Good advice. I treat my son's probation officer as if he is God since I am often his chaperone. I give him as much respect as I'd give Gandhi for the sake of my son.

Were these violations given to him in writing? If not, i cannot see a probate judge in agreement that he is in violation. Can a PO give a verbal no no and it be concrete? I would think not, or hope not.

For those of you not familiar with the WI DCC ways of doing business, a PO here has the authority to put someone on a PO hold for up to 40 days or so before they have to give any real reason for holding them other than 'probation violation'. They can do this for any number of reasons, one of them being they need to talk to their supervisor about it and come up with an action plan.

Another thing working against him is his location, the area of the state that he is in I have heard no real good from. The POs are often have too many offenders to watch, they have been in the job for over 5 years and are teetering on the edge of burnout. Not to mention that all they see are people trying to find the loophole, the way to work the system, so the POs become quite biased about people in general, expecting the con first. I say this knowing that as an IT person that supports users and have been for over 10 years now, I have a biased view of the public and their abilities to use and understand technology, it isn't right but more of a side effect of my career.

So yes a PO can do something verbal, then talk to the supervisor, then write it all down, talk to the supervisor again and then consider letting the offender out of jail for that PO hold. The judge is the criminal court judge that the person was in front of at time of conviction, unless that judge has retired or has been voted out of office, then the court that they resided in is then responsible barring any conflicts of interest. You see in WI most new judges are usually former prosecutors.

West is right, if you wish to be in your boyfriend's life, you will have to literally bite your tongue a lot, you will have to suck up to the PO and you'll have to be aware of the rules he has to follow and encourage him to follow them. You see you are a huge draw for him to break the rules, especially if he wants to please you. Which could encourage him to break the rules so that he can continue to date you, so sucking up to the PO will help you get back in their good graces so you can see him again. Because until they OK it, he will be breaking the rules and risking his freedom and that doesn't sound like something you want.

The PO manuals for sex offenders and regular offenders are posted online for you to read if you like. http://doc.wi.gov/community-resources/probation-parole You can find a lot of information here... Get familiar with the rules and things he needs to follow so that you can help him keep to the straight and narrow, until he is discharged.

I know as a free person you want to fight for his rights, but the alternative for him being on supervision is him being in prison. That is why they call it Extended Supervision, it is considered prison time just not in prison costing money but in the community hopefully contributing back to the community. Remember here in Wisconsin we have Truth in Sentencing so there is no more probation or parole. There is jail, there is supervision, prison and extended supervision which is part of a bifurcated prison sentence. So you have to fight that instinct to fight back, this is about learning submission, learning to play 'the game' as I like to call it, and becoming a stronger couple because of it.

Also, I know it doesn't help now but many times when a PO violates someone for bogus reasons the judge hearing the violation case will toss it out ... in fact, I have seen some judges get pissed at the PO for wasting the courts time for nothing

Yeah well in WI, an offender won't see a judge until after there have been 9 rounds of rehabilitation efforts by the POs and their supervisors to keep the offender out in the community. So they can put a person in jail over and over for up to 40+ days on PO holds alone. then if they are eventually in the revocation hearings where the judge has their say, the offender has done enough damage to themselves that the hearing is more of a formality than a place to defend yourself.

The manual for sex offender supervision is about 500 pages long and that is just for sex offenders, the regular manual for everyone else, which is also something that the SOs have to follow too. That is also about 400 pages long... They finally simplified the rules to like 10 or something, but there used to be more like 22-30 or something like that. The DCC also has the right to put the active GPS on anyone they see fit, without court order or permission. If you are under their supervision they have great power, a phone call and a warrant is out for your arrest, their ability to put a person in jail and then get them out is almost god like in some respects.

So to answer Advocate, no they don't waste court time, in fact they try never to get there, unfortunately there are not a lot of smart offenders out there, which is why the POs are so tainted. (I had a long conversation with a former PO that was very matter of fact with me, it was the best advise I ever received in this crap. He told me that in WI, they OWN that offender and will flex that muscle just to show you that they have it, he was right and it was immediate. I learned that you can get a phone line installed in an emergency like that if you talk to the right customer service agent. I learned that if I just work smart and help my hubby follow the rules and follow them with him, things normalize, took our several POs, a new one every 6 months, about a year to figure out we were never going to cause trouble.

But I digress... From my understanding our prisons here are filled with DWI and OWI revocations rather than the other plethora of offenses that pass through a prison. Since drinking is an addiction and a person rarely receives adequate treatment in the Wisconsin DOC system itself they are all likely to reoffend as they have never been introduced to the tools available to help them not reoffend. We do have an amazing number of repeat drunk driving offenders here in WIsconsin.

Well tomorrow is the the day Ive been waiting for but yet I cant help feel so afraid. I think this has been the longest week I have ever had. Im so anxious, afraid, and nervous at the same time that I have actually been physically ill. Ive been throwing up and actually been trembling.-and I dont even see her today, Ugh. I call her tomorrow. OMG, I hope I can actually see her tomorrow. Please, I am asking ANYONE for any advice as to what I can possibly tell this woman that will let me have contact with my bf. Its so hard not being able to even speak to him. I dont know what I am going to do if she wont let me.
My life is already so stressfull.. going through a divorce, however my soon to be ex husband and I are still friends, and he knows whats going on and knows all about him being a sex offender. And he is supportive and hopes this works out as much as I do.
But I need some advice on what I can say .. and please pray for me!
I will keep everyone updated. And as always, thank all of you for your thoughts and thanks for this group!!

