attorneys are effective fighting the DOC, BOP, or probation department for egregious violations, but not as successful for fighting something such as this. After all, there WAS alcohol in your fridge and if I remember correctly he did go to the casino or golf course. As a result, there was SOME basis for the infraction.

I doubt the PO will enforce this "no contact" rule for long. But she is certainly sending you and your guy a message. How you respond will tell her a lot.

I would hate for the PO to be so aggravated that she finds something to violate his probation and possibly send him back to prison. He won't like prison very well and neither would you like him being there.

Successful--and wise--- people in life learn to carefully choose their battles. I don't think this is a battle you can win.

Even if you do win this "battle" you may have lost the "war" as the PO may have it in for your guy and make his life hell on earth. And if his life is a living hell, it will negatively affect your relationship.

Fussing with a PO over a technical violation is incredibly risky.

Just my two cents.

rewdiazepam

Rew, do you think a golf course is a place where children congregate? That's the only reason I made that suggestion. And he might not have known she had wine there. And again, do the conditions actually state he can't patronize an establishment where they serve alcohol? I just have some unanswered questions.

I realize how risky something like that is as I mentioned it would inflame probation. It probably isn't a good idea, but it is an option.

If indeed he committed a violation in your presence, I agree with you. It's not worth it.

But make sure whatever the violation is is spelled out in black and white, in the conditions so there is no vagueness. If it is merely a matter of not being at places where children congregation, that is a questionable matter. BUT, even if you are right, in the end, Rew is probably right. Probation is the hand that feeds him right now. If they bite, it can be very consequential.

It is not your responsibility to check with his PO. It is his responsibilty to be honest with u and tell you what his conditions are.

Its obvious he didnt do that. If he did....it sounds like you would comply.

Its out of your hands now.

If he indeed did do nothing against his rules, its still falls on him not you.

And now you have to suffer the consequences. I would love to tell you my opinion but you wont like it. I support your support of him.

The beauty of PO's conditions are that they can change without court order. With that said....it would not hurt to continue correspondence with his PO. I would do that by email so you have documentation.

And yes....its not fair....but if you want to continue a relationship...then you will have to do what you can when it comes to HIS rules.

Let us know how it goes.

I agree. PO conditions can change, but they still have to be in black and white and the probationer has to be notified. If he was and chose not to share them with you and both of you are suffering the consequences, it is not your fault. I agree with that.

I just think from some of what has been stated, it is ambiguous. Unless it states clearly "cannot be at a golf course, cannot attend a place where alcohol is served, cannot be in the company of someone who has alcohol in their home or person" it is a bit ambiguous. It might be a clear infraction, it might not. Frankly I don't have enough information. Only he does.

I think West and Rew have given you good advice. Please keep us posted. So sorry for what you are going through.

Thank you all for your advice and being so supportive.
To answer a few of your unanswered questions, I have a copy of his rules. The only things related to alcohol is no going to a tavern or a business that more than 50% revenue is from alcohol, and its states he cant be around or purchase it. He cant frequent where children congregate without an authorized cheperone. She said besides doing the daily living things, he can not do anything without approval. Going to the grocery store, doctor, work, etc. Other than that he needs to ask. So i guess he needed to ask to go rent a movie, go out to dinner.. a week ahead of time.
Well. I am gonna play it cool and wait for her to contact me. Ugh.i will keep you all posted. If you are on facebook please add me. lisasteigerlepage

Those conditions are extremely vague, some of the vaguest conditions I have ever heard. He can't go to a restaurant without asking approval? This sounds more like being on house arrest. Is he? Because it sounds like it. .

Here's why I think this is unreasonable. Certain places he goes to on a daily basis do not involve places where children congregate. McDonald's with a play structure. For sure. But the Olive Garden? If he was visiting a friend in the hospital, would he have to get "permission" to do that, since that is not on his daily list of activities? If he was going to a cemetery to visit a grave, would he need permission for that? What is reasonable is to say that he can't go anywhere where children congregrate without a chaperone (G-rated movie, a park, a zoo, anyplace where you would expect large masses of children to be in attendance). It is way too broad and not reasonable, unless he is on house arrest, in which case this would be normal.

No he isnt on house arrest, no gps.. nothing of that nature. Its been almost 13 days since we last spoke and saw eachother. To make matters worse my apt is only a few blocks from his house.. :( i cry almost on a daily basis.. ive been keeping a daily journal though, it kinda helps me. I just miss him so much. I am just worried he will move on or just dump me if this no contact keeps up much longer.

I haven't got any practical advice for you, as I'm in the UK, but just wanted to add my support. I've been following your thread, I really feel for you. The whole situation is so horribly misguided - in the UK, it is recognised that having intimacy and loving support is a key factor in re-offending. This PO is currently contradicting all that! Stay strong.

In *preventing re-offending

In the USA (it seems more than any other country that participates in this horror) the media and politicians have succeeded in de-humanizing RSOs. The public does not see them as human and therefore does not care how they are treated and cannot even make the stretch that they have families that love them.