Even if you don't mean it, this is what I think you should say.

"I love this person, otherwise I wouldn't be with him. And because I am with him, I obviously trust him. But I am also a responsible person and would never shirk my duty to protect children. So I want you to know that you and I are on the same team in this regard. Can I ask you a question? What questions on his polygraph did he fail? The reason I am asking, Ms. Probation Officer, is because I want to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Since he spends much of his free time with me when he is not working, I truly feel responsible for his well being and his well being entails staying out of trouble. If you have any questions or concerns, I am at your disposal. And I want you to know that you are also at my disposal as well".

EEEECK, I know, it sounds corny and almost nauseating to read let alone say. But that's how I think you have to play it.

"And I want you to know that you are also at my disposal as well".

That last sentence didn't come out right. I would rephrase it to "I hope I can contact you if I have any questions or concerns."

Thank you Michiganfamily. The thought of me kissing ass just is humiliating but I will do WHATEVER it takes so I can see and talk to him again. I am 42, while he is only 30. But he is so much mature and patient and loving than most men I know. I think it is because of all the group he has in prision. I am so in love with this person. I never thought I could love someone this much other than my own children. I just dont know what I will do if she says we have to end our relationship.

Then tell the officer that. If you truly believe he is patient and loving, tell her. And tell her why you don't think it is an act. Any good qualities about him you can mention can only be a bonus, as long as what you are saying is absolutely true. This at least shows that you would not date someone who is a sociopath, which is the number one predictor of recidivism.

At the same time, ass kissing is in order. You have to show that your duty as a citizen to protect children is more important to you than this relationship. Somehow, that has to be conveyed. That you would be willing to sacrifice this relationship if you felt a child was in danger. If the PO sincerely believes that, it will go a long ways towards earning trust.

Honestly, I dont think she is afraid that he will re-offend against another child, nor does his counselor but whos to say. I honestly that I was around when he violated some of his probation rules and she sees me as someone who will prevent him from completing probation without breaking rules. Like I am a bad influence or something of that nature, when really I am not. Please believe me when I say that is not what I am not what I want. if I would have known that doing those activities with his would have led to his being put into custody for even one hour,let alone 2 days, Not only putting putting his good job he has worked so hard to get , but but worse our relationship.. Never would I have let him nor would I EVER encourage such behavior. I take full responsibly in my part of his decision making.. Although yes, ultimately it came down to it his choice, but I was there , I KNEW his rules, I was given a copy of his rules.
It said not be be AROUND alcohol- I had wine in MY apt. He DID NOT live with me,so I assumed it was ok. In hindsight, I should have double checked with his agent. yes, he would stay the night on occasion, and she was okay with that. It did NOT say no casino/no gambling . We went a few times,, 3 to be exact. So again, I thought it was ok. He knew better than me. We went with his parents even one time.. How was I to know? Again.. In hindsight, I should have called. All I can say and take away from this is that NEVER ASSUME SOMETHING IS ALRIGHT. If your not sure, its probably not so ask. I know I have to earn her trust back. If I am lucky enough to be given the chance to prove to her that I DO have his best interest at heart and that I DO want him to complete probation successfully, I know that ANYTHING we would like to do in the future I am going to have him fill out a request form to play it safe. I do not ever want to put him or myself in this situation ever again.
I am just so scared to call her tomorrow guys, Im so scared she going to tell me we can never see see or talk to each other again, If that happens, What can we do?

Personally, I don't think what you did was so horrible. I've said that all along and I stand by it. On the other hand, it's horrible in the eyes of this PO. You have enough concern about this that I actually have total confidence in you that you'll be very appropriate. It means enough to you where I know you'll say all the right things and get back into her good graces.

Thank you for your encouraging words Michiganfamily. I sincerly mean that. I just wish I had the confidence in myself that you see. This is going to be one LONG SLEEPLESS night in FdL county. I am even taking off off work tomorrow in hopes that she will make time to meet with me so I can speak with her. All I want to do is to hold him in my arms right now. I miss him so incredibly much. I am just crying thinking that we may never see or talk to eachother again.. or at least for 4 more years. Please send prayers my way. I really need Gods help in my life right now

Well she called and no contact until further notice. She said I have been a bad influence and since he started dating me he has been breaking rules.. ?!? WTF golfing, casino?!? Whatever but I am just heartbroken. She said the supervisior agrees also. So he cant go to her. They will discuss his case and any progress he is making periodicly and determine when we can have contact again. She dont know when.. 1 mo, 3 mo, 6 mo, she doesnt know.

What you have to operate is these people operate like machines, not human beings. They calculate their decisions almost arithmetically with no humanity or compassion involved. I am so sorry. I'll send prayers your way. You are dealing with a system that doesn't give a damn.